We’ve all been there – allowing one bad to outweigh every single good in our marriage. I know I’ve been there – through times when I believed my husband’s priority of the marriage was slipping, when I needed him to be more supportive and accepting of my insecurities and us maintaining the drive we had so flawlessly before getting married.
All of those things have made me truly see what marriage is made of – tough times and rough avenues we are supposed to venture together – tackling each problem at the source as one. Not counting the number of times we disappoint one another, reminded of every situation that didn’t go our way, or establishing this idea that marriage is supposed to be absolutely, effortlessly perfect in our eyes. Guess what? Two pairs of eyes see things completely different!
My husband was actually the inspiration to this post – as he said, “Write about why marriage is awesome!” At first I laughed, but then it made me realize: sometimes we fail to see marriage, as a whole, for what it is – an absolutely amazing adventure, and deepest commitment. That each day you wake up making the choice of that commitment. Marriage is like a fresh picked rose – so beautiful as is, but every rose has its thorns. And that shouldn’t take away from it’s beauty.
Why Being Married Is AWESOME
You get to be lovers, and best friends
The absolute best of both worlds, right? Hence why they say in marriage you should never stop dating your wife/husband. Well, because sometimes “best friend” mode might be a little overkill. Not that that is a bad thing – we’re all entitled to acting like a couple roommates from time to time – but it’s important to also bring the romance into play, too.
You have a best friend to talk to about anything (gross and disturbing), that listens and understands you (maybe not all the time, but they try) while also enabling a sweet, mysteriously engaging side like newfound lovers. Best part is: you get to decide how much of which works for your marriage, when to flip the script or change it up however you both see fit.
It isn’t just about a “partnership” – strictly being “he does this/she does that”. I hate that – too many “rules”. You shouldn’t rely on living by the books – as some were raised that way – since marriage is so much more beyond being a “husband” and a “wife”.
It’s about the journey, not the endpoint
Before I got married, it was really hard not to envision my life as just a series of milestones, dictated accomplishments or endpoints I needed to reach within my lifetime. And each of those endpoints branched out in every which direction with even more milestones! My anxiety levels are sky high just thinking about it – aye aye aye.
Now married, I feel as though all of that completely changed. Life is now simply about enjoying the ride – and I have mine set on cruise control. I have no worries about what I will be doing next, who I need to become when and why, back-up plans or having no plans at all, and what-ifs that question my current and future decisions. And the best part is: I don’t have to ride in the car alone.
Got nothin’ but time
And since marriage is all about the journey – what’s the rush? We have at least 60 years to figure it all out, and even then we won’t get it right all the time. We won’t be perfect, nor will we have the marriage manual down to a T. But we can sure take all the time in the world in making our marriage a solid priority.
There are no deadlines – well, other than ones we create in our marriage. But in a sense when something isn’t working, you can always try and try and try again. It’s important to support one another in those times, and allowing one another the space to grow and improve in the marriage. Because you both have nothing but time on your side!
There are no “stupid questions”
Remember when your teacher used to say this, or if you were that reluctant kid in class that was afraid to ask questions because you thought they were pointless, or stupid? Marriage should be taught the same way – there are no stupid questions, or feelings, in marriage.
There will be times of doubt, reluctance, and inadequacy – even other aspects beyond those – that might cause you to pause and question yourself, the marriage or your spouse all together. The vital solution is surfacing those questions together and tackling the source at the root without any judgement or conditions.
You live the highs and lows together
As much as people say marriage is a support system – it truly is, even when one is straggling behind. Just because you’re married – now technically “one” – you are still two individual people. You will each live your highs and lows in life differently. And with that, sometimes a marriage is about one spouse pulling the weight of two.
That’s part of the key in support: someone to lean on, be vulnerable with, and allowing yourself to feel weak in times of distress. And in that, knowing you are free and secure to doing so without guilt, judgement or limitations. That your spouse is there to guide you, comfort you, console you, pray for you, listen and understand you, and be the fence to protect you.
Want a bit more marriage advice? Here is some of the best marriage advice I was ever given, and some brutally honest truths to being married that nobody talks enough about.