Hear me out: Is texting lazy? How texting affects communication

It’s funny – texting was designed as a tool to make communication easier, quicker and efficient when, actually, texting has made us socially lazy.

IMO, texting has become so default and chronic that, hear me out, it’s actually having the opposite effect on healthy communication and connection. Even texting in relationships is low to no effort. Because, well, making and answering calls is considered disruptive, time-consuming, and impeding.

You know what I’m talking about – nobody’s trying to answer a call in the middle of duty calls!

Alas, now we can have full-on text conversations while relieving ourselves (and no one ever suspects a thing)! What a time to be alive, right? What…a…time…where even in our most private moments do we need to not only be productive but also stay hyper-connected. Nothing can or needs to *wait* anymore.

I mean, seriously, what’s next? Texting during intimacy?

The whole idea of punching characters in a message on a teeny-tiny keyboard to send to someone was meant for convenience, not dependence. Texting didn’t mean being permanently accessible and available all the time. And that convenience behind a screen has gradually replaced effort, presence, and genuine connection.

And before anyone assumes I’m about to tell everyone to throw their phones into the ocean, let me clarify: I’m not anti-texting. I text. We all text. It is convenient, practical, and sometimes genuinely helpful. The problem is that texting has gone from being a tool we use to becoming the default and even expected way we communicate, even when the situation calls for more effort than a few words on a screen.

For all the times we’ve said, “This meeting could have been wrapped up in an email,” how many times have we also thought, “This entire text exchange could have been cleared up in a two-minute phone call“?

So, texting – not always as efficient as we thought.

As always, the thoughts, insights, beliefs and opinions expressed throughout this post are my own. If you have any personal or specific questions, feel free to reach out to me!

Convenience is not the same as connection

I’m a Millennial, so texting came of age during my time! It was one of the coolest advancements for communicating that didn’t involve having to speak or talk in “real-time”. It was like having AOL Instant Messenger on-the-go!

I could actually spend time figuring out what I wanted to say when I wanted to say it. It was impeccably useful for simple banter (a good laugh from a funny meme or video), logistics (Q&A, time and place), quick updates (you know, letting mom know I was *alive*) and checking in with people (during my spare time in between doing actual life stuff).

Sure, maybe throw in the classic heart made out of character symbols to send to your latest crush or Bae ( <3 ) or the quick joke to a friend while in class about our teacher’s new hairstyle. But that was it!

Texting was all great and dandy, until things changed, and it wasn’t overnight. Convenience didn’t go anywhere – it never left – we just started looking for all-encompassing connection from it.

We could argue that texting has reduced connection to being advantageous and instantaneous. Worse off, we perpetually expect both (convenience and connection). But instead of having real conversations that need real attention, even if that means – there it is – *waiting* to do so in person, we lean on text characters to do the work, and that somehow be enough.

I’m saying this as an introvert, neurodivergent, socially awkward individual who experiences social anxiety. Texting made my life easier in so many ways but, as it turned out, made it more difficult when it became a replacement for true connection. I’m no less introverted – in fact, I’m probably worse off!

The lesson here is that just because we can communicate through text does not mean every conversation should happen there.

Texting enables us to avoid effort and discomfort

When it comes to how texting affects communication, this one’s a biggie. Texting essentially gives us an unlimited pass from things like actually making phone calls, explaining ourselves, listening, showing emotion, being present and even taking responsibility. It has allowed us to avoid making a genuine, intentional effort.

Many will defend even the iota of effort texting promotes tooth and nail, except fail to acknowledge how effort has become watered down. I’m talking about things like:

• Texting, “I’m sorry,” without addressing the problem or taking accountability
• Sending, “wyd?” instead of making an intentional plan
• Leaving someone on read for hours, days or weeks to then say, “My bad.”
• Resorting to arguing over text instead of having a direct conversation with the person

On a more positive note, texting actually gives us time to formulate our thoughts, avoid an immediate emotional reaction, and say difficult things without having to watch someone receive them in real time. To many this can feel safer and more manageable, especially for those who struggle with confrontation or processing emotions out loud and in front of someone.

But, texting has also been a gateway for avoiding discomfort, from things like conflict and confrontation. While sometimes texting helps us communicate, other times it simply allows us to avoid communication that requires courage, patience, presence and perseverance.

For instance, when someone shares something you did that hurt them, we no longer have to bear the weight of discomfort by simply not responding. We’re less inclined to make a real effort to resolve an uncomfortable situation when it’s not actively in our face.

Avoiding genuine effort and discomfort is problematic when the epitome of healthy communication requires making an intentional effort and experiencing discomfort. Texting may not be inherently lazy, but when it becomes a tool for avoiding emotional effort, it can prevent honest communication. Now that’s lazy.

Texting can end up being disrespectful (*and not just lazy)

No, not crazy at all. Granted, texting itself is not automatically disrespectful just because a conversation is uncomfortable, but when it is used to disregard someone’s feelings is when it crosses into disrespect. 

There are certain communication tactics we wouldn’t deem acceptable in-person yet are somehow fairly commonplace in texting culture. For example:

• When you send a serious/impactful message but then refuse to talk further (aka, dropping a bomb on someone to then run and hide)
• Using texting to criticize, punish or provoke the other person (because people are more *ballsy* behind a screen)
• Leaving sensitive issues unresolved or withholding important information
• Justifying certain negative texting behavior or habits as, “That’s just how I text/communicate.“
• Giving one-word responses while still expecting emotional access from others

Texting removes important aspects of communication

On the surface, we already know what’s missing through texting: tone, facial expressions (emojis don’t count), pauses, body language, emotional presence and even authenticity. Let’s be real, here, how often have we texted “LOL” with a dead straight expression on our face. Exactly.

So texts allow us to use words, but not always the weight behind them.

That being said, how much value are we assigning words without the important aspects behind them when it comes to connection? Before texting, if you wanted to communicate and connect, you either called on the phone or got together in person. Texting removes the premise of having to be face-to-face to communicate, which is helpful in some circumstances, but it shouldn’t replace the value of face-to-face connection.

But are we often missing the point? With accessibility and unrealistic expectations, it almost seems as if the aspects that are missing trick us into depending on texting even more in order to feel connected to those in our lives.

Constant accessibility has led to unrealistic expectations

We’ve become so attached to texting as the main form of communication and connection, it’s as if there’s no such thing as being busy or unavailable anymore. The absolute smugness on people’s faces when they’re told someone simply didn’t feel like texting back.

Since when did constant accessibility mean that we are always ready and available, or always feel like talking at any and every given moment????

Texting has given us such an advantage to communicate with others more freely and accessibly to the point we have created unrealistic expectations surrounding that access. So here it is: heavily depending on constant accessibility is also lazy!

This has led to things like expecting instant response-time, assuming silence means rejection, anger or disinterest, treating delayed replies as a personal offense, and feeling obligated to answer immediately or timely.

Maybe, just maybe, constant accessibility (from texting) creates unrealistic pressure/expectations and, for some people, can contribute to anxiety. I know it does for me!

Texting is not the enemy, it’s how we use it

Again, texting was designed as a tool. We took it and ran with it – we ruined texting because we distorted its intended use. Texting was never meant to replace real communication (and connection), and now we’re consumed with making a square peg fit in a circular hole.

There are plenty of reasons we lean on texting, but when we fail to consider how texting affects communication, we’re more likely to misuse and abuse it (then justify it).

More than ever, we’re texting instead of talking in our interpersonal relationships, and we’ve gone as far as to qualify anti-texters or those who simply don’t text *enough* as having low-effort communication.

Real communication already isn’t always easy, so it’s no wonder we’re left even more disappointed and confused when we depend on texting to provide something it simply can’t. And that’s primarily because we’re committed to using it wrong (what it wasn’t designed for).

Texting was never meant to carry every kind of conversation, but things like:

• ETA, time, date, place, location
• Checking in (short-form banter or Q&A – i.e., P1: “Hey! How did your interview go yesterday?” P2: “Great! Can I call and tell you about it later today?” P1: “Sure! TTYL!”)
• Texting when a call is genuinely inconvenient (not texting that is totally unnecessary)
• Knowing when a topic is serious enough to deserve a voice-to-voice call or face-to-face conversation, and choosing that route rather than texting it out

Using texting as a tool, not a substitute

Texting is not lazy by default. But using it to avoid effort, discomfort, accountability, and genuine presence is. The goal is not to text less just for the sake of texting less. The goal is to recognize when a few words on a screen are enough, and when the conversation deserves your voice, your attention, and your full presence.