Am I the only one who loves rekindling the flame every now and then? No – I didn’t think so.
Plus, I also enjoy relishing in the memories of when my husband and I were dating. When he would come pick me up at my parent’s house, have a date (or adventure, as he calls them) planned that I had no idea about and the total rush of butterflies from not having seen one another in days.
Sure, date night is always great – a requirement for thriving marriages – but even those can sometimes become routine.
Am I right?
Whether you are still head over heels in Love, or feeling the depths of fall or winter upon your marriage as the seasons change, I think all couples should take that step back in time and be reminded of when it all started. You know, where your lives united and futures aligned, when the magic happened, the moment Love at first sight came to existence, when you had not a clue he would be the one (or maybe you knew then) – your very first date.
I’m not talking about simply going from point A to point B – I mean go all out. Recreate it. Relive it, down to the teeth. I created printable “First Date” Cards to make planning that much easier, as well for the added element of surprise! You can find the FREE download at the end of the post – so don’t forget to grab it!
Fall in love with your spouse over and over by recreating your first date. You decide how often – on special occasions, as a monthly tribune, or a complete and random surprise. Implement the details, push yourselves beyond your routines and more importantly – go with it.
fall in love
with your spouse again
[ways to recreate your first date]
Absence is key
Play with this however you want, or can manage.
Think back on when you were dating – you likely didn’t have as much contact with one another at that point. You didn’t live together, as much as your lives were separate. This is your chance to relive the butterflies – that anticipation in seeing one another.
If you both work, make a point not to have contact with one another on the days leading up to your “first date” – yes, that means no texting or calling! Even better, refrain from being within each other’s presence as much as possible the day of – you know, for the sake of creating that buildup of anticipation. Spend the day with your girls, or him with his guys.
If you’re really inclined, get a hotel for the day where one person stays to get ready (and even keep it for the end of the night) – ooh lala, are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Granted, that’s harder said than done. Try to Implement it in ways that you can. Otherwise, you might be missing part of the point to this exercise. Part of what made dating so exhilarating was the absence. Because, as we all know and have heard – absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Implement role play
Alright, even if you aren’t the greatest actor – just try it. And I mean it – give it your all, here. I know this would be my greatest fallback, because more than likely my husband will do everything in his power to make me cry-laugh – ruining the point of role playing entirely.
Reiterating above – if you can’t implement absence, this is a good alternative in creating it. Pretend your are going on a date with another man (in front of your spouse), as he should do the same. If it helps in any sense, play it off like you are both roommates, or cordial friends – meaning, no touching, kissing, flirting, etc.
But remember – you are still you, don’t pretend to be someone else. I mean, unless you want to? I guess if you wanted to play out the date as a side mistress, then by all means play away if that’s what you both are into. Regardless, the idea here is to pretend – beginning, during and through to the end.
Pretend you don’t know one another.
Pretend you are meeting one another for the very first time.
Pretend you are getting to know one another all over again.
Pretend that your feelings for one another are new.
The name of the game is not to blow your cover until the very end.
Choose a place with sentiment
It doesn’t have to be the actual destination of your first date – though it can be – but choose a place that has sentimental value, or a new place to create it.
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT bring the date home.
The idea is to engage with each other – to talk, and most importantly to connect – outside of what already makes you both comfortable and complacent. Choose a place preferably with an activity that is enjoyable together. If you absolutely must choose a low-key setting, such as a movie, let that not be the only part of your “first date” venture.
If you’re on a budget, plan multiple hot spots that are easy on the wallet, such as going for a walk somewhere, grabbing a coffee or a drink or checking out your local bookstore, art gallery or museum (some days I’ll bet they have super cheap or free admission).
Get dolled up
Because you obviously did this at some point while you were dating – I hope – right? You might have stood in front of your closet and wondered what to wear, tossing 50+ outfits on the floor in dismay. You probably wore those earrings and necklaces, spending hours curling your lashes and hair to perfection.
Maybe you still do this – that’s great. Amp it up a little in any way you can. Buy a new outfit for the occasion, or psst – wear some sexy lingerie underneath that dress of yours.
Trust me, in 2 years of marriage I have certainly stopped doing the little extra things on a regular basis, even on date night. I don’t wear as much makeup anymore and I’ve literally stopped wearing heels altogether.
Bring the little things back once in a while!
OK – I’m not saying you should wear a full length ball gown (unless you somehow scam your way into a high school prom), but dress for the occasion – whatever that be!
Go all out traditional
From courtship to chivalry – because why should any of that go away or unnoticed post I Do’s?
I held onto super traditional dating values – as they were part of my standards and expectations in dating – meaning I really, realllllllly respected the honest gentlemen-type.
Have your spouse actually pick you up (I’m talking drive essentially to the house, [haha] even if he has to circle the neighborhood) for your “first date“. I’m serious – it’s not as silly as you may think. A simple act of courtship (pointless or not) can go a longggg way.
If you are looking to take a different route, use this as an opportunity to treat it like a blind date. Discuss the time and place, but meet up separately and find one another at your chosen destination. Look at it this way – you go in separate, you leave together.
Make the added effort
Add the element of surprise, such as using the printable date cards in your favor. Leave the card for him to find before he leaves for work – your initiation will leave him with the unexpected anticipation!
Make things interesting! Think of all the things you would have done while you were dating – what you did effortlessly then. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, but that shows the extra effort was made.
His favorite restaurant? Make reservations.
Those brownies you baked him that one time – get to it.
Those flowers he surprised you with at dinner – start dropping hints how much you loved them.
Did you take tons of #loveydovey selfies together on your phones? Bring it back.
Was there an outfit your husband loved seeing you wear? Steam out the wrinkles.
That Christian Grey tie you love? Let him know you better see him wearing it.. or else.
End your randevú with a Love Letter
Just when you thought I would say end the date in the bedroom.
Well, I’m not saying not to, either.
But I thought of something a little different – to get in touch with our emotional sides in a creative way. Before your date, write out a heartfelt Love Letter to one another. In the letter, talk about your very first date – your thoughts, feelings, aspirations and your growing Love from then to now. Put in some thought, such as the things you have wanted to say but couldn’t, should have said but didn’t and so on. Talk about your struggles, qualities you love in one another, the spouse you strive to be and your hopes for the future in your marriage.
The possibilities in this are endless – the idea is to be transparent with your spouse.
[Related Read: 4 Ways Transparency Creates Thriving Relationships]
At the end of your date, give each other your letters and read them aloud. I think the letter symbolizes something we often forget is a cornerstone to marriage – connection, familiarity, communication, validating, understanding, listening, vulnerability, transparency, growth, support and hope.