So he claims he’s not interested but keeps texting you anyway? What gives? Unfortunately, you have to be willing to ask yourself one simple question: “Do you truly want an answer, or are you only looking for what you want to hear?” Because if this wishy-washy behavior leaves you with more questions than certainty, I’m going to be real with you.
He says he’s not interested but keeps texting you
He’s holding onto the attention
We all either do this or have done this to some extent, let’s be real. He says he’s not interested in you, yet his texting habits says he’s interested in the attention you’re giving. Sometimes it’s that guaranteed text back or the fact someone [..cares about/likes..] you enough to reach out to you even when you don’t back.
We do this often with people, in general, in our lives. We fill the tank juuuuust enough to get by a little longer – we give people juuuust enough affection and recognition back while they’re dishing you the Love tenfold. Doesn’t make it right, and oftentimes we don’t even realize we’re doing it….but we do.
And in this reality, if he says he’s not interested but keeps texting, it’s likely because you continue entertaining him, or giving him the attention. And if you’re the one giving him the attention in tenfold, he’s likely reciprocating juuuuust enough to make you think there might be hope.
He’s hoping to get “lucky”
Need I explain more? Because he’s definitely down, his mission is to see how down you are. And he’s making that clear by staying in contact with you even if he’s made his plea of not wanting to be in a relationship. Basically, it’s his way of reinforcing Hookup Culture. And with every response he gets back from you, he’s going to assume he’s that much closer to getting lucky at the drop of a dime. Worst of all, when you call him out on his game, he will say the fault is your own and that you could have walked away anytime.
Don’t give him the satisfaction of a prize [you] without playing by the rules [giving you what you ultimately need].
He’s trying to let you down “nicely”
AKA, he’s going out of his way to not seem like that guy – the guy that basically went, “Nope. I’m out. Peace.” Rather than ghosting you, he may believe that you’ll catch onto the civil route as a sign of his disinterest. And as much as this may seem like the nice thing to do for you, this is more for himself (to avoid personal discomfort).
Besides, “Nice” is actually fake and quite manipulative. Being kind, on the other hand, is far more honest and genuine while having the best interest of others even if it doesn’t always sugarcoat their feelings. Hence why, in this case, kindness is often more difficult because it is usually received “offensively” – let’s be real, here.
We can let people down kindly without stringing along unnecessary interferences, such as when he tells you he’s not interested in more with you, yet tells you what a wonderful person you are, “checks in” on you to see how you’re doing, or insinuates a desire for friendship.
[mailerlite_form form_id=23]Staying in contact with you keeps the door open
…for him…well, and you…indefinitely. What door am I talking about? It could be for the potential of something more down the line, or that door could simply mean when he’s lonely and “needs” someone to comfort that loneliness. You might say this door is the silent call of friendship – oftentimes it’s the “I want to remain friends..” [..but not actually embody friendship..] “..with benefits” door.
Bottom-line is that door means nothing currently but [for him] it holds potential for anything, whenever, if ever. As long as the door remains open, it’s like he uses that as guaranteed access to you (in whatever way you’re willing to give it to him) without seeming like he’s taking advantage or being dishonest.