It’s 2025 – are you dating with intention? To date with intention is to date with a reason, purpose or end-goal. Typically this means to date with the intent for a relationship or commitment in mind.
If you’re not sure whether you’re dating with intention or how to date with intention, you simply need a better understanding as to why you’re dating in the first place.
How to date with intention in 2025
*As always, the thoughts, opinions and beliefs throughout this post are entirely my own.
Be up front with what you’re looking for on date #1
While I do believe a first date, or the first few dates shouldn’t resemble a grotesque interview or like a confession, I still think it’s critical to have gotten more out of a date other than their favorite food or color.
If the date is going seamlessly this is bound to happen pretty naturally, but when there’s that awkward limbo I think covering certain topics may help shake the interest and compatibility radar. For example:
- If you’re specifically dating for a relationship, ask them how important exclusivity is to them?
- If you’re nearing 35 and your 5-year plan is to [hopefully] be married with kids, ask where they see themselves in 5 years.
- If you’ve already been married and don’t want that venture a second go around, find out if marriage is in their cards.
- If you travel a lot for work and are looking for somebody who is accepting of that kind of lifestyle, figure out how flexible they are when it comes to work and personal life?
Be clear and direct when you’re not interested or *ready*
Dating is all about not wasting one another’s time. It’s important that is at the forefront if and when you’re not or no longer interested – feelings and pride aside. As difficult and cliche as it may be to simply say, “Hey, I have to be honest, I don’t feel we’re compatible but I want to thank you for the times we shared,” we [should] owe someone that much, even if it ends up hurting or stinging.
Dating with intention also means being clear and direct when you are not ready. For instance, if you’re not ready to…go back to their place, meet their family, be exclusive, get physical, or to open up about something personal. We’re often forcing ourselves to be ready when we’re not for the sake of keeping someone interested or to elevate their feelings [for you] over your own.
Being intentional means owning where it is you’re at and honoring that.
Have your debts paid off
I know there’s some raised eyebrows with that one, so hear me out. I’m not actually talking about money, but that doesn’t hurt, either. Anyway, think of your debts as your past hurt, emotional wounds, unforgiveness, unhealthy patterns, distrust or unmet needs.
Having your debts paid or paying them off is dating with intention because those debts are not being rolled over to another person [connection]. While it may be unrealistic to have every single one of your debts paid off in full, since the human experience is essentially one huge debt in itself, the point is you’re owning your debt and taking the necessary strides to prevent it from sabotaging the potential for a true connection.
Go in with an understanding between a match and a replica
Are you looking for a match, or a replica of yourself? There’s no one on this planet who will be exactly like you, do everything exactly like you do, and so on. We’re so guilty of setting our expectations so unbelievably and unreasonably high that these things take away from the point and experience of truly connecting with someone on a deeper level.
Connections aren’t made and sustained by total unison or with a perfectionism mindset. You will have your strengths and so will they. Your weaknesses might also be their strengths and vice versa. The idea of dating with intention is to be more accepting of someone that is complimentary and not identical.
Prioritize compatibility with an aerial perspective
Meaning, refrain from hyper-fixating on insignificant details with a narrow or small-minded approach. Certain things are super important to people in terms of a romantic partner, like core values, hygiene, personality, religion, political views, and chemistry just to name a few. And that’s fine but, again, we shouldn’t let one little thing paint or ruin the entire picture.
Compatibility is far more important than the menial things where you might differ. And the areas of compatibility that need more careful thought and consideration today are emotional and financial compatibility.
Focus on quality over quantity
This one isn’t said and done enough, especially in the dating world. We’re a society geared toward productivity, efficiency and convenience – we want it, as much of it as we can, and we want it now!
So how often are we willing to rush things or take on too much at once only to realize we end up compromising quality?
Dating with intention means patience and endurance to actually finish the race, it’s not about cutting corners or running ourselves into the ground in order to get first place.