But then I thought about, and above all, there are just some red flags you should notice first. And these red flags should be the no brain-er in your decision to see the person a second time around. These are the red flags that make someone who they are – sometimes they’re hidden, they’re things you can’t change or excuse in someone – and they should not be ignored on a first date.
10 First Date Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
The cell phone is the third wheel
Over usage, or usage at all, of the cell phone is a big No-No on a first date. Naturally, the phone is considered a disturbance. It can be utilized as a distraction from putting your full attention on the person across from you.
Of course this excludes exceptions – that don’t need to be explained in depth – such as if your date is a parent and needs to be readily available for their child, or has a family emergency situation where they may need their phone at hand. But it’s 2017 – people use their phone to track calorie intake and to calculate ovulation. So, if your date has even the thought to answer the phone, it is clearly obvious they have no clear signs of manners, respect or focus.
Too much pessimistic talk
There’s no need for a debbie-downer on the first date. And whether its a pessimistic attitude or opinions, it should not be tolerated. It’s an obvious reason to question your date’s motives and attitude towards the future.
If your date makes a mountain out of a mole hill over petty situations, such as the waiter making an accidental error, you may want to rethink how your date will treat you when you slip up. If anyone is capable of exuding negatively reactive behavior in front of someone they hardly know – who they should be trying to impress – says a lot about their character.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your date showing signs they like you. But when your date is already talking about validating the current status of the relationship, or wanting more from it, shows they are only desperate.
If your date begins delving into your past relationships more than what’s comfortable for you, or constantly needing reassurance of your interest, that shows a sign of insecurity. The constant need of your approval on the first date is a major red flag and an early sign of what is expected in the relationship.
Any form of abusive behavior is unacceptable behavior. Whether its verbal, physical or emotional. If your date talks down to you, makes you feel like you have no way out of the situation, controls every conversation, or has a constant physical grip on you, those are clear signs your date has possible abusive and control issues. And if your date shows any abusive behavior on the first date, its only a downward spiral from there.
If its like pulling teeth to get your date to talk, elaborate, open up, or reciprocate the conversation, it might be an early sign of poor communication skills and possibly secrecy. Sometimes it may feel that your date refuses to fully answer questions, or feels reluctant on the answers to certain questions.
A first date is all about getting to know one another, asking questions and testing each other’s compatibility. And if you walk away from the date wondering what you even got out of it, it’s a sign of what your relationship will be like thereafter.
You’re put in a cornered situation
Things said that can put you in an awkward situation, such as ‘Am I even good enough for you?’, ‘Do you even like me – I get the feeling you don’t?’, ‘I don’t know where this is going – I feel like I am more interested in you than you are me.’ Any of these things said on a first date are trap questions, only to make you feel like you have to second guess yourself. They are the questions that make you think to yourself, ‘What do I even say to that?’ If you have to wonder that at any point, it might be time to end the date there.
It’s all about me, me, me
This red flag is far too common, especially for first dates. But sometimes they can be taken to the extreme; if your date is nervous, they might talk too much, spill too much, or babble on about themselves just to avoid awkward silence. But if the conversation seems to flow easily back and forth, except that the conversation always leads to being able your date. If your date never seems to reciprocate in asking questions back, or in getting to know you, that could be a the sign of selfishness, and someone needing control and validation at all times.
Talks down to you
If there’s any, ‘You can’t possibly be able to afford a two bedroom apartment with that job’, ‘Do you even do any work at that job’, ‘I can tell you don’t work out enough’, ‘Pretty sure I know more about life than you, I’m older’, ‘That sounds like a boring life – work and school’, ‘You should go blonde, I mean, they’re sexier and have more fun – you’d look better blonde’, ‘The food’s good, but you should take on cooking classes or something’, and so on. I could go on and on. And I hope you catch my drift of ‘talking down’ on a first date.
Humor, or insults?
These can be tricky. If your date is making jokes about your looks (whether it be your outfit, your hair, the way you talk), it might come off sounding like he’s not very good at being funny, or is just simply an a** without a care in the world on how you may feel from it. If humor is constantly directed at you, or about you, you might consider addressing the issue (since, in fact, your date might just be nervous and overly trying to impress you). But destroying your ego and self esteem on the first date isn’t a good choice in starting a relationship.
He/She’s trying to change you
If your date says anything in an attempt to alter your appearance, way of life, interests or beliefs: kick the boot, immediately, and never look back. Period.
Since there are so many first date red flags, it’s important to see the signs that can lead the relationship down a negative path. If at one point you feel unclear, unsure, or closed off after a first date, it’s crucial to address the issues and make a decision solely based on your happiness and what you deserve in a relationship.