There is a huuuuuge misconception floating around when it comes to the true meaning of being ghosted by the guy you’re dating these days. Meaning, if it’s been a mere 24 hours without seeing or hearing from him, many are way. too. quick. to throw their hands up and shout, “He’s going ghost!”
This may seem *sudden* and unwanted, but it’s not always the real deal. After you read this post, I highly recommend you dive into this one: Actually, they may NOT be ghosting you.
If he’s been subtly decreasing his efforts over a period of time – i.e., he’s canceled more dates than he’s made, only contacts you on his terms, or has implied he doesn’t want anything *serious* so his actions don’t exactly show he’s *invested* – girlfriend, I hate to break it to you but that isn’t really ghosting. That is, unfortunately, bread-crumbs of disinterest.
Nonetheless, it hurts, it stings and it can be traumatizing when you were all in. BUT, for the sake of this post, let’s say he’s actually ghosting you – like, for real-real.
You’re caught completely off guard because he quite literally has dropped from the face of the earth after giving you enough inclination or signs he’s really into you. And when I say he disappeared from the radar, I’m talking he deleted your number or even blocked you from his socials – it’s like some Mandela effect, and they no longer exist in your world.
He has been unreachable and unresponsive – seemingly out of nowhere – for weeks or even months. Maybe even up until that very moment, he told you everything you wanted to hear, says and does all the right things, has shown up consistently and initiates for more, was emotionally available, and made you a priority in his life. Maybe he’s stated in passing that you’re his “soulmate” – yeah, it’s happened.
Point blank: you’ve been given zero prior reason or suspicion to doubt or distrust his intentions let alone anticipate a sudden departure on his end.
As a former online dater with enough experience in this so-called ghosting department, I’m about to tell you the brutal yet inexcusable reasons why the guy you’re dating ghosted you, and what you can do about it right now.
5 Sudden reasons the guy you’re dating ghosted you
![What To Do When A Guy Ghosts You [+ 5 Inexcusable Reasons He's Doing It] | Reasons why you keep getting ghosted | The real definition behind being ghosted in dating | #datingtips #ghosted | Why you got ghosted and what you can do about it | Healthy relationship tips and dating advice for women | What does ghosting really mean and why do people do it? | #singleladies #dating | Dating advice for the single ladies | theMRSingLink](https://themrsinglink.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/What-To-Do-When-A-Guy-Ghosts-You-PIN-1-627x1024.jpg)
As always, the thoughts, insights, beliefs and opinions expressed throughout this post are my own. If you have any personal or specific questions, feel free to reach out to me!
He had no intention of pursuing you
Yikes – I know – ouch.
Unfortunately, this happens regularly. Two people click at first, you’re getting to know one another, and things seem to be moving along just fine, then somewhere or out of nowhere things change – something changes on one end.
The problem is people always say timing is everything, or they’re looking for the right time. The same also applies when feelings change for people, even in the early dating stages.
Sure, he could be a complete jerk to begin with – maliciously and purposefully toying with your feelings for personal gain – though it’s unlikely someone will go through the extent of any real effort. True A-holes are just too lazy for that the majority of the time.
So when I say he had no intention of pursuing you, there simply came a tap out point for him he just wasn’t *ready* to discuss or bring to light. I think many of us should be willing to admit we’ve been there to some extent.
No matter, this does not excuse the fact his premeditated exit strategy was to vanish and leave you high in dry in the dark.
what you should do
Honestly, thank him for proving he isn’t deserving of you [finger snap], and for not wasting any more of your time. Trust me, there will be consequences if he continues to pull that behavior, so there’s really no need to avenge yourself. He isn’t worth it.
Lesson learned: love-bombing and the toxic spell of getting swept up in the butterflies too fast, too soon are not something to glorify and relish in. While you might be swimming in all the good feels you may not taking into account whether the connection is actually mutual. You also want to make sure his intentions are crystal clear, matching his words with actions and being quick to fill in any gaps that may quickly turn up as potholes.
Out of the blue, he is suddenly no longer interested
I know what I said above – that if he shows signs of disinterest over a period of time it isn’t technically ghosting. That is still very true, yet unfortunately many are not blatantly aware of these signs unless it whacks them straight on the noggin unexpectedly. For instance, yesterday he told you he really liked you, and then today he said, “Sorry, I’m not interested.“
There are some things out of your control, and one of those things is his interest in you. You can’t force someone into loving or liking you, and no amount of self-neglect will make them stay or Love you more, either.
That said, disinterest is not a reprimand, and I know many of you out there are hyper-vigilant to the signs – to the point you take them more personally than you should.
If he’s all of a sudden no longer interested, the last thing you should ever do is convince someone to be with you, let alone give them a reason to stay. That can be the tough reality of dating – it is essentially a test drive or 30-day free trial in getting to know someone without the strings of commitment or conditions of investment.
[Related Read: How to let someone down “nicely” instead of ghosting]
what you should do
You may be the sweetest peach, but not everyone likes peaches. You won’t be everybody’s perfect catch, no matter how loyal, funny, witty, and adventurous you are. We learn this the hard way in dating where rejection should be anticipated (prepared for) but not expected.
Him ghosting you suddenly out of disinterest is his way of saying he doesn’t respect you enough to tell you or give you a kind death. Allow this to bring you a bit of peace and clarity, because you were never meant to turn a hyena into a lion.
[Related Read: When a man respects you, he wants you to know…]
He’s won you, game over
Meaning, he got your attention or gained your affection – end game. In the end, he got what he wanted, achieved his goal and that was that.
Remember when I said true A-holes really won’t put in the time or effort? I still meant it, because it will be genuine and proven consistently over time. Sure, there may be exceptions who are more than novice, but even master manipulators give off red flag vibes.
Rather this is the game of catch and release – he enjoys the fight (catching you or reeling you in) yet once he gets his ego stroked, he will toss you back into the open sea in an attempt to do it all over again. He may even toss you back in the water (still hooked) just to be able to reel you back in again.
This is the guy who played his cards right, went all out in the beginning (and quickly), took his prize rather than savoring it, and wiped his hands clean after in preparation for the next game.
Who really has time for those games? A player does.
what you should do
For starters, stop giving him chance after chance and convincing yourself things will be different the next time around. Don’t enable the cycle of unchanged behavior, otherwise he will continue getting away with it.
He’s simply scum of this earth
As stubborn scum is, they are inevitably tough to get rid of. Frankly, he knows it, too. He might not even care. He is asleep or in a coma to his own internal affliction and he is a walking grenade who inevitably blows himself up in his path of destruction.
Think Bad Boy behavior, the constant hot and cold of his feelings and actions, or lukewarm approach but always met with a side of unexplained combustion. This is, unfortunately, the type of guy many women can’t resist figuring out because there’s always *something* about him. That something is just enough to keep you around long enough for him to do what he does best – sabotage.
what you should do
Don’t confuse his scummy behavior as a cry for help, passion, or this *beast* side to the guy you think he is or is capable of being. He chooses to behave this way because he feels the repercussions are what he deserves.
Pray for him – deeply. Then let him go and never look back.
OR, by the very slim chance… he’s actually not ghosting you at all
And by a slim chance. I explain that one more in-depth in this post. But here are some fairly generalized things that are actually occurring when you believe he might have ghosted you.
- He genuinely might be busy.
- He has a life, with priorities outside of dating.
- His boundaries were violated.
- He doesn’t over-romanticize certain things.
- He’s asked for space, and it wasn’t honored.
