What does a guy mean when he says it’s complicated?

*Sigh* It’s complicated – no, I’m not talking about changing your Facebook relationship status to “It’s complicated” because you got into a fight with your SO. We’re not still at that elementary level, are we?? So what does a guy mean when he says it’s complicated?

Think about the word “maybe” in the real world – maybe may not be a hard no, but it surely isn’t a yes, either. IMO, maybe is always a no if it’s not a solid yes.

Maybe means “for now, unless something better comes around” or “I don’t care about giving you a forthright answer” or “my benefit trumps your deserving of a direct answer” or even “if the pigs can fly…“. YIKES.

Therefore, hopefully I changed or at the very least expanded your mind on the meaning of maybe. Now instead of the word maybe, let’s replace it with “it’s complicated“.

What does a guy mean when he says it’s complicated?

There’s someone else, or the door remains “open”

It could be that you’re not the only one in his carousel of prospects. And while this is technically not a crime in the non-committal dating world, it can be frustrating when you’re sealing the deal emotionally as he is stringing you along for his ride. At some point it will become unbearable to be known as just one of his “side chicks“, and you really only have two choices to make from there.

Or, if no one else is equally catching his attention and affection, then he wants that door to remain open. Otherwise, meaning, if someone else does come along…he’s ushering it right on in.

We often call this, “Keeping our options open“, so we really shouldn’t be taken back. The thing is, if you’ve been bringing up exclusivity or commitment, him saying “it’s complicated” is just a nice way of telling you this without being as direct about it. Saying it’s complicated is also a good way for him to sell you on feelings he does/may have for you while improperly expressing his inability (or lack of desire) to commit.

Therefore, he wants his cake and to eat it, too

If you know for a fact he is seeing other people – he’s currently not navigating a monogamous ship. Basically, he is going to use the “It’s complicated” as a way for him to get his cake and to eat it, too. Meaning, he will tell you just enough of what you want to hear in order to keep seeing you, while still seeing others.

He may simply refuse to tie himself down to one person, which isn’t exactly wrong (as long as he is being honest about it). Or, he’s in a *pickle* over conflicting feelings between you and someone else. Here’s the scenario of the guy who wants to leave his wife (and *says* he will) but won’t (and *still* hasn’t), yet has confessed pretty convincing feelings for you.

Bottom line is, for any similar scenario, for as long as you continue nursing this “complicated” regime, he’s going to continue thinking he can get away with having his cake and eating it, too.

He’s not ready for more, or over the last one

Some people move faster than others in terms of connections, relationships and exclusivity. The moment many realize they are feeling a certain way for someone – they want to seal the deal to that one person, not test the waters to “compare” or attract other opportunities.

But many also define exclusivity as giving up too much “control” over their personal, sexual and social lives. Take it or leave it – whether he’s seeing others, or just wants to keep his options open – some simply fear the act of “sealing the deal” and settling down to build on a connection with one person. And maybe not at the same pace as you.

That being said, he may not be ready for more – if at all.

Or, on another take, he isn’t over someone else. This can turn into a twisted game of cat and mouse, where he subtly ties his emotional confusion or reluctance to his previous ended relationship. He might say things like “I want to take things slow,” instead of “I’m not over my EX, and I don’t want to commit to you if I have a chance with them again.” While I’m not saying it’s wrong to take things slow, but if a guy blames his complicated feelings for you as to why he hasn’t committed…it’s because there’s a third party in the mix.

“It’s not you, it’s me” (no, really)

The problem really is him. I know that’s one of those lines used as an excuse for “I’m just not interested“, but the honest to God truth is that the complications have absolutely nothing to do with you.

Maybe their feelings aren’t in check, or their life is a mess (what they consider being a “mess”). Some can’t handle having a girlfriend with their crazy work schedule. Maybe he recently went through a tragedy and can’t seem to shake those residual emotions in order to make someone else happy. He might be going through a period in his life dealing with depression, anxiety or other personal issues, or he’s possibly still gung-ho over his last relationship.

[Related Read: 7 Reasons Why Women With Self Worth Have Successful Relationships]

Hey, coming from the person [muah] who was dumped because “I wasn’t the light at the end of their tunnel.” I dated someone who had moved across the country for a new job, away from his hometown and family.

All was wonderful at first, until months in – after a period of doubt and emotional confusion out of the blue – he finally elaborated that his sudden pull back of investment was due to feeling homesick. He made the mistake of not telling me how he truly felt while maintaining minimal effort in order to keep me around, as it had surely worked.

In the end, he basically told me I was not a silver lining, nor was I going to be of aid in his situation. That didn’t take away my feeling of being used as a remedy, though it solidified the problem truly was him.

In this case, “It’s complicated” is his way of saying your connection or relationship has peaked. Meaning, it’s not going to go any further than it is for him, and he knows it. Granted, this isn’t always communicated as honestly or direct since it’s not completely ending in a breakup. It can sometimes come across as a hurdle – one that you may even feel you can help, without realizing that the true nature is him simply not wanting to cross that bridge with you.

This is your time to take a step back, evaluate your feelings and the current relationship as it stands. Are his feelings for you and how he treats you measuring up (aligning)? Is this getting in the way of the kind of relationship you’re looking for?

Find out if he is just not that interested in you, or if there are signs that he is simply taking advantage of you.