It’s not much of a secret – you learn a lot about your partner when you travel together for the first time. In fact, traveling as a couple tests your relationship. Some say the result is like fast-forwarding your relationship 10 years. Traveling together really does test the relationship in many ways. BUT, do this too soon, you run the risk of prematurely sabotaging a relationship’s potential; do this too late andddd you just might uncover some important details that can create a strain in the relationship down the road.
Nonetheless, I do believe it is a very necessary – even beneficial – way to unveil relationship compatibility, so to speak, and there are many reasons why couples should consider doing so.
7 Ways traveling as a couple will test your relationship
it forces you both out of your comfort zones or norm
That’s right, you’re no longer in the comfort of your own homes or hometown. You’re navigating this new, strange place in a hotel room or AirBNB that is now both of yours to share. The bed, the sheets, the bathroom – toilet, sink and all. That alone has its own spectrum from exhilarating excitement to stomach-churning anxiety – or both.
I’ll never forget one of the very first trips I took with my [now husband] boyfriend at the time – to Key West – where I had to stomach the idea of using a bathroom without a solid enclosed barrier – it was essentially a flimsy fitting room door with one-way fixed blinds (so only I could see out but he couldn’t see in). But no doubt you could hear a pin drop from in the room. This may not be everyone’s insecurity, but it was mine, and the experience definitely draws out your raw and vulnerable authenticity.
you get a taste of being in each other’s presence literally 24/7
Maybe you live together already, or you already know what it’s like to stay at one another’s place from time to time. Still – you literally don’t get a break from one another when you’re driving across the county by car, enduring a red-eye flight with three long layovers let alone surrounding the purpose of vacationing together in the first place.
So if you can’t seem to make it but a few hours together without igniting irritation of one another – oftentimes leading to inevitable arguments or the game of silent treatment – you’re in for a major wake-up call. Needing time apart and space is a very natural and healthy thing in relationships – giving, respecting and honoring that space is in fact an act of love – that you will need to communicate or set as far as boundaries goes. If you’re someone who prefers doing your bathroom duties in private (meaning, you even want your partner to shut the door when they do their business as well), make that clear and request that be respected.
with that, this can bring out the worst in each other
No kidding, especially when considering the above. Of course you’re only envisioning laying on the beach with a margarita in hand, your partner’s hand holding the other and you’re both seductively soaking up all the paradise feels one crashing wave at a time. Time may even stop, but the reality is your partner is far more than what you have mentally written on paper now that you’re now in vacay-mode.
I’m just saying when you put yourselves in a position of vulnerability, you won’t necessarily have it all together all the time. Yes, the flaws and inconveniences will come out even in the perfect setting – I promise you. You will see how cranky they are in the morning without their cup of coffee, how painfully long they spend in the bathroom, or their lateness when it comes to set plans. You will notice how reactive they are over minor disruptions or how easily they will pick fights with you when things don’t go their way.
I’m even talking about nights you have one too many drinks or end up having the off-chance of food poisoning. Sure, those aren’t really considered the “worst” in us since the results are a universal bodily function, but it sure as hell is one of those vulnerable relationship milestones you may not exactly be prepared to face.
you learn who is the control freak or smooth sailor
Generally, there will always be the one person who takes more initiative than the other, but again we’re talking extremes here. You will quickly learn who has to make every executive decision, sets the rules of the road (literally), isn’t down for switching up plans or last-minute cancellations, and takes control of every aspect down to the minute. Or you will find out who prefers going with the flow, always wants to keep their options available, avoids setting plans altogether or makes last-minute decisions based on current circumstances.
To you, either extreme may be a good or bad thing. Either way, hopefully this is something that naturally compliments you both.
when things go wrong, you see who reacts and how
When the waiter at the restaurant messes up your order, you miss the tour bus (maybe one of you accidentally wrote down the wrong scheduled time), someone’s luggage goes missing, you take the wrong turn (putting you twice as far and long from your destination) or the hotel room is just not up to par to you or your partner’s liking (that crack in the ceiling just ain’t going to work). You will get a pretty good sense of each other’s level of patience, composure, self-control, and humility. Who is likely to overreact and break down completely and who is quick to innovate and make light of a situation gone wrong?
You’re on vacation, of course you want things to go as planned, but just because the idea of travel should be “stress and worry-free” doesn’t always mean that’s the case. The weather being a major factor you can’t control. And you really get a glimpse of who allows a little thunder to ruin the entire trip.
the battle between compromising, negotiating and letting go
A relationship requires compromise because it’s better to bend than to break. In order for compromise to take place you also have to clearly express your wants and needs, so speak up. And when you’re traveling, there are many decisions to be made based on personal preferences, interests, and desires – with the goal hopefully to make the experience equally enjoyable for one another. So when there is compromise there is the intent of fairness on both sides one way or another.
Although it won’t always be painless gray, or equal. Compromising also means giving up something with respect for the quality of the relationship over your ego. That means not always having your way (or letting go of battles not worth picking) as well as doing things you may not necessarily feel like doing. Like when you’re looking forward to plopping your sandy butt on the beach while your partner wants to go zip-lining. This is a concept commonly misunderstood and not implemented on both sides, making it extremely difficult for those to compromise in their relationships.
Granted, sometimes there just isn’t really a happy, gray medium when you’re craving Thai while your partner wants Italian for dinner. But compromise may be making sure both your desires are met, not battling between who gets what they want and who doesn’t. I mean, the point is about making each other happy, isn’t it?
accepting the distinction between vacay-life and everyday-life
This one should be fairly obvious, but for some they truly believe there should be no difference. Ahem, it’s boredom – complacency.
I could tell you relationships are all rainbows, fluffy bunnies, and unicorn farts day in and day out (though my husband would be easily convinced – mostly unicorn farts), but it’s really not like the exaggerated, over-edited nonsense you see in the movies or on those not-reality shows like The Bachelor. It’s missing all the real stuff, in real-time.
[mailerlite_form form_id=23]When you’re on vacation, it’s obviously supposed to feel…well, not like everyday-life. Call it a change of pace and scenery. The same goes for your relationship – it’s probably why it’s recommended for struggling couples to “get away” together – where the intent is to focus and highlight only on the good, fun parts. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, by any means – fun is good, focusing on the good is also good – it’s when you fail to accept and manage the distinction between life on vacation and everyday life.
Unfortunately, the reality for some is that relationships should depict those like on the bachelor, day in and day out. Everyday life may not be the same as vacation-mode, but you can certainly learn to balance work and personal life to make the everyday-life-mode together more enjoyable.
