Marriage is a work in progress.
At least it should be taken as that way.
This means you are prone to developing routines, nasty habits that are hard to break and complacency in the mix of some of the best and worst times marriage brings. You may start going with the flow of the motions – up and down, up and down – with the notion that those ups and downs fix themselves.
Because if the marriage is healthy it should, right?
Meanwhile, when marriage hits a roadblock sometimes you are left stunned, frozen in time and entirely unsure of a direction to take. You may even be left wondering why this roadblock hasn’t fixed itself.
Not all roadblocks in marriage fix themselves, nor will they be a quick fix.
That is why it is so important to see the bigger picture in marriage – that acknowledging a need for change, or improvement, is a good thing!
[Related Read: The Most Influential Marriage Advice I Ever Received]
Sometimes it is merely a change from our ways, habits and complacency in marriage that can make all the difference – especially when approaching inevitable roadblocks.
Needless to say there are so many healthy habits we should consider and instill in order for marriage to thrive. Although these are habits we are likely to withdraw and/or withhold from our spouse in time – simply because the effort becomes irrelevant and we decide that it holds no real value or impact in the midst of marital chaos.
There’s this assumption that it won’t change anything (so you give up too soon), it being impossible to factor in with kids, work and unmet personal needs (while also holding that belief against your spouse) or that the will to simply make that effort is no longer there (because we’re reliant on immediate results to occur as is).
A habit is as much intentional as it is a goal. You have to want it as bad as you’re willing to work for it.
So all in all, your marriage has to be worth it. And with these simple habits, you can completely turn your marriage around, keep it on its tracks and reinforce the overall quality of the relationship with your spouse.
50+ simple habits that can
turn your marriage around
Intimacy, Sex + All The Feels
Schedule intimacy… yes, even sex.
Make a point to say good morning… every morning.
Greet your spouse when they come home from work.
Leave a sweet note for them to find.
Connecting emotionally through more than just speaking… be vulnerable with each other.
Send flirty texts.
Dig deep into one another’s soul… find out about one another’s life purpose.
Talk openly about your sex life… even sexual desires change with time.
Reassure your spouse of your love with more than “I love you”… this can be said out of habit rather than focusing on the implications behind it.
Practice stating why you love your spouse rather than simply saying “I love you”.
Let go of perfection in your spouse… they never will be.
Practice acceptance… true love is not fixing someone to fit the image you want to see.
Love your spouse for all that they are… instead of focusing on all they are not.
Mindfulness, Conflict + Communication
The one quality most human beings desire in life is to be heard… so really listen to your spouse.
Empathize with them rather than focusing on giving your advice.
It really isn’t about what you say… it’s the tone in which you say it.
Question negative emotions and responses rather than reacting to it.
Place yourself in your spouse’s shoes.
Never argue when you’re tired.
Avoid having “the talk”… provide a solution to a problem rather than simply pointing finger at the problem.
Therefore avoid the blame game in marriage… you’ll cut out a chunk of unnecessary feuds.
Understand that your way isn’t the only right way… embrace one another’s individual thinking.
Refrain from automatically making your spouse’s feelings about you.
Complaining is merely emotional nagging… be blunt and direct with your needs instead.
Listen and empathize with how your spouse feels… it’s not your job to decide for them.
Be open and adapting to change… it’s a way of improvement, not control.
Say “I love you” (and mean it) during conflict or an argument… you’ll be surprised by what happens.
Never compete with your spouse.
Do not let the little things become big things.
Remember that the goal is never to “win”… but to forgive.
Understand that conflict is about solving the problem… not winning the battle.
Let go of assuming your spouse can/should read your mind.
Compromise… it may not be everything, but it is something that does wonders.
Refrain from excessive contact when you’re not together (like at work)…if it can wait, let it wait to be said when you’re together.
Communicate without distractions… kids, phone, TV, etc.
Ask more questions rather than making more assumptions.
Trust, Faithfulness + Respect
Give your spouse personal space… preferably before it is asked of you.
Respect one another’s differences… in fact, value them.
Mistakes are an inevitable human occurrence, yet still don’t deserve justification… simply apologize and improve from them.
Don’t speak badly about your spouse to others.
Show appreciation for the little things your spouse does… say thank you often!
Be respectful and considerate of your spouse’s decisions… you’re one of them.
Learn that forgiveness and trust is a choice… though it does not exempt the cause for distrust.
Treat the process of regaining trust delicately… yet with cooperation, dedication and intention.
Complete vulnerability and transparency is the fine-toothed way to truly forgive and regain broken trust.
Put each other’s best interest first…this shouldn’t be a sacrifice, but a pleasure.
Respect one another’s personal boundaries… these are healthy to have and critical to reinforce in marriage.
Express when your personal boundaries are being crossed.
Be transparent about work life, friendships and personal discrepancies… in marriage there are no secrets.
Protect your marriage of risk… at all cost.
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Work on your marital problems within your marriage… not by reaching out or getting fulfillment from the outside.
Set boundaries with friends, family, coworkers, etc… those reactive to those boundaries needed them the most.
Recognize behaviors and interactions that have risk potential in your marriage… innocence still doesn’t mean they won’t negatively affect your marriage.
Understand that certain boundaries are perspective… just because you find behaviors and interactions to be innocent your spouse may see something (a risk) that you don’t.
Honor and defend your spouse… even when they are not looking.
Do not allow toxic individuals outside your marriage to intervene.
Instill common courtesy in marriage… such as letting them know you’ll be home from work later than expected.
[Related Read: Crucial Boundaries To Protect Your Marriage From An Affair]
Togetherness
Put your phone away during quality time together.
Limit technology use altogether in each other’s presence.
Set health goals together.
Eat healthier together.
Enjoy one another’s company doing fun things.
Be each other’s biggest fan, motivator, and support.
Encourage one another’s dreams and goals.
Make more meals at home together.
Make plans and schedule time together.
Reminisce the good times over the bad times.
Create and share a ritual together.
Embrace the times you think alike… and respect the times you don’t.
Encourage separate hobbies and engage together in common ones.
Set and achieve marital goals… you are encourage to be each other’s marriage counseling!
Overall Happiness + Satisfaction
Prioritize good sleep… you’d be surprised.
Be direct yet thoughtful with your needs and desires.
It’s “Happy Spouse, Happy House”… their happiness is also your happiness.
Check in openly about your spouse’s personal happiness, as well as your own.
Be accountable for the things you do and say to your spouse that may hurt them.
The same effort that you give to your spouse… also needs to go towards yourself.
Spend quality time outside one another… a healthy absence can instill or repair that passion and anticipation.
Surround yourselves and your marriage with positive friends and family.
Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness… so don’t make him accountable for it.
Friendship + Partnership
Prioritize your spouse’s needs without having to ask them of you.
Ask for your spouse’s opinion on a matter… and value it.
Avoid creating double standards… never make your spouse feel inferior.
Make one another’s priority a standard in your marriage… your spouse comes first – without question or hesitation.
Gender roles or not… do not allow this to dictate the quality or essence of your marriage.
Encourage and prioritize alone time with friends.
Consult with your spouse… you’re married now, so your decisions don’t only affect you.
Build up your spouse… because when you say or do things that hurt them, you’re also hurting yourself.
Willfully engage in your spouse’s interests… even if it’s just talking about them.
Treat your marriage as the sole most important entity over friends and acquaintances.
Establish a marriage that is treated as 100/100… though understand it rarely ever will be.
Money-issue is a control-issue… budget finances as a team.
Practice the One Pot theory… that even with separate bank accounts and credit cards, it’s still “our” money.
Live and budget a lifestyle on one spouse’s income… avoid financial stress in the long run by not living your means at the top of your budgets combined.
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