I think at some point in our lives, we are all incredibly guilty of toxic behavior.

If you really think about it, we all endure highs and lows, go through heartache and hardships, deal with stress on a daily basis and have different upbringings (which are a major stem to behaviors we learn from our childhood). There are also subtle signs you may have toxic people in your life, and allowing them to poison the very peace and positivity we strive for.

Those who are toxic usually justify these behaviors – through victimization, manipulation or denial. No matter, these behaviors are accepted as normal in their eyes. But the harsh reality is that they might never realize its destruction in their interpersonal relationships, work ethics and to themselves.

I’ve come to terms in the last few years that I have been allowing myself to focus and dwell so much on negativity around me. Not letting it consume me, change me and manipulate my perception of who I really am has been a work in progress. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back or vice versa.

Therefore, this post has everything to do with recognizing those negative behaviors and attributes within ourselves and in others, and learning how to handle those behaviors so they do not continue to negatively impact our lives. This post is also meant for you to keep a very open mind, and to take a deeper look inside yourself, your relationships and even your own behavior. The goal is to weed out those in your life who endure toxic behaviors, or to consider that you may be contributing to the toxicity that impacts your life and those around you.

10 subtle signs of

toxic people in your life

[& toxicity you may need to fix]

Constant Negativity

Whether it be about you, themselves or life in general. You know what a negative mind doesn’t bring? A positive life. Granted, we are encouraged to be open and willful in helping those and being there for ones in need, but at some point it will cost us. And allowing those who embrace constant negativity into your life do not create a healthy life environment. There are going to be times where we will need to let the negativity go… even when that involves someone in your life.

[Related Read: 4 Things You Need To Stop Doing In Order To Live A Happier Life]

Playing The Victim Card

This is for those who are truly convinced that “The world is out to get me,” or “I’m an easy target for people to hurt me.”

Meaning, everyone else around them is responsible for their pain and suffering.

We all play the victim card in a way, but it becomes a problem when it is frequent, or is used to manipulate others. This is called “victimizing“.  It’s a behavior in which those use negative circumstances, situations, misfortunes or feelings to manipulate guilt, pity and sympathy in others instead of taking accountability. It’s also entrapment – those who play the victim card are likely doing so to excuse their own negative actions and behaviors, or as a way to display entitlement.

Belittling

Ever have somebody who constantly “doctors” you in life? These are the people who likely do more of the talking than the listening. They are also the ones who have a way of knit picking against your every belief, opinion and life decision. They are essentially manipulating how you should live your life – another way of control – based on their own beliefs and opinions. Which then leads to…

The “My Way Or Highway” Mindset

Ever have someone give you advice, but you end up taking a different route or go against it? Sure – we all have. Ever have someone who holds resentment towards you after the fact? We all might have experienced that one person who felt agitated for trying to “be a good friend” – hell, I’m sure we have all been on both sides of that boat before.

A toxic person with the My Way Or Highway mindset will react negatively as a way of defense. They will treat you different purposely in order to deal with their resentment, and may even continuously hold that above you, instead of understanding that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, belief and decisions.

[click_to_tweet tweet=”Toxic people will always notice the change in your attitude towards them, but they will never notice that it was their behavior which made you change. #selfimprovement @themrsinglink” quote=”Toxic people will always notice the change in your attitude towards them, but they will never notice that it was their behavior which made you change.”]

Tough Love

Another way of control and manipulation. Those who simply don’t make it easy or give it openly. They believe love is something earned – not freely given – especially by keeping tabs of good and bad. Those who find themselves on the receiving end of tough love may feel they frequently start from ground 0 to gain their love and respect.

Negative behavior, words or actions may even be a toxic display in showing “Love” – as a way to break you open (again, for more control) and making you vulnerable.

Tough love with toxic individuals goes beyond respect, trust, honestly and loyalty in this sense. It’s implemented in a way to make you feel inferior, that you must rise above the bar while expecting the minimum, or to essentially “pass a test” in order to receive love. This is a false impression of how love is supposed to feel. And it isn’t supposed to be unreachable or painful. 

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Your Feelings Are Not Valued

I’ve experienced this more times than I can remember, honestly. It’s a major reason I have this ongoing belief that my feelings are invalid when caused by another – no matter the situation, big or small. Its as if my mind automatically insists that how I feel is my fault, my problem, and my responsibility to fix – that expressing how I feel to the cause is just a way to point blame.

If someone ever says or does something to make me hurt or angered – it’s extremely and painfully uncomfortable for me to express how I feel. While most normal people do – to validate the emotions in a given situation, in hopes to generate empathy from the cause, and – I don’t know – hopefully get understanding and an apology?

Then there are those who go out of their way to make your feelings invalid – to shut out how you feel and turn the entire situation against you. They would rather justify their own feelings and dismiss yours when it’s a complete inconvenience or offense to them.

It could likely be a pride thing – no less extremely selfish and toxic in terms of interpersonal relationships. But there are those who simply believe it’s their job to dictate how you should and shouldn’t feel (especially if they are the cause), as well as for you to thank them for “clarifying” the situation to cause those invalid feelings.

If someone doesn’t value how you feel – despite the cause – they likely don’t value you or themselves to begin with.

There’s Frequent Use Of The Blame Game

The blame game is used on everyone and everything but themselves. Or, the only exception is when they blame themselves only to then justify their actions and behavior.

Example: “I know, I know – I was late, again – by 15 minutes this time. That’s better than an hour – I mean, give me a break. Trust me, I tried to get here on time – I come from BFE and I wasn’t feeling great this morning…”

Which brings me to my next point of…

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Lying To Save Face

Were they really trying, and were they really not feeling great that morning? Point is – we all lie. We lie to justify out faults, flaws and bad habits. But when does it get to a point that is toxic?

When they compromise the relationship because of it. 

They’d rather hide behind a lie than be known as the genuinely late friend. Truth be told – that’s when all worth and value of the relationship goes out the window. They would rather be disingenuous in order to secure their own dignity.

Incapable Of Being In The Wrong

We all know these people – at least one person. And its like that itch you just can’t scratch. These are especially those who downright say, “I can admit when I’m wrong – no doubt about that.” Yet, they have that exact problem.

It’s similar to dating a guy, and they come out and say, “I’m a total gentlemen – I’m the most gentlemen that it gets. I treat women right – I can treat any woman right.”

It’s as the saying goes, “Do instead of what you say – actions speak louder than words.” In a sense I wonder if these people think they can overcompensate, or manipulate, simply by using their words. Meaning, it’s likely their actions won’t match up.

I’ve concluded that these people are either extremely damaged and sensitive when it comes to accepting fault, or they are so self-absorbed that they have no idea what it feels like to be a disappointment in the eyes of others.

They just have no sense of accountability whatsoever.

No matter how you try to get through to them, they either refuse to acknowledge your feelings or they genuinely believe they are incapable of doing any wrong. If anything – you are now suddenly in this alternate Universe, the tables are turned and they are now the one frantic, upset or angry with you.

And I bet they will even go as far as saying, “I’m know I’m not prefect…“, yet when that time comes their reaction is the mere opposite. It’s as if they slapped you in the face (clear as day), then claim it never happened, or you somehow brought it upon yourself.

That – right there – spells manipulation. And unfortunately, those people are likely to never change unless they change themselves first.

In Denial Of All The Above

Let me be real with you when I say that the most common toxic trait of any person is when they clearly embody any or all of the above traits – yet denies them.

Let me also be real with you when I say that everyone has likely been a prime example of these traits. The difference is being able to acknowledge it, accept it, willing and able to apologize to those affected by it, learn from it and strive for change.