My 6 best tips for planning a small wedding

Smaller, destination weddings are becoming the new fad. Or they always were, but now they’re not exactly in secret. Either way, I went against the grain of the traditional, big, over the top wedding. I had less than 50 people total, though at the end of the day it didn’t seem too few. Here are my *6* best tips for planning a small wedding.

Right now, with smaller weddings, it’s all about location, location, location! Brides and grooms tend to go out of the box from the traditional ballroom reception and church weddings. There’s certainly nothing wrong with traditional weddings – for many it’s a family tradition passed down. But there’s beauty behind every wedding, because it’s solely about the Love between the bride and groom – not about how much money is spent, time is put in, how many attend, how big the venue is, whether you have a live band or DJ, or the number of tiers on the cake. 

So if you’re a bride looking to keep your wedding small – relatively under 60-80 people – then you have an overwhelming amount of decisions to make. Big or small, weddings are going to be stressful – take a deep breath, accept the inevitable, and exhale.

As for someone who shared their big (though small), special day with under 50 guests, I have a few tips for planning a small wedding that may resonate for you.

 My 6 best tips for planning a small wedding

Budget comes first

It would seem today most parents (who are assisting in the wedding budget-wise) expect to have 100% of the say in the wedding planning. Or, at least they don’t make it easy in the decision-making factor. After all, it is their money.

BUT,  I’m a firm believer in “its your day, no matter where the money comes from” – though with respectful gratitude, of course. Either way – when planning a wedding, setting and sticking to a strict budget must comes first.

My husband and I set a budget that would allow us to pay for our entire wedding. We also went in with zero expectations of being compensated for anything. With that being said, we nailed down what we were able to spend, and focused on what we wanted to spend our money on.

Nearly half the cost of every wedding starts from the guest list. Then there’s considering the size of the venue for your number of guests, how much food and where it comes from, and so on. Knowing that information, aligned with our budget, we faced our next biggest issue in planning a small wedding…

[Related Read: 5 Little things to do the morning of your wedding (to help you slow down and relax)]

the guest list: you won’t please everyone

We ended up slashing our original – mostly hypothetical – list of 150+ guests down to 90, then somehow half that.

TBH, it took A LOT of consideration and focusing on the big picture rather than worrying about those we would likely disappoint.

In turn, it was more important for us to have the people currently and directly in our lives be present for our big day. And we knew that in having a small wedding (while we each having big extended families), we were going to be cutting a large chunk of family and friends.

I feel that weddings are that icky, sticky situation for two reason: worthiness and validation. People want to know they are worthy of being a part of that person’s most special day. And for most it’s rather normalcy to consider blood-relatives to be automatically appointed as worthy.

But you have to remember, to be considered a small wedding there is still a cap. So here’s the thing: you can’t, and won’t please everyone.

If you have larger families, in order to conserve that number the guest list will have to get cut. Second cousins, friends of family, co-workers, acquaintances, old fraternity brothers or sorority sisters, significant others and children under 18 may be the first to consider.

You and your fiance will need to thoroughly consider who, of that small number of people, you will want to remember being present for the rest of yours lives. Unfortunately a very thick line must be drawn, yet it’s important to do so fairly.

Maybe the small wedding just isn’t your ideal picture?  I thought this, too, but remember: keep your budget in mind. More people = more money involved.

So do what I did, and ask yourself: If it came down to just the two of you (you and your fiance), or just immediate family (just your parents or parental figures) at your wedding, would you be completely happy? And work from there.

Think about having an “out of town” or destination location…

When picking a venue, we understood that places in Orlando were in range of $15-30,000 while inclusive or destination venues were only a slice of that with having a small wedding. A venue alone in Orlando for a small wedding was already over what we spent in total on our wedding in the Florida Keys. 

When you choose a place to hold your wedding that is a bit more than a quick car ride in town or steps away between ceremony and reception, you’re likely able to justify why you are keeping your guest list small. Not only are destination areas a bit more expensive in travel and hotel accommodations (though, totally worth it), destination locations are usually all inclusive and include customized wedding packages!

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Keep ALL temptations to a minimum

You keep hearing from outer rows of friends or family, who are upset they weren’t invited or those you did invite, that they couldn’t bring a significant other. So you start to feel guilty and cave into upping your guest list.

You think, “what’s the harm – it’s 20 extra people..”

Doing so adds practically another $100+ per person and more money toward venue space and table space to your budget.

Just something to be aware of when considering 20 more people as “not a big deal”. It is when it’s a small wedding.

Therefore, I would advise not making major changes or lowering yourself to temptations throughout the wedding process. They may cost you – literally.

Go DIY for your big day

Not having a wedding planner was a big stresser, no doubt, but I kept my mind busy by implementing a lot of DIY, such as my beach reception centerpieces! But even if you’re not crafty, there’s many little projects you can do to keep down the costs by doing your own invitations, reception cards, table numbers, and guest favors.

Consider a very small bridal party, or none at all

I know, I know, CRAZY thought. But if your wedding contains 35 people with 15 total in your bridal party, that’s half your guests. You’re going to look back and see only 15 actual guests sitting down in those chairs at your wedding.

Cutting back, or doing without the bridal party, will at least alleviate the stress of keeping those ducks in a row. And we know how stressful brides can be just over the bridal party. So I simply did without it. It wasn’t easy at first – feeling like I had betrayed some of my friends who I think were expecting it – though I knew, in the end, they honestly appreciated the ability to enjoy my wedding without the added expenses or unnecessary sacrifices.

Many people have their own opinions on intimate nuptials, and some think those that have small weddings are condemned to divorce, or regret that winds up with redoing the wedding altogether. People automatically assume “small weddings” are because of finances (which, it very well may, but not everyone defines a wedding to ‘wealth’), the rush of getting into a marriage just to have a wedding (again, also true but for many, it’s a [religious] sacrament), or absolute selfishness by cutting family and friends being present on the big day (selfish or not, it’s the couple who has to own and live with their [nuptual] decisions, so who cares?).

Small weddings don’t have less significance, and we really need to break the stigmas behind not having the big to-do. Besides, isn’t a wedding solely about celebrating the conjoining of the couple at its core, regardless of how many, how much, and the way it is celebrated?