How do you know if he is the one? Likely, there can be thousands of reasons, and thousands of reasons he’s not – most of which are defined personally. So really, everyone’s version of the one is different – how crazy is that? And while that is very true, I also think there are universal qualities we all commonly strive to find in our version of the one.

Just like anyone else, I had expectations that I desired (qualities in someone that were likely going to be short-lived, or ever-changing). Looks – for example – are an ever-changing quality. Hence why you should never base your Love for someone solely on their appearance. But we do anyway – many times hoping the wonderful exterior layer compensates for the qualities they lack. This is where it can get ugly down the road – years from now, when the looks have dwindled or changed, and the qualities he didn’t have from the beginning are causing you unhappiness or dissatisfaction.

I was also in my early twenties at the time, so I was high on romanticism. I wanted a man who pursued me, chased me, worked for my attention, and courted me – at all times. And when I felt that he had “won” me by beginning to slack off, I would fill with doubt and that he had become complacent. Again, romanticism – another short-lived and ever-changing expectation. Over the years, I have backed down from that high in young dating and realized that complacency is actually a natural occurrence – within moderation.

And as I got older, finding a lifelong partner wasn’t about who they are at the time. It’s about seeing them and their qualities as a partner long-term – the qualities that truly matter in knowing if he is the one.

Signs He Is THE ONE

[here’s how you will really know for sure]

He strives for your fullest potential

Inside and out. As a person, AND a partner. All the while, he makes you want to be a better (or the best) version of yourself. And even when you’re not, or at your very worst, he is your motivator, your teacher, your mentor, your adviser, and your coach. He will always show you your worth, without limitations or conditions, and he will carry both his and your weight if and when you fall. Because in Love and relationships no one is perfect 100% of the time, 24/7 or 365. And with that…

He accepts you (all things good, and bad)

For the days you refuse to put on makeup, it being that time of the month and you’re on your third day of wearing the same baggy sweats – sporting the no bra and messy bedhead look, skipping a few months at the salon so your grays are coming through (or maybe you stopped dying your hair altogether), you forget to shave your legs (a few days turns into over a week), or the last time you remember dressing to the nines – other than shorts and a tee – was for your anniversary (that was 6 months ago).

No matter – he still Loves you. No matter – he still shows you and tells you that you’re the most beautiful thing in his life. No matter – he encourages you to be you (not perfect). No matter – he knows looks are ever-changing, while your heart and soul is the reason he fell in Love with you in the first place.

You both share the same morals, ethics and values

Because… first off: why would you want to even be with someone who doesn’t? There’s a reason you have your own morals, ethics and values – they are what shape you as a human being, and a partner, and ultimately they are the expectations that you desire in return.

He’s passionate in his beliefs on Love, relationships and even marriage – following those beliefs with action. He believes every relationship takes never-ending work and effort – that the centerfold of your love isn’t always going to be peaches and cream or smooth sailing. He knows Love is never easy – it doesn’t just happen or fall in the lap – it exists because it was created, and doesn’t come with a manual or handout. He understands, if not encourages the bumps, rough edges, hills and valleys, highs and lows, and times you both may hit rock bottom. He knows imperfection is to be expected, and that commitment is built upon the mutual foundation of choice, and that that’s what keeps the relationship whole.

[Related Read: Marrying Someone With Similar Core Values Was The Best Decision I Ever Made]

 

How did I know my husband was the one? • There’s a thousand reasons! On the blog, @themrsinglink, I go into the reasons that truly matter if you really want to know what it means to have found “the one”.

A post shared by CARISSA • Lifestyle Blogger (@themrsinglink) on May 21, 2018 at 12:32pm PDT

He respects you – in all avenues

And while there are too many avenues to name – think of it like this: he would never dare to attempt, imply, speak or act in such a way that makes you feel inferior, uncomfortable, invalid, dispensable, unimportant, ungrateful, unworthy or powerless. If he has crossed that line, even just once, it sets the tone for how little he will respect the rest of the relationship.

If he’s the one, he respects your beliefs and opinions – whether in agreeance or not. He honors your space and times of declination – meaning, “No means no“. He welcomes and validates your emotions in the attempt to understand – without shaming you. When he’s in the wrong, he strives for your forgiveness – without pointing blame or making excuses. His honesty and loyalty is number one – he knows you are worth the truth and him being worthy of you defines his devotion. When there is conflict, he aims in finding resolution – without resentment or holding anything above your head. And in times of grief, distress or hardship (or when the going gets tough between you), he embraces alongside you instead of jumping ship “where the grass is greener“.

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Ultimately, that you CAN live without him (& vice versa)

Yep – I said it.

I know I’m probably stepping on hot coals with this one, but here’s why:

Having met my husband, and finding out he was a police officer – the very first, initial thought that ran through my mind was valid, as well as something entirely new I knew I’d have to commit to. It was a thought, and a commitment, I shoved to the back of my mind for so long – I refused to face it for a long time.

Because why should anyone have to?

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It was the thought of knowing that there was the possibility of one day losing him, and having to live without him. And sure, I know there’s that same risk for every.single.person on this planet, and that’s inevitable in the end for everyone. But knowing that my husband’s job was to intentionally put himself into harm’s way for the safety and protection of others is both commending and depleting (as for being his partner in support of his career choice).

But every healthy relationship is two people who are completely secure within themselves. So, yes, I guess you could say I have had to come to terms with the fact that I need to be able to live without him. And to be OK with that. I’m not just talking about financially and romantically, but mentally, emotionally, and independently. I needed to face my denial, and learn acceptance – just as he should do the same. It’s not that I dream of ever wanting to, but there’s a difference between can’t and not wanting.

Granted, I strive in being a devoted wife, and I’m not perfect, either. I worry every single time he walks out that door to go to work – the feeling of that possibly being the last, and being alone. There are times when I catch myself thinking, “What would I ever do without him?” I know some can definitely relate, and there are those who have had to endure it.

Yet, I find it is important now more than ever to not lose my self identity – the fact that before my husband came along, I was already more than sure of myself. And that is my entire point here. That in finding the one, he should never, ever consume you – your life, your purpose and your existence. The one is supposed to compliment your life, not make or complete it. And the larger reason as to why a relationship thrives is because two self-loved individuals know what it means to make not only their SO a priority, but also themselves.