Do you have a fake friend (or also known as a ‘frenemy’) in your life? What I mean is…that friend who pretends or appears to be genuine on the outside when really they’re actually quite parasitic. Again, seemingly harmless on the outside but can actually be doing unforeseen and unexpected damage. There are some pretty dead giveaways, and I’m giving you 10 easy examples on how to spot a frenemy in your friendship circle.
Personally, I think every circle has one to some degree, but that doesn’t mean we should be overly consumed with plucking apart the crop from the sign of a small weed. Though it is important to pay attention because some weeds, when allowed to grow and take over only seek to devour, kill and destroy.
Main points within this post..
How to spot a frenemy (fake friend) in your life
They’ll talk about you behind your back, as well as others
Whether they’re spreading false rumors, gossiping about your personal life or sharing confident details to others, your name is somehow always on their lips. We typically think of this as mean-girl behavior, but it may not always appear that way.
Unfortunately, a tell tale sign of a fake friend is their inability to keep matters between you – big or small. They’re so in love with gossip that they’ll even openly talk about others to you any chance they get, and if they’re doing that then they’re guaranteed to be doing the same about you to others.
A frenemy will give you self-sabotaging advice
It’s not to say that a friend will always give you solid, sound advice, but a frenemy enjoys sabotage. Granted, its more like a poisoned cake covered in delicious frosting with sprinkles – the point is they just want to watch you eat it, like a form of entertainment.
A fake friend may point you in a direction that seems harmless and even well-intended at first, but they know two steps ahead you’ll stumble. Unfortunately, these individuals may come across a bit haughty (like a “know-it-all”), and in a manipulating way (through guilt) they go great lengths to gain or even force your trust.
Fake friends only offer fake apologies
If any, at all, honestly. But that would be too obvious, so a fake friend has to be smarter than that. Without damaging a shred of their ego, an apology will almost always sound whitewashed. A fake apology means they’re only acting out what is required without actually feeling remorse or convicted of the hurt caused.
Fake friends love fake apologies because it doesn’t require them to consider the other person’s feelings (except their own), take accountability, acknowledge the elephant in the room or accept that they are in the wrong (at all). So you’ll often hear words like, “I’m sorry but…,“, “I’m sorry if…,” or “I’m sorry…’for whatever has made you upset’.“
They’re MIA when you really need them
Fake friends are somehow always coincidentally “too busy” or absent when you need them. Notice I said *always*, so I’m stressing the always. A frenemy doesn’t have the intent or motivation to be of service or help, so there’s always an excuse or they’ll simply go off the radar until it passes. Though they will likely attempt to smooth things over with fake words like, “Let me know if you need anything,” or “I’m here for you.“
The ticker here is that a fake friend will have no problem needing your assistance at their convenience…until it’s the other way around. This is why you might notice a heavy imbalance in reciprocated effort when it comes to dependability.
A frenemy will pretend to celebrate your wins
A fake friend genuinely won’t be happy for you, nor will they be particularly celebratory of your successes. Granted, surely, not everyone has to support every choice you make in life – a real friend will at least make you aware of what they cannot support, out of mere honesty, yet still be respectful and there for you.
On the other hand, a frenemy will brag about their accomplishments while dejecting yours. They’ll even go as far as making you feel alone in your happiness and ashamed of your wins. And if they do pretend to be happy for you, it comes off completely envious and grudging.
They’ll take sly measures to turn your other friends against you
Including vice versa – they’ll turn you against your other friends. Heavy on the sly measures because it will *almost* seem like that fake friend has your back. You may start to notice your other friends distance themselves from you, stop including you, disappear from the radar or even express disapproval of you – though they’re not going to point the finger at the source or common denominator.
A frenemy wants nothing more than for you to be the scapegoat in this scenario, so as to make them appear totally innocent (and like they’re doing you a favor). They’ll do this sneakily by behaving more like a wedge (stirring pots, poking bears and picking bones) than a bridge in your circle of friends.
A fake friend is pretty up front with their lack of empathy
And by pretty up front I literally mean it’s their “personality” excuse – they’re not ashamed or convicted of it. Unfortunately many people participate in this trend – attributing their merciless, arrogant attitude to “who they are” or their new self through *personal growth*.
They have no problem trampling on emotional boundaries – in fact, they don’t apply to them. A frenemy simply doesn’t have the time or mental capacity to deal with the hardships of others when only their own matters. Because of that they will often be impatient with you, fail at listening, respond inappropriately or abrasively, and live in their little realm of self-unawareness.
Like I said, a fake friend will almost ooze of apathetic and unfiltered criticism, and they’ll treat it like a flex.
Fake friends are quick to jump ship
This one might hit different these days, because I find this increasingly in friendships. That friend who suddenly jumps ship was likely checked out of the friendship for some time and the fake friend became the substitute (same individual, different *person*). Maybe this is something more common than we want to credit but something to acknowledge, nonetheless.
By quick to jump ship, a frenemy offers no second chances, attempts for repair or redemptions. And like this article says, a fake friend will run when times get tough. They may even go as far as to ghost you.
They’ll slowly stab you in the back or deceptively from the front
The worst part is you may not even feel it at first. Though you know how they say: a true friend will stab you in the front, not the back. Oof, yeah, me too – ouch.
The thing is, a fake friend won’t give you a quick, clean death – back or front. In fact, their execution is tormenting. You might even start to believe its your fault as their hand is gripping yours on the dagger. I really don’t mean for this post to get this dark, I apologize, but it’s true.
A stranger (who never really knew you) will simply stab you in the back and run, but a frenemy will stay and make it a slow, deceptive process because there’s something in it for them.
A frenemy won’t have your interest and well-being in mind
Easy – how to spot a frenemy is knowing whether or not they have your interest at heart and well-being in mind. That you matter to them, plain and simple. A fake friend would never intentionally put you in harm’s way or in an uncomfortable position. Nor would they just let you put yourself in harm’s way or in an uncomfortable position – real friends are straight up with you, even if it stings and you don’t like it.
Therefore, a frenemy simply won’t respect you. They can’t respect you because they lack respect for themselves. So take this as the biggest lesson here: how they treat you is often a reflection of how they feel about themselves.