Oh how far TML has come! Almost technically 3 years in the making, and 2 years as a full-time, all in or nothing blogger, designer and entrepreneur.
Yes, I still have to correct the spelling of that word… every time. #noshame
And you know, I have yet to actually celebrate a “bloggiversary” – which is coming up here in June! TBH, the word makes me cringe a little – no idea why. Some might say that I’m not proud of what I do and how far I’ve come, but the truth is I’m just suuuuper forgetful about those things! Plus, I guess I’m a rebel when it comes to these kind of trends, and I like it that way.
A LOT has changed over the course of 3 years on TML – I’ve rebranded several times, changed course of where my content was going and figured out who my audience truly was for my blog. I also have SO MANY ideas, yet have the toughest time when it comes to motivation and ambition, and in the end tend to overthink the worst case scenario of bringing my ideas to life.
Thank youuuuu type 6 on the Enneagram.
So why a life AND love improvement blog, anyway?
Originally I solely wanted to be a relationship and marriage blogger (granted, my content was still all over the place way back when), mostly on sharing my success story of online dating and my unconventional insight on dating, relationships and, well, marriage in the making.
Then I realized something in time – that our relationships are actually strongly influenced and impacted by ourselves. Meaning our individual lives, our happiness, purpose, identity and sense of self. Although there’s a little more to it, I really wanted to incorporate both in my content. How important it is to uphold individuality, value and worth, and to improve upon yourself, which can all greatly influence the quality of your life…and love.
so why a
life and love
improvement blog, anyway?
your happiness is your responsibility
Not your parent’s, not your job’s and not your spouse’s – yours. We forget that our childhood, upbringing, financial and social environment, and even our relationships are what shapes us… but none of those things are responsible when it comes to your happiness.
self love is not selfish, but necessary
We’re being misguided, or blatantly confused, hearing time and time again that the only way to true happiness or finding purpose in life is through self love. (Now wait…) If you were to consider the definition of self love, (n) regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic), it does not say without regard for others entirely.
Yet, we are constantly being told many self loving behaviors are selfish.
I am a genuine advocate for self love. Therefore no aspects define this critical need as selfish. Since it contains the word love, by calling the act of being self loving as selfish, that is basically defining love in itself a selfish act and feeling. Arrogance, pride, vanity and conceitedness is selfish – which is not self love, nor defined as loving to begin with.
We need to be defining self love as a necessity, a self awakening, and a life long journey in happiness and purpose. That without it, no one will truly know how to love another if they are not actively loving themselves.
without change, there is no learning or growing
I truly believe a major problem in the world is a lack of accountability. That our individual misfortunes, failures, pain (whether caused by others or not) and unfairness based on comparison is the rest of the world’s problem. Otherwise meaning that everyone else is first to blame. In turn, the bigger picture of what’s wrong in this world will never change if we wait for the rest of the world to be accountable before ourselves.
We have to be willing to see accountability as strength, not weakness. That change (whether you feel you need to or not) means growth, and in change you are also learning and impacting more deeply and positively than remaining resilient to life’s inconveniences.
Besides, expecting everybody else to change in your world will only lead you to inevitable disappointment.
you cannot fix or change others (nor should you)
To get a better sense on this, I will leave you with this quote I recently read in a book that has changed my outlook on my true self, and in others – whether in life or love.
“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
―
self improvement and relationships go hand in hand
I love researching the latest on what it is particularly many are having trouble with in their love lives these days. One thing I am noticing more and more recently (since I write with the female audience in mind) is women keep asking why there are hardly any blogs (rather – teachings or manuals) pertaining to men when it comes to improving themselves and in relationships. And – my favorite – why it always seems like the woman’s job to [I quote] “raise grown men and teach them how to treat a woman in relationships“.
Here’s what I think: that mindset is entirely unhealthy to have in regards to relationships – period.
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They are right – it ISN’T their job to teach men anything. But while we can preach that, “mothers need to raise their sons to uphold respectful standards in how women should be treated“, (as with everything else stated in the sections above) unfortunately upbringing is not a sole factor as to whether someone becomes a good person.
And I bear witness to it.
Granted, good people make bad, unhealthy decisions. We are human, after all. The reality is there are those in this world that simply choose to be sh*tty people. No matter how well they were raised, the amount of love they received, how much money they came from or how privileged they seem. There are those who refuse to be accountable for their mistakes, misfortunes, failure and even their words, beliefs and actions.
Meanwhile they also have no regard in how their choices will affect and impact others (especially in relationships).
You can’t make a man choose to be a better man. In fact, nothing in this world can, except himself. You, and every other aspect in this world, are only an influence. *Do not confuse this with guiding your partner in how you want to be loved – everyone loves differently – but human decency, integrity, respect and honesty is a foundation no one should have to lay for anyone else.
So why do I write love advice on relationships… for women?
It’s a fact – we are more intuitive, emotional beings (pride is generally not our weakness). To be clear, there are other blogs out there that cater to men – like Guys Stuff, The Perfect Male Blog, and Nick Notas to name a few. Some may be not be gender-biased (as most relationship advice can and should be a two-way street), so just because some relationship blogs don’t use him/her doesn’t mean it isn’t directed to one and not the other.
And why do I talk about self improvement when it pertains to those relationships… for women? Because the only aspect in your relationship that you can control (and change) is YOU. That is why self improvement and relationships go hand-in-hand.
life is a constant cycle of improving and adapting
This. This. This!
Life is a constant thrill of ups and downs – inevitably so – yet if we think we’ll survive by staying in the same place or in a constant closed mindset we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment.
It’s like standing on a tiny, deserted island and waving off the passing ship that has drifted by (this being your one chance to flee til who knows when next). You know high tide is coming, though eventually does recede in time, yet if you get stuck in it’s current you’re at greater risk of drowning.
Life is about adjusting ourselves even when it seems everyone else should first, or when you think you don’t need to.
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