My Journey To Natural Beauty [One Day Without Makeup At A Time]

What IS natural beauty?

If you asked me years ago – like in middle school and into high school, or as I officially became an adult at 18 – I’d probably tell you it was all about looking good.

Meaning, in the eyes of others.

Bleh. [Shaking my head] I’m ashamed to even admit that.

I can’t exactly pinpoint the time in my life where that all changed for me, but now I certainly don’t believe beauty to be much of a physicality.

It’s so much more than that.

I will say that I involuntarily encountered a point where Life was trying to tell me to wake up and smell the coffee. It was nearing the time of my wedding day when it started. It appeared as a light red rash on my nose and cheeks – like a minor sun burn – and that is what I had shrugged it off to be.

It wasn’t until 6 months later I began battling this now distinctive redness and blotchy brown patches now marking major points of my face. I quickly became distraught and resentful because I couldn’t imagine what I had done to cause this and there seemed to be no stopping it from worsening. 

To me, in my eyes, it became so much worse that no amount of makeup covered up what I saw in the mirror.

Long story short, 3 years, a couple doctors visits, multiple trial and errors and ongoing assessment – I ruled it all out to be Rosacea and hyperpigmentation caused by my changes in birth control at the time it began. I have since been off birth control and noticed a drastic improvement overall.

My outlook upon myself had taken a complete turn (clearly not for the better, but in a different light). I spent much of that time resenting myself, especially for the way I took care of my skin prior (or lack there of, rather) and built up so much frustration of having taken advantage of what beautiful, flawless skin I once had.

I researched every regimen, tried steroids and creams per several dermatologists and even began to sway the more natural approach. From eating right, spending far less time in the sun, and even creating a homemade natural makeup foundation. All of which gave me sheer moments of hope, but hardly the improvement I really sought after. There are still times I’d give anything to deal with that dreaded volcano pimple every menstrual cycle just to have my even complexion back, which is now masked by what looks to be a permanent sun burn (sometimes a browning, spotting banana peel).

I’m not here to tell you that the changes in the skin on my face caused me to feel less beautiful, because ultimately at one point it did. It destroyed my confidence. I became ashamed of allowing my husband to see me without makeup on – wondering what thoughts were pouring into his mind after only 6 months of marriage. Like, “what happened to the naturally beautiful woman I married?“

Instead I’m telling you about my transformation.

Did you know every 7 years of our lives our body changes? We change. In that time every cell in our body has regenerated (no joke, look it up). It’s an amazing thing and one aspect of life that is completely out of our control. So do I believe this was meant to happen at what was accurately another 7 year period of change for me? Maybe. But learning to live with the changes in my skin isn’t my transformation, either – it’s embracing these changes as part of acknowledging my natural beauty.

It has entirely changed the way I see beauty in itself, and in me. It isn’t the makeup, or having flawless perfect skin without it. The truth is no one does. Besides, natural beauty isn’t just a pretty face – if at all, in fact – which has helped me along this journey in completely embracing the person I am in this skin. 

 

my journey to embracing

natural beauty

[One Day Without Makeup At A Time]

 

It’s true, I’m wearing less and less makeup

It’s funny because prior to having Rosacea and hyperpigmentation, I couldn’t leave the house without concealer, foundation, setting powder or mascara. You read me right. I was also that girl who would wake intentionally before my boyfriend [at the time] and immediately put makeup on. I just didn’t feel complete without it. If I ran out the door without mascara, it would send me into sheer panic.

This being 5+ years ago now – again, my skin then was absolutely flawless compared to now (even though at 19 I would have told you it was horrendous). I wasn’t concerned with taking care of my skin then as I am now, especially since birth control had taken care of my teenage acne and any ailment it endured, frankly. I didn’t wash my face daily, or moisturize.

Exfoliating? What was that?

Tanning oil on my face? Why not?

I was one of the lucky ones – I didn’t have acne scarring or cystic acne. Now is an entirely different story. You would think now with semi-permanent imperfections that I would be lathering on the products left and right, when in fact I do the complete opposite. Sure, this wasn’t a change of mindset overnight but I’ll be honest when I say even the most expensive makeup didn’t make a difference.

In fact, wearing makeup always seemed to make it worse, which ultimately made me feel worse.

Today, I only wear makeup on occasion and not on a daily basis. I no longer feel lost or incomplete without it. That being the biggest change of all – ridding my dependence on needing it wherever I went and whoever I was with.

I’m not sugarcoating who I am anymore

Like I mentioned above, I don’t believe natural beauty is all about a pretty face. With that, I learned to embrace my other God-given qualities I tended to hide, such as my naturally deeper voice, eccentric and humorous attitude and tom-boyish preferences.

From a very young age I was naturally always considered a guy’s girl. Being home schooled til middle school, I grew up playing with the neighborhood boys – riding bikes, making mud pies, fishing and playing capture the flag. I had skipped the era of Elementary school, which may have been a crucial time I skipped socially as a young lady.

I had an easier time making guy friends in grade school, and oddly enough I related better to them (through similar interests and hobbies). As crazy as this sounds, I was intimidated by other girls – TBH, I think it was also vice versa.  It always felt like I had a standard to uphold in their eyes, knowing I was so different.

Often times I was simply misunderstood.

There were qualities I grew to believe were not the “norm“, or desired norm. I was given the false impression that I would only be liked, desired or seen if I fit this “universal” description as a girl. My hair needed to be long, luscious and straight, I needed a girly, higher pitched voice, a certain physique to attract attention, and to play the social part flawlessly.

Dresses, heels, hips, fake lashes and all.

Granted, there’s nothing wrong with all of that. These were just things that never resonated with me. I dreaded feeling like I had to paint my nails a different color every week or keep up with the latest fashion trends. I mean, the Dooney and Bourke handbag ordeal was just absolutely ridiculous to me. I was the shorts, t-shirt and messy hair in a bun kind of girl, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy dressing up from time to time.

Believe me, I went through the phase where my pants were too tight, dresses way too short and shirts suuuper low cut.

It was the expectation that made me feel I was covering up what truly made me me. Then, I desperately wanted to fit in – to be liked, noticed and seen. Now, I want to be liked, desired and seen as I am – not how others want me to be.

So let’s face the music here. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll notice that most of the time you will find me in yoga pants, a T-shirt, maybe a fishing hat or my hair an unpredictable mess. I like it that way, and there’s no reason to try and mask that over.

Why? Life isn’t always glamorous, nor does it have to be to be considered beautiful.

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There’s a lot of gentleness + persistence involved

Over the past 10+ years, ew-boy, my body has made some wondrous changes. Not all for the better, either. Again, not all changes are physical. Many occurred through my mindset and overall mentality.

Could the true understanding of natural beauty be embracing maturity and adulthood? Sure, but even because of that our bodies and minds still change and grow.

It was in my mid twenties when I really took a step back at the big picture of my life. For all the times I had been hurt and deceived, challenged and having failed or done things I knew I would face repercussions for later in life. I had to let a lot of friends go, I needed to end a long-term relationship I knew was toxic, I prioritized my degree and my job instead of going out every weekend, and continually (sometimes forcefully) pushed myself to move forward instead of always looking back.

It wasn’t easy, to say the least. I reverted back to the dark times of my life more times than I can count.

Nearing 30, anxiety has fallen over me – hard. I always had social anxiety (though I seemed to tuck it away deep in the attic), but now it has flooded over a generous portion of my life and way of thinking. Moreover, it has taught me to be more gentle with myself – my mental health. Now if there’s anything else I’ve learned is that our mental health has a huge impact on the image and the person we see in the mirror.

I’m taking no prisoners

Believe me when I say I get it. I get the hype of loving makeup and fancy beauty products – I do.

I’m a sucker for hair products. 

So I really can’t sit here and judge someone for their love of makeup, wearing it and feeling beautiful in it. That’s great – isn’t that the point? I am just beside myself in acknowledging that there are predetermined things society says makes us more beautiful than we are as is.

Ladies, we have it bad enough.

We are already conditioned to certain beauty standards. That we are to have smooth, luscious skin [cough – cough], meaning hairless, as well as a certain attitude and fashion sense. The words sexy or feminine always comes to mind.

Here’s the thing: I shouldn’t have to feel guilty (or judged) for going a week – Hell, even two – without shaving or coloring in my gray roots. Because [ugh] in the eyes of others that’s considered unethical – not feminine, not ideal, not attractive, and not desirable.

It’s half the reason we may feel embarrassed (or refuse to leave the house) if stubble is even noticeable from afar. Otherwise, you’re likely embracing those fuzzy limbs in the comfort of your own home. It’s in that moment you can feel absolutely vulnerable, like you’re unveiling yourself.

The thing is…. I just don’t like the expectation of doing it. So now what?

Honestly, I’m nearing my 30s and I’ve learned only one thing: it’s easier to please yourself than to try and win the approval of billions.

Uh…because that’ll never happen.

So everything I do I need to do for me – not anyone else. So if you want to wear makeup, do it for you. If you want to dye your hair that crazy color, do it for you. If you want to bare it all or be hair-free, do it for you. Do what simply makes you Love being you.

Beauty doesn’t exist by appeasing desirable standards. It exists because you create your own.

Beauty isn’t universal, it’s individual

Again, beauty exists as we are without any other preconditions or standards. Beauty isn’t a fad, nor is it something we have to buy or aim to achieve.

We already have it.

It is everything that separates you from me, and everyone else. 

Just as I’ve mentioned, natural beauty isn’t even about what’s on the surface. The surface is constantly changing – as we age, grow, and evolve. No matter what we do to hide or preserve who we see in the mirror, what remains unchanged is you as a person – your existence, your purpose and meaning.

Beauty in itself is entirely individual.

It’s about Loving yourself for who you are from the inside and out – who you were yesterday, who you are today and who you will be tomorrow.

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