Signs he is The One [How you really know for sure]

How do you know if he is the one? Likely, there can be thousands of reasons, and thousands of reasons he’s not – many of which are defined personally. So really, everyone’s version of the one is different. And while that is very true, I also think there are universal qualities we all commonly strive to find in our version of the one.

Just like anyone else, I had expectations that I desired (qualities in someone that were likely going to be short-lived, or ever-changing). Looks – for example – are an ever-changing quality. Hence why you should never base your Love for someone solely on their appearance.

But we do anyway – many times hoping the wonderful exterior layer compensates for the inner qualities they lack. These can be qualities he didn’t have from the beginning and end up leading to unhappiness and discontentment.

For me, finding a lifelong partner was about finding qualities in a partner long-term – the qualities that truly matter in knowing if he is the one.

Signs he is The One [how you know for sure]

He has your best interest in mind and at heart

What does it look like to truly have someone’s best interest? Is someone’s best interest *our* best interest? These are things we should be willing to ask.

One thing’s for sure, is that your best interest comes before his own, or he has your best interest regardless of his own. This, ultimately, guides his decision-making knowing every choice he makes involves and impacts more than just himself.

He sees, Loves and accepts you (on good and bad days)

For the days you refuse to put on makeup, it being that time of the month and you’re on your third day of wearing the same baggy sweats – sporting the no bra and messy bedhead look.

No matter – he still Loves you. No matter – he still shows you and tells you that you’re the most beautiful thing in his life. No matter – he encourages you to be you (not perfect). No matter – he knows looks are ever-changing, while your heart and soul is the reason he fell in Love with you in the first place.

You both share the same morals, ethics and values

Because… first off: why would you want to even be with someone who doesn’t? There’s a reason you have your own morals, ethics and values – they are what shape you as a human being, and a partner.

He’s passionate in his beliefs on Love, relationships and even marriage – following those beliefs with action. He believes every relationship takes ongoing work and effort – that the centerfold of your love isn’t always going to be.

He knows Love is never easy – it doesn’t just happen or fall in the lap – it exists because it was created and doesn’t come with a manual or handout. He understands, if not welcomes the bumps, rough edges, hills and valleys, highs and lows, and times you both may hit rock bottom.

He knows imperfection is to be expected, and that commitment is built upon the mutual foundation of choice, and that that’s what keeps the relationship whole.

[Related Read: Marrying Someone With Similar Core Values Was The Best Decision I Ever Made]

He respects you – on all avenues

And while there are too many avenues to name – think of it like this: he would never dare to attempt, imply, speak or act in such a way that makes you feel inferior, uncomfortable, invalid, dispensable, unimportant, ungrateful, unworthy or powerless.

If he’s the one, he respects your beliefs and opinions – whether in agreeance or not. He honors your space and times of declination – meaning, “No means no“. He welcomes and validates your emotions in the attempt to understand, not to shame.

When he’s in the wrong, he strives for forgiveness – without pointing blame or making excuses. His honesty and loyalty is number one – he knows you are deserving of the truth and his worthiness of you points to his devotion.

When there is conflict, he aims for resolution (i.e., compromise, agree to disagree, acceptance, etc.) – without resentment or holding anything above your head. And in times of grief, distress or hardship (or when the going gets tough between you), he embraces the hard alongside you instead of jumping ship “where the grass is greener“.

[Related Read: If he truly respects you, he will want you to know..]

Ultimately, that you CAN live without him (& vice versa)

I know, I know, but here’s why:

Having met my husband, and finding out he was a police officer – the very first, initial thought that ran through my mind was valid, as well as something entirely new I’d have to commit to. It was a thought, and a commitment, I shoved to the back of my mind for so long – I refused to face it for a long time.

Because why should anyone have to?

It was the thought of knowing that there was the increased risk or possibility of him being taken from me by way of willfully putting himself into harm’s way day after day for his job.

But every healthy relationship is two people who are completely secure within themselves. So, yes, I guess you could say I have had to come to terms with the fact that I need to be able to live without him. And to be OK with that. I’m not just talking about financially and romantically, but mentally, emotionally, and intellectually.

Granted, it’s not that I dream of ever wanting to, but there’s a difference between can’t and not wanting. In finding the one, he should not overtake your life, will and purpose.