Why the bad boy type is seemingly more attractive – 4 Reasons women go for douche bags over nice guys – Do bad boys get more attention from women?

Many women still tend to fall for the bad boy type, even in the midst of the whole choosing the bear. Do bad boys still seem to get more attention from women over the “nice guys”?

After all….they’re the type we know is trouble or bad news bears. Women would even argue that they attract this type, let alone gravitate to them. So if the likely repercussions surrounding this type are evident, why are they still seemingly more attractive?

Ladies, this post is obviously for you.

As a woman now married to a wonderful man, I also look back on my previous dating and relationship history and ask myself the very same question. I also ask myself, “I KNEW, so what was I THINKING?!”

I’ve spent a lotttttttt of time unpacking this topic, and everything surrounding it. I, too, was once in the position – as the more shy, quiet and cautious type, I also had a thing for the bad boys, as much as I’d like to deny it.

And then somewhere along in my early 20s I opened my eyes one day. Maybe we just need to call it a phase and wrap it up. But, of course, that’s not how it works. Now I recognize this type for what it actually is, and it’s almost impossible to unsee the real reasons women continue to swoon over the bad boys and leave the *nice guys* in the dust.

Why the bad boy type is seemingly more attractive

As always, the thoughts, insights, beliefs and opinions expressed throughout this post are my own. If you have any personal or specific questions, feel free to reach out to me!

They exude a falsified sense of confidence we see as “sexy”

And I’m here to tell you…that’s not always confidence. It’s arrogance, and even deep-rooted insecurities masked by the undertones of a superiority complex. Believe it or not, that falsified sense of confidence can even be a blatant lack of self-esteem and respect, too.

So what specific qualities or behaviors are we talking about in terms of this confidence? For starters, they portray this “I don’t need you, but I deserve you [I’m entitled to you]” vibe. The bad boy types don’t need to give or offer much of anything [of themselves] in order to receive attention and affection. They pretty much need to ooze of testosterone.

FYI, not all bad boy types are the stereotypical a**holes, leaning on their armor of douchebaggery to get them what they want, or because that’s how they learned to behave when they don’t. I just want to make that one clearer.

Bad boys are seen as the “outlawed” risk factor, and we like to turn it into a false positive. Whether it’s traits like rebelliousness, non-conformity, impulsivity, perplexity, indifference and stubbornness, I find it’s “dark traits” like these that seem so intriguing and tempting because we know that kind of person would essentially force us out of our comfort zone.

You might say the bad boy type can feel freeing or liberating, in a way. Yet, we also recognize that these traits do not embody a healthy, long-term partner if we’re seeking honesty, respect, empathy and compassion when the bad boy type is known for being aloof, unapologetically rude, flaky, more aggressive, controlling, insensitive and manipulative. Just saying.

The thing is, I see the risk factor of these “dark, mysterious traits” being more about their inability to commit, let alone stay grounded. And while there’s somehow an undeniable level of infatuation to this, I find that the risk walks a fine line of toxic masculinity. In fact, I’m sure of it, and I am not one to throw that term around lightly.

Yet we still find the bad boy risk so enthralling, as if we want to tame or be tamed. Bad boys are, in and of itself, a project – or maybe more like a super-satisfying Eye-Spy puzzle. Maybe we really do enjoy being kept “busy”, productive, and distracted, or is that it’s simply what’s been expected of us? Hm, interesting.

Although, as women, we also thrive on external validation, and what better challenge than to show the bad boy types “what they’re missing” or “what they do need”. Yep, there it is – “pick me, choose me” as well as “I can fix you, save you”.

In reality, the bad boy confidence is actually covert emotional unavailability. This means a lack of transparency and vulnerability across the board; in turn, we often brush off the lack of respect, consideration, and regard as well.

And whyyyyy is this “sexy”? Well, to not need, depend or rely on anyone (to be emotionally guarded and independent on all fronts) has been the talk of societal norm today, especially for women. So when we look at the bad boy type, this is often viewed as rugged, “manly”, masculine, empowering, and stable. All the qualities we typically associate with masculinity, even if it’s unhealthy.

We often call this as having a “tough exterior” or hard shell. Personally, and many women can probably relate, I saw this as a challenge to “break open” and reveal a [presumed/expected] “soft, mushy” inside. And if we succeed, that somehow makes us “special”, worthy, and valuable.

What we’re really doing is combating and romanticizing a false sense of confidence in hopes we will ultimately be “the one” to humble and transform them. There’s the beauty and the beast storyline in full play.

We don’t like to be played, but part of us unconsciously does

Because many women keep going back time and time again. Why are we touching the hot stove over and over when we know it’s still hot?

If you feel like the bad boys somehow feed this deep, dark corner of your soul, then you would probably refuse to admit you struggle with complacency or boredom in healthy relationships (preferably with a “nice” guy).

Again, women don’t want an A**hole or douchebag, but women are also put off by the wolf in sheep’s clothing of the supposed “nice guy”. They’re still often A-holes, just with a prettier title and more convincing facade.

But it goes like this: when you’ve experienced and become accustomed to more traumatic or unhealthy relationships, you are actually more likely to seek out those similar relationships.

Of course, no one actually enjoys being in complicated or chaotic relationships, either. And nobody really likes being played – lied to, cheated on, abandoned, rejected, and so on. So when I say part of us unconsciously do, I am referring to our conditioned and familial beliefs, thinking and experiences. Adhering to these are what feels *safe*, comfortable and normal.

Bad boys “Love Bomb”, too, it’s just different

As mentioned above, bad boys play a major role in the game of cat and mouse, hot and cold, and catch and release. Bad boys know how to Love Bomb, too, it’s just different.

It’s nuclear. It’s strategic, manipulative, discrete, more aggressive or passive-aggressive, and stealthily destructive. You might even say the Love Bombing affection and attention bad boys tend to play mimics preying, controlling, and imprisoning in the name of pursuit and protection, all the while we are calling it chivalry.

For instance, there’s just something primal, and sensual, about a go-getting, protective man of his woman in disguise of entitlement, jealousy and possessiveness. Now add in the physical – Love Bombing is also insanely fueled by chemistry (and sex).

The main difference is there’s a significant push and pull methodology. One minute they’re all over you then want nothing to do with you the next. Nonetheless, when they Love Bomb, they make it count and not necessarily in the ways we think.

Chemistry and sexual connection supersede all else

I know many will hate to hear it because, while chemistry is important, it can also poison or compensate for a true connection.

Now listen, I’m not about to deny that sex is at the forefront one way or another for the majority of men. But when it comes to the bad boy type, sex is like a coping mechanism.

It’s also their secret weapon. Think about it. When emotional maturity, respect and self-control is scarce and difficult, sex is their weakness. It’s a lot easier because sex requires very little of them, which means there’s no need for connection or vulnerability let alone any meaning or value. Oftentimes, a sexual connection is the one form they’re willfully offering, and it’s normally the “take it or leave it” approach.

This level of sensuality becomes so enticing when we have romanticized a sexual connection and equate chemistry with compatibility. Chemistry, or attraction and sexual connection, doesn’t mean you’re emotionally compatible. Alas, our flesh (our sexual desires, attractions, temptations) can be the easiest to please and the hardest to subdue when chemistry (sexual connection) becomes sovereign. AKA, it controls and determines everything else. Hence why the dirtbag suddenly becomes less dirtbag-y – I’m just saying.