Let’s talk self love! No, not selfishness – there’s a difference. And we need to break the barrier between what is self love without being selfish. I’m talking about the ways to better love yourself.

Granted, I could count the number of times I have been called selfish for simply having self love. But honestly, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are either those out there who have no clue what being selfish truly means, and/or in turn have absolutely zero love for themselves.

• The woman who walks away from an ongoing, unhappy relationship (instead of “trying to work it out”) – she is called selfish.
• The young teenager who would rather stay home and read a book on a Friday night instead of going to a party – her friends call her selfish.
• The girl who says “No” to lending a friend money (for whatever reason, or without reason) – she is accused of being selfish.

Self love is not selfishness, and this is something to make light of. We should be encouraging rather than tearing down something that should come so naturally and be embraced throughout our lives.

5 Ways To Better Love Yourself

[Because you can’t pour from an empty cup]

Set boundaries

Especially in your interpersonal relationships – your family, friends and love life. Because try to imagine if you didn’t – ever? Without set boundaries in your own life, you are bound to feel inadequate, dispensable, extremely vulnerable and easily manipulated by those around you simply because you are failing to listen to your own “yes” and “no“. This is especially if you are considered to be a “people-pleaser“. Not respecting your own boundaries (likely in fear by the reaction of others) can lead to resentment in your interpersonal relationships, and weaker relationships in the long run. Learn that saying “No” is perfectly okay, that certain behaviors (in your eyes) are unacceptable or intolerable and that what you feel, think, believe, say and do matters, too.

Speak up for yourself

I think many times we fail to realize how influential our words can be, as well as underestimate the power of silence. As human beings, our relationships are important to us – meaning, we are likely to compromise our own feelings and emotions for the sake of how others may feel. Sometimes just in order to have those in our lives.

1. That’s not healthy as far as relationships goes.
2. That’s no healthy way to live your life.

Stand up for yourself by standing up to the bully. Whether that be speaking up in words or using the power of silence.

Stop justifying/invalidating your emotions

If the words or actions of someone hurt or angered you – that does not make you wrong. And I have only now had to accept this statement in my adult life since it was never exactly easy to express how I felt growing up. If I felt a certain way – whether because of something or someone – I was always told it was my responsibility to fix (that because I felt that way, it was my fault). That is when I would begin living my life justifying how I felt (that if I didn’t have good reason to feel the way I did – I blamed myself), and soon thereafter invalidating my emotions altogether. Meaning, I’m quick to jump to the conclusion that my feelings and emotions don’t matter.

That mindset does nothing but destroy your personal worth and value. When you are sad, you are for a reason. When you are angry, you are for a reason. And no one should ever tell you how you should feel or wrong, shame and blame you for the way you feel. Granted, yes, we ourselves are the ones in total control of our own happiness and our emotions – that doesn’t mean you should have to justify it.

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Do what you feel is best for you

Not for anyone else. Do not compromise your own well-being, individuality and self worth for the acceptance or approval of others. To put it simply – go with your gut or instincts, and do what your heart tells you because your mind can easily be persuaded and manipulated by others.

This is a major part I have been struggling with in my adult life – separating myself from living my life by how others say or do, to finding my own purpose and living and learning from my own right and wrong. It’s been an endless battle between trying to find and gain my own independence and doing so without feeling like I have failed those in my life.

Your decisions and life choices are what make you unique – whether they be right or wrong; that is not for anyone but you to judge.

[Related Read: Reasons Why Having Self Worth Is Crucial In Life [+ Ways To Attain It]]

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Make yourself a higher priority

I know I have plenty of friends who would attest to this when I say that we know exactly what it means to make ourselves a higher priority. And these are friends I am so grateful to have because somehow we just understand each other. It could be the adult-life thing, or that we’re more introverted. Either way, this part of our friendships still stands the test of time!

I’m guilty of cancelling plans last minute (and truly relieved in doing so), or refusing to make plans for weeks (or months – eek). Not because I’m a terrible friend who doesn’t enjoy being around my friends (just kidding, guys), but simply because I can find every excuse to give that moment of free time to myself, instead.

Like I said, I’m more introverted-extroverted and this is just one measly example of how I commit to making myself a higher priority. While I love spending time with my friends – I do, and they should know it – but when I do, it’s also mentally and emotionally exhausting for me. So, I do really love time to myself. And I’m truly not ashamed of it – though I have been shamed for it plenty of times in my life. Shamed for making myself a higher priority – does that honestly make a person selfish?

This is the one body, one mind, one heart and one life we are given – therefore it shouldn’t be the one simmering on the back burner. So take the time for your self and your needs – even if that means putting your needs above others at times. Because like stated in the title, “You can’t fill from an empty cup!”