Traveling as a couple will test your relationship, and you’ll learn 7 things about one another that can also reveal whether or not you’re truly compatible. Even if you’re just dating, you might think of traveling together as fast-forwarding your relationship in time.
Do this too soon, and you may run the risk of prematurely sabotaging a relationship’s potential; do this too late andddd you just might uncover some important details that may strain the relationship down the road. Nonetheless, I do believe it is a very necessary – even beneficial – way to unveil relationship compatibility.
Bottom-line is, traveling together creates an environment where you’ll learn a lot about each other in ways you wouldn’t in the mundane of life.
7 Ways Traveling As A Couple will test your relationship
it forces you both out of your comfort zones, or norm
That’s right, you’re no longer in the comfort of your own homes, hometown and even day-to-day. You’re navigating this new, strange space in a hotel room or AirBNB that is now both of yours to share. The bed, the sheets, the bathroom – toilet, sink and all. That alone has its own spectrum from exhilarating excitement to stomach-churning anxiety – or both.
I’ll never forget one of the very first trips I took with my now husband – to Key West – where I had to stomach the idea of using a bathroom without a solid enclosed barrier – it was essentially a flimsy fitting room door with one-way fixed blinds (so only I could see out but he couldn’t see in). No doubt you could hear a pin drop from in this teeny, tiny 11×11 foot room. It truly was a way of seeing how we would respect one another in an unfamiliar norm or outside our comfort zones.
This may not be everyone’s insecurity, but it was mine, and the experience definitely draws out your raw and vulnerable side.
you get a taste of being in each other’s presence literally 24/7
Maybe you live together already, or you already know what it’s like to stay at one another’s place from time to time. Still – you literally don’t get a break from one another when you’re driving across the county by car or enduring a red-eye flight with three long layovers. I mean, togetherness (in sharing experiences) is sort of the purpose of vacationing together in the first place – is it not?
If you can’t seem to make it but a few hours together without irritability – oftentimes leading to inevitable arguments or the silent treatment – you’re in for a major wake-up call. Needing time apart and space in relationships is very natural and healthy. Giving, respecting and honoring that space is, in fact, an act of love that will need to be communicated.
Maybe you’re someone who prefers alone time in the bathroom, even if that means to brush your teeth or you like going on a solo run in the morning. These are things you will need to clarify and request they be respected.
with that, this can bring out the worst in each other
No kidding, especially when considering the above. Of course you’re only envisioning laying on the beach with a margarita in hand, you’re holding hands or playing footsie in your cabana and you’re both seductively soaking up all the paradise feels one crashing wave at a time. Time may even stop, but the reality is your partner is far more than what you have mentally written now that you’re now in vacay-mode.
I’m just saying, when you put yourselves in a position of vulnerability, you won’t necessarily have it all together all the time. Yes, the flaws, the lack of manners and inconveniences will come out even in the perfect setting – I promise you. You will see how cranky they are in the morning without their cup of coffee, how painfully long they spend in the shared bathroom, or their lateness and procrastination when it comes to set plans or dinner reservations. You will notice how reactive they are over minor disruptions or how easily they will pick fights with you when things don’t go their way.
These are all inevitable things to come to fruition; we must prepare for the worst brought out of ourselves but also getting a glimpse of the worst in them. I’m even talking about nights you have one too many drinks or end up having the off-chance of food poisoning. Sure, those aren’t really considered the “worst” in us, since bodily functions are universal, but it sure as hell is one of those vulnerable relationship milestones you may not exactly desire.
you learn who is the control freak or smooth sailor
Traveling as a couple will test your relationship because you will quickly learn who takes more initiative than the other. Let’s talk extremes here. You will figure out who likes to dictate what you do, where you go and when, makes every executive (final) decision, sets the rules of the road (literally), and isn’t down for switching up plans or last-minute cancellations.
Or you will find out who prefers going with the flow, always wants to keep their options available, avoids setting plans altogether, changes their mind at the drop of a dime, or makes last-minute decisions based on current circumstances.
How much combativeness or indecisiveness will be experienced? Either way, hopefully you compliment one another in ways that don’t lean on one extreme or the other.
when things go wrong, you see the way they react and respond
When the waiter at the restaurant messes up your order, you miss the tour bus (because one of you accidentally wrote down the wrong time), someone’s luggage goes missing, you take the wrong turn (putting you twice as far and long from your destination) or the hotel room is just not up to par to you or your partner’s liking (for instance, there’s literally stains on the sheets).
You will get a pretty good sense of each other’s level of patience, composure, self-control, and humility. Who is likely to overreact and break down completely, and who is quick to innovate and make light of a situation gone wrong?
You’re on vacation, of course you want things to go as planned and to measure up to some standard, but just because the idea of travel should be “stress and worry-free” doesn’t always mean that’s the case. That’s on you if you weren’t aware that glamping still meant you had to use a family-style public bathroom.
Some things are even totally out of anyone’s control, like the weather. And you really get a glimpse of who allows a little thunder to ruin the entire trip.
the battle between compromising, negotiating and letting go
A relationship requires compromise and sacrifice because it’s better to bend than to break. In order for compromise to take place you also have to clearly express your wants and needs, so speak up.
When you’re traveling together, there are many decisions to be made based on personal preferences, interests, and desires – with the goal hopefully to make the experience equally enjoyable for one another. So when there is compromise there is the intent of fairness on both sides one way or another. When there is sacrifice, you’re coming to terms that you may not get it all, everything or whatever it is you want, especially when the cost or expense is of your partner. Emphasis on that last part.
Although it won’t always be painless gray, or equal, compromising and sacrificing means giving up something with respect for the quality of the relationship over your ego. That means not always having your way (or letting go of battles not worth picking) as well as doing things you may not necessarily feel like doing. For instance, when you’re looking forward to plopping your sandy butt on the beach day after day while your partner’s one goal is to go zip-lining. This is a concept commonly misunderstood and not implemented on both sides, making it extremely difficult for those to compromise in their relationships.
Granted, sometimes there just isn’t a happy, gray medium when you’re craving Thai while your partner wants Italian for dinner, or having to navigate someone who is an extremely picky eater. Compromise may be making sure both your desires are met and not battling between who gets what they want and who doesn’t. I mean, the point is about making each other happy, isn’t it? Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is to ask one another what that is and how you can make that happen – to the best of your ability – without expecting the favor returned.
accepting the distinction between vacay-life and everyday-life
For some they truly believe there should be no difference. Ahem, because everyday life means boredom – complacency in relationships.
I could tell you relationships are all rainbows, fluffy bunnies, and unicorn farts day in and day out (though my husband would be easily convinced mostly unicorn farts), but it’s really not like the exaggerated, over-edited nonsense you see in the movies or on those not–so-realistic reality shows like The Bachelor or Love Island. It’s missing all the real stuff, in real-time.
When you’re on vacation, it’s obviously supposed to feel…well, not like everyday-life. Call it a change of pace and scenery. A vacation is what it is – an escape or out of the ordinary experience.
The same goes for your relationship – it’s probably why it’s recommended for struggling couples to “get away” together – where the intent is to focus and highlight only on the good, fun parts. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, by any means – fun is good, focusing on the good is also good – it’s when you fail to accept and manage the distinction between life on vacation and everyday life.
Unfortunately, the reality for some is that relationships should depict those in reality shows, day in and day out. Everyday life may not be the same as vacation-mode, but you can certainly learn to balance work and personal life to make the everyday-life-mode together more enjoyable.
