First Year Of Marriage Advice [From A Newlywed Wife]

If you’re recently a newlywed, whether the feeling of being a wife is different or not, there are adjustments to endure. And if you weren’t living together before the big day, this may be more of an adjustment for you.

I didn’t get the cold feet, nor did I question what I was getting myself into. I had zero doubts about spending the rest of my life with my husband. I viewed marriage as an uphill road (yes, with its own bumps, dips, and plateaus), but a trek with a much bigger picture – marriage is about the journey.

But truthfully, being married hit me hard that few weeks in – in a way I never anticipated. It was the day we conjoined bank accounts. Sure, this was something we planned on doing – as part of our vision together – but I never imagined it would mean so much more than surface-deep.

You never realize how much trust and commitment is given, and how vulnerable you are allowing yourself to be with another.

And this either scares the living daylights out of people (for more reasons than one) or truly enlightens those of the absolute divinity of marriage.

So maybe you’ve experienced feelings in the newlywed life you weren’t sure are normal and natural or are having a tough time wondering why you feel this way. It’s time to breathe a little easier as a wife because the best part of your life is just beginning. And if any of you experienced or are experiencing what I have, I can relate to you.

First Year Of Marriage Advice [From A Newlywed Wife]

Be Patient With Your Immediate Responses/Emotions

You might find yourself being quick with emotions, or abrasive to things that might have not been a trigger before marriage. There might be something you notice that bothers you now than before, and your automatic thought is to worry “Why now? Why after we get married?“

Like when you find his beard hair all over the bathroom sink. Trust me, it bothered you before you got married – you just couldn’t bear the thought of whether it could be a straw to break the camel’s back. And now you’re worried it could.

Refrain from placing too much pressure on yourself or your partner. Give each other, and yourself some grace.

Don’t become conclusive to your emotions or response to everything for getting married. The newlywed wife life is always going to have it’s ups and downs, as you are trying to find your place in this life with a plus one. You are both making this adjustment – it just may come easier for one over the other. Try not to make assumptions prematurely.

It’s important to be a little patient with yourself and your emotions. Your husband might be having the same feelings as you even though his perspective may be quite different, remember that.

[Related Read: 9 lessons I learned in my first year of marriage]

It’s Okay To Have Fear

Before getting married, I was in such a la-la-land feeling, that anything and everything slightly negative or apprehensive going through my mind always had the same resulting answer, “We’ll figure it all out together,” because, you know, being married means life as One.

For me, I leaned on that relieving feeling that I didn’t have to bear the weight of my fears and worries alone.

Well, La-La Land came crashing down on me that first year.

I suddenly began to worry about every.little.thing that I had no care in the world about before. I am now so reluctant at being a good wife and what being a good wife entails. I went through a phase of questioning my identity, as a person – who I truly was and wanted to be.

I began questioning my life aspiration, contemplating my life purpose, and worried if my husband would judge me. I felt this sense of insecurity and worthlessness. That if I wasn’t financially independent or contributing equally I would be lesser as a human being. I was ultimately afraid of being weak, abandoned and dispensible.

Believe me, I had the vision of myself as a wife prior to marriage. And I was over the moon with what I saw. But I never imagined that vision doing a 180 in the thick of commitment right before my very eyes.

Not that I think fear is necessary, but I do think it’s inevitable. And I believe fear should be welcomed with gentle determination – it should make you lean deeper into your marriage and onto your partner, rather than push you away. And whether you already have years under your belt together, or one year, I don’t think it’s unnatural to have fear post vows, or even beforehand, as long as it isn’t about who you’re marrying or married to.

Continue To Make That Time For Yourself, Or Make More Of It

Whatever you do, don’t stop this. I find this a crucial part in married life. Just because you are now bound by ring and paper, doesn’t mean things change for the way you go about honoring yourself.

You continue taking that monthly girls trip, weekly pedicure, or time to finish those book you’ve been dying to read. Don’t make any excuse not to. It’s all in moderation, just as everything else in life.

It’s been the same now as it was before I was married – I thoroughly love my days off of when my husband still has to work. That may sound awful, but I enjoy my me time. And I know my husband needs his own version of self-care as well.

Don’t Bottle It Up Inside

There’s a reason you’re married. You should be able to tell your husband anything, as he should make it easy for you to go to him. He should listen and support you. Even if it means never coming to a resolution, or giving you an answer. He is there to hear you out, listen to you and is there to get you through.

Now, I wouldn’t go running to your girlfriends on the matter. Honestly, it’s a 50/50 chance that friend is either going to relate with you (if they’re married), or won’t exactly be of positive help to your emotions and concerns.

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Don’t Stop Dating Each Other

Now, this shouldn’t by any means ever stop throughout your relationship, and definitely your marriage. There’s no reason for it to. Dating is what has brought you to this place in your lives – being married – in the first place.

First of all, a woman should always be courted and taken out on dates. Just because you’re married doesn’t give any man the pass from having to ‘win’ your heart.

If this has hindered since being a newlywed, bring it up in conversation how its important you feel courted as before you were married.

Adjusting in the newlywed wife life can be a challenge, but it should also be a fun challenge. For some it may not bring any different emotions at all, but  I’m sure there are many who can relate to the adjustments I’ve experienced.

What have been some challenges you’ve faced as a newlywed wife?