Have you ever tried detoxing your body – ridding your insides of all the nasty, sludgy toxins and bacteria that negatively affect your health down the road? There are also signs you need to detox your relationship, too. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing – though it can be if left untreated.
Relationships are a constant two-way street – no matter what. Though we wish mutual understanding and effort were easy, it may not always turn out that way. Bettering the relationship starts with you – being the change you wish to see.
To detox may also mean making the executive decision to walk away from negative behavior within the relationship, or acknowledging the need for change and committing to that change. The problem is knowing when and how before problems escalate beyond repair.
![7 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship [+ Needs A Detox - Stat!] | If you're constantly arguing, dealing with trust issues or displaying signs of codependency in your relationship - you relationship is in desperate need of a detox. This doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is doomed as a failure, it simply means both partners must come together to work toward a common goal to promote healthy change in the relationship. Otherwise, a toxic relationship acts much like a silent but deadly poison that eventually turns lethal. #toxicrelationships | theMRSingLink](https://i0.wp.com/themrsinglink.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/7-Signs-Youre-In-A-Toxic-Relationship-It-Needs-A-Detox-Stat-pin-2.jpg?resize=512%2C768&ssl=1)
7 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship [+ Needs A Detox – Stat!]
you both bicker about everything and anything
Couples argue, have disagreements and even say, do or imply things they really don’t mean from time to time (think like poking the bear).
If you haven’t, ever, that might also pose for concern in the future.
While that is one extreme, arguing, disagreeing and bickering – all the time, any time and about everything and anything – is another.
At that point, the relationship in its entirety is starving for what is truly missing and is now conditioned to crying out for that need through unhealthy behavior. The piece that is more than likely lacking from both sides is connection.
Instead, couples are likely to focus on communication being the sole problem – don’t get me wrong, communication is vital, but you could also beating a dead horse. And so they talk more and react more instead of actually working to resolve the underlying problem.
[Related Read: When communication is hard – focus on CONNECTION]
By enabling this behavior, you are suffocating the relationship. At some point, one of you will turn blue.
“tit-for-tat” has become the norm
I mention this topic quite often on TML, because it was something I experienced heavily in my previous relationships (and family history).
It is one of many poisons to every relationship – sometimes gone undetected – and one that is difficult to reverse while making every other problem in the relationship seem impossible to fix.
For those who don’t know exactly what I’m talking about – here’s a good example I like to use in order to truly define what “tit-for-tat” means:
- Because you did this, I’m going to do that.
Think vengeance.
Whether it be through action, words, feelings and emotions or intentions – it’s a vengeful attitude and behavior to intentionally inflict negative emotions or pain against the other based on how they made you feel. And the toxic part is: when both sides aren’t willing to step down and forfeit, this attitude and behavior can go on, and on, and on, and on without end.
In order for it to end, someone has to be willing to submit. Someone has to be the bigger person in the relationship – to acknowledge the issue and is willing to commit to change.
codependency has taken over
If you aren’t even sure what codependency in relationships entails, it’s rather simple:
- Codependency signifies an unhealthy level of “clinginess” to one another, a lack of self-sufficiency (meaning, you solely depend on your loved one for fulfillment) and dependence on having relationships (for the fear and avoidance of abandonment), or enabling negative behavior from your SO and continuing to stay in the relationship despite these behaviors.
A prime example used frequently is “the devoted wife who covers, overlooks or enables her husband’s alcoholic and abusive behavior.“
Often times, codependency is passed down through upbringing and generations of codependent behaviors within households. These people usually victimize themselves, are more likely attracted to the same weakness in a partner and have a harder time “being themselves” without something (or someone) to counteract their low self esteem and lack of self worth.
[Related Read: Why Self Worth Is Crucial In Life [+30 Ways To Attain It] ]
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disappointment is now an expectation
Our goal as a partner, or spouse, is to rise above in helping reach our SO’s fullest potential. As much as you think a relationship is all about rising above your own – it’s not. If you’ve entered a place where you both not only have stopped believing in the relationship, but also each other, then you’re headed for a troubled road having that mindset.
No matter the factor (trust, communication, devotion, equal efforts, etc.), disappointment is inevitable in every relationship. And by choosing to stay in a commitment, it’s important to realize that having that expectation for your SO to fail will completely destroy the relationship.
[Related Read: He Always Leaves You Disappointed – 5 Reasons To Call It Quits]
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conflict isn’t resolved relatively quickly and smoothly – if at all
Even healthy couples have conflict. It’s all about how two people come together in resolving it. Many times the issue with learning to resolving conflict is that it is always seen as one sided, since everybody communicates differently.
This is where we tend to fall into the trap of who is right and wrong. Neither party is looking to back down, and in the end creating more tension and leaving the underlying situation untouched. If you find that it is difficult to resolve conflict within the relationship – or that resolution seems to be one-sided – then it’s time to reevaluate, commit to change and learn how each communicate through conflict.
[Related Read: 8 Step Process To Resolving Conflict With Your Spouse]
trust and honesty have been a major issue
At this point – there are only two ways to go. You are either in for the long haul, or you need to make the next offense that last straw (and commit to it). And if you are the one contributing to disloyalty, let this be your sign for much needed change if you ever want to have a lasting, meaningful relationship.
Who really wants to be known and sought out for being untrustworthy? Because whether you think it or not, deceit (or a history of it) is actually very easy to smell and seek out in someone through awareness.
It’s probably obvious to many that the poison to any relationship is deceit, unfaithfulness, and betrayal. When actually – the poison has already inflicted the relationship at that point. What contributes to that poison is both personal choice and failure in communication within the relationship. Someone who simply has no personal moral or respect for the relationship, and the other party in it, will likely act on this behavior effortlessly. And couples who do not listen and respond to one another’s needs, through communication, are likely to turn to outside the relationship for self gratification (still another personal choice) while expecting there to be change within the relationship.
Either way, the detox can be one of two things: committing to change in yourself, or committing to change in the relationship – whether that’s starting over (with a clean slate) or putting an end to the relationship.
[Related Read: 13 Vital Communication Skills That Will Save Your Relationship]
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