10 Petty Arguments You’ll Have In Every Relationship

It’s simple: you can’t allow inevitable imperfections to ruin your shot at a decent, meaningful relationship. Especially those petty and irrational arguments.

OK – easier said than done.

When I say petty, I’m talking about the things that shouldn’t really become a problem or create more problems in the first place. When all is said and done, did bickering over [said pettiness] REALLY matter or did it just complicate things even more between you?

You know what I’m talking about.

The nights you go to bed fit in rage over someone forgetting to turn the dishwasher on, or the time he misjudged your mood and made that silly, regrettable joke about your period.

Been there, done that. 

I’ve also learned over time, through these petty arguments in my relationships, that there are just some things not worth fighting over. TBH, a lot of the things that would normally annoy the hell out of me don’t even trigger me anymore. My peace has become FAR more important.

In fact, just thinking about the things I would have fought tooth and nail over at the age of 18 exhaust me.

So if your biggest argument is over the toilet seat being left up, you’ve got another thing coming, because by now that should be the least of your concerns.

I’m not saying to let everything slide under the rug and minimize your feelings, but I will say this: there will be times in life, and your relationships, where you will need to consciously choose your battles. You will argue – about the REAL things that have a major impact – but there’s a difference when you’re both triggered by anything and everyyyything. You might even resent one another, but the fact is that every relationship will experience ultimate highs and inevitable lows.

With the right mindset and the goal to ride out the highs and lows together, it is possible to focus on appreciating what makes you both different instead of seeing those differences as a burden, or irrationally pointing the finger at incompatibility.

Seriously, though, don’t let a toilet seat destroy your relationship – that’s what I’m saying. Among other things, because there are many petty arguments you’re bound to have in every relationship. It’s all about learning how to deal with them before they actually stem to bigger problems.

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where or what to eat

Ladies, unfortunately, we’re usually at fault here.

Do not let indecisiveness be the culprit to conflict in your relationship. My husband knows I am so guilty of this on a regular basis, but I can also understand why he gets frustrated by it, too. It would be just as annoying – the one rare time I actually know exxxxactly what I want – to have my husband say, “Meh, I’m not feeling that tonight…“

[Cue the horror music]

In a perfect world, I have come up with the ultimate solution to this common problem. Get the fries from this place, those crispy salad topper things (yep, just those, not the whole salad) from that other place, the burger from the joint across town but with the bun from another place on the other side of town, and those fruit infused drinks at the random hole in the wall you need a reservation to get into (which is only open 3 days a week).

Am-I-right, or am-I-right? While we know that is simply unrealistic. What’s also unrealistic is expecting your partner to just know what you want and to get it right on a dime. So when he takes the time to plan date night – restaurant and all – you jump for joy over the place he picked, no exceptions.

But if you’re constantly feeling stuck in the “what should we eat tonight – I don’t know what do you want – I don’t know whatever you want (not really)” matter, you have one of two options:

1. Let down your pride and allow him to take the lead (meaning, he pick a place, and ACCEPT whatever he chooses).
2. Or do what my husband and I tend to do – flip that handy dandy coin of places within your roster. It may not always be the win-win you were hoping for, but it can alleviate the tension repetitive situations like this can create.

After all, it is just food..

around the home

I’ve caused myself enough headaches from all the eye rolling I do because my husband leaves random articles of clothing (or my favorite – drinking cups) scattered throughout the house. Believe me, I could easily pick a fight. But who am I to? I certainly do enough things that drive him crazy from time to time.

From hair all over the bathroom floor to laundry sitting in the dryer for days on end.

After 5 years of living together, I’ve had to redefine the meaning of clean many times. More like what matters and what really, really shouldn’t. I mean, I came from a home where making my bed every morning was a requirement – comforter, shams, throw pillows, and all. Granted, I understand the hype and why. But now, I’m lucky if the sheets alone get untangled and straightened over the bed. And I’m not even mad about it.

The truth is, my husband is considerably cleaner than the average man. That was something I noticed while we were dating (impressed, to say the least), that is until I moved in. I began to nit-pick every. little. thing. wrong. And I let it really get under my skin – to the point I convinced myself he was blatantly trying to disrespect me. Yet it wasn’t that he suddenly became a slob the second he knew someone else could clean up after him, it was the realization that our cleaning styles majorly differed from the get-go.

For example, how well or often the floors get swept, the bed being made (not just the sheets thrown over), the toilet cleaned, or simply remembering to change the laundry over to the dryer.

We forget that when initiation is made and effort is shown, appreciation is the cornerstone to one another actually wanting to continue pleasing our partner. Instead, we focus on the quality of effort being made and that quality matching our own efforts.

I know all too well how it feels in that moment when my husband makes the effort to sweep and mop, only to see that he missed in places that I would never dream to skip. After one failing incident of telling him I would need to do another sweep once the floors were dry, a bomb set off, when I needed to simply keep my mouth shut, let it go, and say thank you.

It’s not just about cleanliness but also differences in personal preference. Like the direction in which the toilet paper goes, the quality in folding laundry (you know, the bi-fold versus tri-fold predicament) or loading the dishwasher. You can throw all the logic you think you have against him – why try to change someone of their ways when it does absolutely no harm to you whatsoever?

Yeah, it’s annoying, and why can’t it be an easy adjustment for our partner to make? You probably do have many reasonable points as to why certain things should get done a certain way. But think of it when the same is asked of you. It probably stings, and our efforts will likely be left feeling inadequate and unappreciated entirely.

As for my husband, he takes on so. many. things. that…

1. he’s just better at than me,

2. truthfully, I just don’t really want to do

and 3. are rarely considered “housekeeping” when they actually are regardless of how strenuous or often they get done.

Ray takes on cleaning our two fish tanks (they’re a PIMA, messy and a chore I want to avoid doing even if it only gets done once a month or so), he takes out the trash nearly every time without my asking (ugh, and I love him for it), he takes care of the yard and our pool (the shocking, brushing, watering, weeding and everything in between such as getting rid of pesky ants) and, well, he makes sure our power stays on and water runs (from managing our finances to paying the bills).

Sorry to brag, but all that he does do is far more important than what he doesn’t, like when he leaves the toilet paper roll on top of the actual dispenser. So reality is, you’re living with this person (maybe even for the rest of your existence), and it would be illogical to expect your partner to be a replica of you and the way you live out your life. Practice acceptance of individuality, and focus on their strengths instead of weaknesses pertaining to maintaining the household.

driving style

Hello, back seat driver, lane swerver, blinker freak, navigator, tire screecher, double peddler, break tapper, lead foot or grandma on a Sunday morning drive. 

Most times I am grateful that my husband drives like a grandpa, but I would be lying if I said little quirks didn’t bother me. After all, he is a safe driver, which is all that should matter, but we’re human and we are who we are – at times not the best versions of ourselves.

Whether it be parking style, slow reaction time, taking turns too sharp or too wide or coming to a stop too fast, for some reason we are so quick to judge our partner’s driving style.

I would put money on that yours isn’t perfect, either. Beep beep!

So unless you absolutely feel his driving is a danger to your life, this is just another reason to pick your battles. Nobody (and I mean NOBODY) will drive exactly to your liking.

that one time 4 years ago on April 3^rd

Because if it happened, we know where, when, what, why and how. And we’ll never forget it. Much like we want to make sure our partner never does, either.

You might enjoy reminding your partner – especially in the heat of an argument – of all the things they’ve done wrong, like, “See but you can’t be trusted. Just like when I caught you texting your EX behind my back 3 years ago. You still could be for all I know, which is why I have a hard time believing anything you do or say.” which is really a backdoor you’re saying, “I know you’re not perfect because you’ve screwed up before and because of that you’re going to continue paying for it.“

Basically, we can project our insecurities (especially from old wounds) onto our partner simply because we feel they are solely responsible for fixing them.

If you believe there are things classified as not only intolerable but unforgivable, then those are beliefs that must be followed through by action. Meaning, if cheating is unforgivable/intolerable then you shouldn’t continue a relationship with the person who cheated. Otherwise you’re going to have to understand the true meaning and value of forgiveness instead of hoarding resentment against your partner’s wrongs and mistakes, especially if you want an ever-lasting relationship.

one too many drinks

I consider myself a fun drunk – though that’s likely what everyone thinks when they’re intoxicated, which is probably far from the truth. There is the obnoxious drunk, the crier, the chatter box, the politically correct, the flirtatious, the attention seeker, the overly sensitive, the whiner, the belligerent, the drama starter, the no-filter, the touchy-feely, the comatose, the downright sloppy drunk… or worse.

Whatever the case, we are not exactly the same person when we are severely intoxicated. That, alone, can pose for unwanted and unnecessary tension when you, your partner or both have had one too many drinks. If you’re beginning to notice many of your problems arise from the presence of alcohol, it might be beneficial to discuss each of your limits and set some boundaries, or refraining from drinking together or all together for the sake of the relationship.

This is something that can create long-term damage if alcoholism and abuse becomes a factor in the relationship, therefore you and your partner are advised to seek immediate help by a professional.

thievery in the bedroom

If you haven’t had an argument over who takes more of the covers or hogs the bed during the night – are you even in a relationship? I say that light-heartedly, because why would we allow a bed to dictate the quality of our relationship?

Solution: separate blankets and a body pillow as a barrier. Works like a charm.

“you’re just supposed to know!”

Because we think we know someone inside and out, they should know us in return. Sure, our common goal as human beings should be about connecting. True connection makes it seem like we are supposed to literally become one, or like telepathic mind-readers, when really that’s a conscious effort to empathize, understand and consider others besides ourselves.

But, no, he isn’t just supposed to know that you didn’t want his friends over for poker night Friday night, even if you’ve been dropping hints that you were feeling sick or didn’t want to see anybody that weekend.

In life, we already know things can always have more than one meaning, result, message, feeling, impact, value or reaction. That’s why we are encouraged to be open-minded. BUT we can’t expect our partner to do the guesswork, just like we shouldn’t expect them to read into the many hidden and blatant obvious meanings behind, “I’m fine.” Because even that changes constantly.

Ladies, if you’re vague with him, he’s going to react vaguely in return (and not in a way to spite you). They will literally just take things as they see it.

Be direct, express your needs, and I swear you will avoid and eliminate a huge percentage of disappointment and arguments in your relationship.

[Related Read: The Communication Skills That Will Save Your Relationship]

the joke that goes too far

We are all likely to encounter this argument in every relationship. One bad mood and one overly obnoxious prank is a bad mix. It’s likely that on any other given day we are accustomed to our partner cracking jokes or poking fun, but when it catches you at the wrong place and the worst time, we may have different thoughts about our partner’s sense of humor.

[Cough cough] Such as especially times around my menstrual cycle, I can be snippy towards my husband’s playfulness. I know he means well, but there are certain times where I tend to blame his inability to be serious for poking my irritability.

With that, be up front with your partner rather than holding in feelings of contempt, yet it’s important to be aware of our tone and choice of words.

Pet peeves galore

Remember how cute it was when he would smack his lips as he ate?

Yeah, me neither.

No, but seriously. What was once sweet can quickly turn sour, and the things that didn’t bother us in the beginning suddenly become repulsive. Sure, the first time he accidentally (it really wasn’t) farted – not a big deal, and it was probably hilariously cute. Now he does it like a sport, and it drives you mad.

Pet peeves are like potato chips – once you eat one, you can’t stop. You find one pet peeve, and it’s as if you can’t unsee it, while finding one more, and another until it begins to have an impact on the overall quality of the relationship. It’s important not to confuse these pet peeves for incompatibility – yikes.

Bottom line is… learning acceptance is key, and without it no relationship stands a chance.

it’s my way or the highway

It’s actually simple logic, really, yet we really bite the bullet on this one. When we are single, we are consumed with going about life our own way, without having to factor in someone else in our little bubbled world. In a relationship – a real relationship – it’s a little different.

Heads up: your way isn’t the only way, nor is it the only right way. 

There’s no one way to fix something, how to cook, clean, fold laundry, drive a car, manage money or raise kids. You won’t always get to pick the movie, nor will you solely get to decide when it is appropriate for him to see his friends. When you’re in a relationship, it’s not about having control or taking ownership of decision making. It’s about working and coming together, compromise and understanding that things won’t always be your way.

So, for the sake of the argument – literally, non pun intended – it’s important to think before you react. If you choose to react do so humbly with a solution that works in both your favor, and be willing to accept that some things are out of your control and are not worth stirring the pot.