[Written in 2020] Surprisingly enough, dating has become a legitimate struggle right now as we face this uncertain and indefinite lockdown. But I’ll bet more and more singles are logging on and signing up for dating sites.
[Update in 2024] We’re more than 4 years post pandemic, and the aftereffects are being felt everywhere – including the impacts its had on dating app connections. In this post, I discuss 3 online dating dangers that I personally think we’re now up against.
To be discussed in this post..
The point of this post isn’t about the pandemic itself, but its consequential effects on dating and especially online dating connections. If you remember, there was a “lockdown”, and then there was the ongoing caution of “social distancing”. We can’t pretend this hasn’t had an impact on the way we connect and form connections with others.
In fact, more than ever people are turning towards and leaning on online connections – including the suspect rise of dating app users, I am sure. People didn’t just stop dating during the pandemic – no, we succumb to other means available and adapt.
While I can’t prove these aftereffects to be “statistically” accurate – well, because these dangers are already present AND evident even without a pandemic – I still think they are definitely worth considering more.
[Related Read: A Relationship Built To Last Can Survive A Lockdown]
![The point of this post isn't about the pandemic itself, but its consequential effects on dating itself and especially online dating connections. If you remember, there was a "lockdown", and then there was the ongoing caution of "social distancing". We can't pretend this hasn't had an impact on the way we connect and form connections with others. | How the pandemic impacts dating app connections - [3] Online dating dangers | theMRSingLink](https://i0.wp.com/themrsinglink.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/how-online-dating-has-changed-since-the-pandemic-3-dating-app-dangers-pin-2.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&ssl=1)
How the pandemic impacts dating app connections – [3] Online dating dangers
Premature attachment
This isn’t the time to be falling head over heels at “Hello“. And this happens more often than those are willing to admit. Emotions become 10 steps ahead of logic. Would it be crazy to think the pandemic has made the appeal of low or minimal effort relationships skyrocket?
In all seriousness, how good did it feel just to hear from someone, anyone?
Online dating in itself was created as a platform to get to know someone without conditions or strings attached. I mean, dating IRL was always that way, too, but technology has really proven how quickly we can disconnect from ourselves and instead rely on our socials and devices to fill that gap. No wonder the mind, body, and spirit are not in sync.
Premature attachment is exactly how it sounds – it’s attaching (i.e., investing, emotionally involved) prematurely (i.e., too soon, too quickly, preconceived). This can be as subtle as conjuring or imagining someone who you want/hope them to be, without first getting to know them, and proactively falling for it. It’s like buying all kinds of bells, whistles and accessories for a bike without ensuring the bike itself is capable of being ridden.
Dating is a process. Remember to slow. it. down – one step at a time.
The off-balance extremes
Naturally, relationship-growth, or connection runs parallel (meaning, if you like him and he likes you, your feelings for one another should naturally and mutually progress). Keeping in mind subtle fluctuations – some people move much slower or faster than others – it’s important to remain transparent with each other.
As much as the pandemic inhibited the physicality aspect of relationship growth – again, with the push for social distancing – there are obviously other ways to connect. During the pandemic, I think time was more on our side, and we were all here for it. When referring to the above point on premature attachment, we may have missed the mark. Meaning, I think we bit off more than we could chew, yet we kept going anyway.
This is making me think about that Mukbang trend. [face-palm]
We already spend an unhealthy amount of time on our devices – social media, texting, etc. – as if the pandemic’s “work from home” policies didn’t add fuel to that fire. So when our relationship connections are also thrown into the same dumpster fire…I can’t help but think about how this is likely to taint our ability to connect and form healthy connections let alone desensitize from and normalize unhealthy connections and patterns of behavior.
The heavy dependence on our devices has pushed onward, no doubt, with seemingly no end in sight. At this point I’m convinced we’re so blatantly unaware (or blissfully ignorant to the fact) that our devices have become one giant coping mechanism and/or idol in our lives. Its been a way to keep us so out of touch from reality while also disconnecting from ourselves and the world around us. This is probably a good spot to say many of us really need to go touch grass – lol.
The lack of face-to-face connections, IMO, put us more at risk of swaying to the extreme sides of the emotional teeter-totter. An easy example of this would be feeling we have entitled access to a person’s time – we may come down harder when they don’t respond in the manner we expected or simply having an unrealistic belief of how quickly someone should reply to your texts.
Because, let’s be real, in the wake of social distancing where your only option is basically to connect by way of a device…aren’t we likely to have higher expectations in that regard?
Considering this sensitivity to extremes, now that we are years post pandemic, we’re going to need to be more aware of our previous conditions…and how harmful some of that conditioning was, has been, continues to be, and will be moving forward.
Connections are strictly online-based
[Written in 2020] Now I know this may be a bit tough to grasp since… well, we’re in a soft enforced lockdown indefinitely, but isn’t focusing on the emotional connection in relationships supposed to be a good thing? From Skype calls and FaceTime to hand-written letters (yes, even hand-delivered – in the mailbox) and doorstep sentiments. We’re really going to act so…deprived?
[Update in 2024] Listen, an emotional connection is a big deal, and the pandemic certainly forced people to get their heads out of the sand and to be creative. At the same time, now that the days of social distancing are long gone, I find that people are stuck (literally and figuratively) in 2020-mode. Everything is strictly online-based, online-focused and online-dependent.
At what point now is it simply fantasizing a situation based on its potential? We no longer need to resort to or live behind our devices, nor should we.
I can already see it – individuals continuing to hold onto certain relationships in hopes they eventually become something more. More, meaning, face-to-face. You know what they also call these? Casual relationships. They’re casual because intent only goes so far, where growth and effort are stunted and remain outside the parameters of commitment.
If you’re truly seeking a relationship, don’t make the mistake of confusing an online-based or casual relationship for a genuine connection.
