This one’s for my heart-on-their-sleeve wearers, love at first sighters, and prematurely attached in relationships – aka, when you end up falling in love too fast. To some degree, this is likely something everyone has experienced, so the way I see it is it’s best to embrace it for what all relationships are – a learning experience.
But there are definitely key things to take away if you are someone who tends to follow this pattern in your love life. Some good, and some not so good, which are the most important to consider. But here are certain signs you’re falling for someone too hard, too fast.
5 Signs you’re falling in love too fast
You’re missing or enabling red flags
I mean, those are important, right? For me, red flags were my danger warning signs. Believe it or not, sometimes they were even saving me from myself. For example, certain red flags within myself stopped me in moments where I would resort to over-giving or over-sharing in order to be chosen. Listen, nobody said red flags solely pertain to the other person – they’re about you, too!
So for those who tend to wear their heart on their sleeve, love more freely, and focus on the good and only the good in others, being aware of red flags when they arise is critical. But for right now, at this moment, go ahead and do yourself a favor:
Forgive yourself for all the red flags that went uncovered, ignored, and excused, including the ones you simply didn’t see because you didn’t know better at the time. You know better now, and to no longer sweep red flags under the rug in the name of your feelings for them.
You’re fantasizing their potential
Rather than getting to know someone (deeply) and learning about them for who they are, as they are, you begin to take bits and pieces and romanticize this figure you hope and dream of them to be or to become for you. When you fall head over heels in love too hard and too quickly, you can get lost in translation between seeing someone as the person they are and prince charming. One is fantasy, and one isn’t. In order to wake up to reality – of who someone is and how they show up to be – both feet must be planted on the ground.
When you begin to feel the intensity of your feelings for someone, start asking yourself, “What exactly am I ‘falling in Love’ with..[about them]..[about our relationship]..[in this connection we have]?” Are you raptured and enamored by the things that are or the things that could be?
You’re getting swept up by the wrong things
Everyone likes all the kind words, flirtatious surprises, and cute gestures thrown their way (who wouldn’t?), but it is very possible that you are being “swept off your feet” by things that are the honey, not the glue. The honey is mega sweet and desirable, but it’s temporary. A solid, healthy relationship’s foundation can’t hold up on honey alone, but glue. Glue, while it isn’t always as *sexy* or tickling to our feelings, it’s a bond ensuring safety, security and reliability.
If you’re falling in love too fast, you’re likely swept up and googly-eyed by the compliments, outward appearances, romantic gestures, and ambiguous promises rather than for who they actually are and who they show up to be (with or without you).
You’re dating in future tense
Whether you’re someone who often experiences that Love at first sight or not, falling into the trap of dating in future tense fairly common. You might, for example, start to plan (mentally or visually) of a future together after only knowing them a few weeks. In grade school, a child-like version of this was to write our first name with their last name in your school notebooks.
Telling ourselves to slow down is easier said than done – I and many would know. It’s more important to assess the actual pace of the relationship with that of the pace you’re trying to take it. If you’re falling in love too fast, you’re likely to create stories, take initiatives or treat the connection as though it exists on a timeline other than the present.
Forest fires are destructive because they can ignite quickly and burn substantially, so we ought to know this behavior doesn’t embody true Love. That said, a connection that is moving and growing too fast on its own doesn’t necessarily equate to a healthy one.
You’re risking self-sabotage
Whether that be self-sabotaging a [potentially] compatible, healthy relationship, or putting yourself on life-support as a way to prolong the relationship’s existence and maintain your partner’s attention span.
Either way, if being head over heels means undeniable chemistry outweighs unhealthy behavior(s), abandoning and neglecting your own needs (by no longer taking responsibility for them), or accepting and tolerating maltreatment…that’s not Love.
So if you’re someone who tends to fall in love too hard, too fast, ask yourself: “What role do I play in this?“