You see a long-awaited grand opportunity filling you with butterflies – you’ve been wishing for him to make a big move or change of heart. Or maybe you’ve finally moved on, and suddenly your EX starts creeping back into your life. Orrrr you’re now in a tug-of-war with your heartstrings – the previous guy is sliding back into your DMs now that you’ve started seeing someone else.
While from another vantage point, I can see red flag CITY. Now I’m not saying there aren’t instances where this scenario winds up being best-case, especially if your genuine desire is to be together. But I encourage you to seek discernment in the matter, not fantasy, that’s all.
He may mean well or have had the epiphany he needed to finally realize how much you mean to him (and how he feels for you) – all of which may be true and genuine – yet at the end of the day, it still took the risk of or actually losing you for him to [i.e., come to his senses/take action/make an honest effort]. That’s still considered a red flag.
The last thing I want to do is discourage true love or even the chance, at least. But I’m a realist, so I do my best to balance both the heart and mind when it comes to leading with emotion and logic. So while on the topic of this scenario, and potential *red flags*, this is what it could mean when he [suddenly] wants you back now that you’ve “moved on” or are with someone else.
He wants you back now that you’ve moved on
There’s more value in something that’s not easy to get
I know, I know, how stupid. But we have to admit there’s some truth to this in life, right?
It’s like wanting what we can’t have. We’re likely to work harder for what isn’t readily available or accessible – period. Doesn’t make it right, by any means, especially when we consider this scenario with people. But think about why dating exists, and why it’s exciting. There’s a complexity to it more and more are misinterpreting or misusing [abusing]. Dating, in itself, is a “game” (because there’s no commitment or attachment), whether those care to admit it, even with the modern negative stigma it carries.
Either way, when you had to work your A** off to earn or have something, do you cherish the heck out of it more? Of course, but realistically, maybe not with everything. Also, it’s not that the things that are easy aren’t of value or meaning, either, but the bottom line is we [individually] ultimately decide our hierarchy of significance. On the flip side, some people now have the mentality that ‘anything worth keeping won’t be lost‘ – meaning no one is worth fighting for [to keep] if they are capable of losing. Gotta be careful with that one!
So it’s important to consider whether they are capable of choosing you without needing the risk, threat, or result of losing you. Or better yet, ask yourself: are they only willing to [take action/put forth an effort] when things get tough (or when there’s a “threat”)?
“If I can’t have you, no one else can”
Yeeeeeeeeeee-YIKES!
But make no mistake, this surely happens more than you want to think. And I’m just saying, this one can be hard to spot, so please keep up with every little notion that he does not have an ounce of care for your personal regard or happiness. Only his own.
A subtle clue is if he has asked or said, “What do they have that I don’t / He can’t give you what I can / I promise you no one will or can love you like I do.” Or all. the. alike. As “chivalrous” [*gag*] or painfully enticing as this may all sound (and it may be what you want to hear), my Love, I can promise you that kind of talk is dirt CHEAP. And if they’re coming back out of the woodworks simply because you’re seeing someone else, let this be your gentle reminder that it’s because they likely know that someone else (or anyone, for that matter) has a better shot of giving you what you deserve.
They’re done playing the field…or you
Whether there are other players on the bases or not. Either way, he may regret it the moment he realizes you’ve stopped waiting on the sidelines…for good. Sure, maybe you respected the fact he wasn’t ready to settle down at the time, and knowing you were second fiddle didn’t really bother you because, well, you were convinced it would all work out in the end. Most have been in those shoes at least once.
Whatever the case, now you’ve moved on. He’s caught wind of that, and it’s affecting his game. That doesn’t necessarily mean he [suddenly] wants you or only you, but it’s safe to say throwing a wrench in his path may have forced him to reconsider his “strategy” in keeping you around. Because if it worked once before, he probably thinks he can make it happen again. Therefore, he may try upping the ante by showing you more attention, wanting to spend more time together, and prying more into your personal life.
It may simply boil down to this (good or bad): he can’t handle the rejection, especially coming from you. So what you do with that tidbit is up to you.
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