With computer programming as a second language to me, I like to code and decode things, because everything has a meaning and a purpose. For all of us, texting has also become another language. And I hate to admit that it has value in our daily lives, because it does, but texting has also proven to be effectively destructive in communication with others. And we succumb to it daily. Even the dating realm has changed since texting.
Don’t feel like reading? Listen to it here!
First, it was considered lazy if a guy texted you asking you out on a date instead of calling you. If you texted too often and too much, that was a sign of desperation. Now if too much time passes between texts, people absolutely lose their minds. It often leaves me wondering: are people analyzing and reading into their face-to-face connections with people as much as they are with their texting patterns?
That’s just it – we all “text” differently. I’d like to think we don’t conform to groupthink when it comes to the way we treat texting as 24/7 entitled access to others’ time. Some see it simply as a tool for communication, and many are clearly using it as a form of manipulation.
All the while there are those who quite literally depend on it for any or all sense of connection – with others and the world. In combination, we have established customs, habits, and meanings behind texting when interacting with others.
So in today’s world, how can you tell a guy legit likes you based on his “texting habits”? Beyond the superficial pet names and kissy-face emojis, I fill you in on the most substantial patterns that embody genuine interpersonal skills you should be looking out for.
If he likes you…
If he likes you his texting habits will prove it
He responds to your texts in a timely manner
Time – such a thing we are often blind of its value, yet we make blatantly obvious in ways that serve us best. Time is money. Time is of the essence. Time waits for no one. Or my favorite, “Time is what we want most, but we use the worst. – William Penn“
So what is considered ‘in a timely manner‘ may vary from person to person. Yet there are two [obvious] extremes that may play an unhealthy role in dating – those who text back incessantly or infrequently.
Listen, if he likes you, you won’t be left wondering why he hasn’t responded, or when. This may not always mean he will give you an instantaneous response, like you’re chatting in real-time or when it is most convenient for you, but he definitely won’t leave you hanging on Read all day or for days on end.
He will actually apologize for any “delay”
I say this lightly, without condoning infrequent texting behavior OR instigating that an apology is required or necessary. Nobody is entitled to 24/7 access to each other’s time, nor does anyone need to give an explanation (or apology) for how their time is spent. Sorry, not sorry, but he doesn’t need to apologize for hanging out with friends and not texting you about it until he got home.
Yet, the guy who genuinely likes you will respect your time…while also in respect of his own. I mean, we’re all human, right? Hopefully.
That means things come up, time gets the better of us, we pack our plates to the brim, our phones do die, and yet a romantic interest is still not a healthy justification for self-neglect. So if he was hung up at work all day, and couldn’t text you on his lunch break like he normally would, this is the guy who will follow up out of courtesy the next chance he gets, and it may sound like this:
“Sorry I didn’t text you during lunch today – work was so swamped, I barely had time to eat.“
“I wish I had the chance to check in with you – I can’t wait to hear about your day!“
“Ugh, work was brutal today. But my day was made hearing from you.“
He will tell you when he is busy
This is the guy that will shoot you a quick text (yes, it may be short and sweet) letting you know that he’s in a work meeting, tied up with family issues that require his attention, going to bed earlier than expected, spending quality time with the “bros”, or quite literally isn’t able to respond because he won’t have signal while he’s on a camping trip in BFE.
He will want you to know when he is busy – meaning, in a scenario where it may be a duration of time before you hear from him. This isn’t peculiar behavior now that we have instant communication at our fingertips. Granted, let’s not get carried away, either – perfection doesn’t exist, so an effort made ought to be given credit where it is deserved.
Remember, before texting, it wasn’t like people reached out to let you know when they’d be able to return your call. You simply waited to hear back. Outrageous for those who never lived outside the texting era, I know.
That said, he will also be comfortable asking for time and space when needed because when he genuinely likes you the last thing he wants is the opportunity for assumptions to jeopardize his genuine intentions and feelings. So the best thing you can offer is to be that soft place to land when some things may not always go your way, or how you hoped.
His texts are well-thought-out
Could I be going a bit over my head with this one? Maybe. Because the reality is most guys don’t [prefer to] talk, at least not unnecessarily, or for the same reason women do.
It’s not that they don’t enjoy talking to you, but engaging in full-on conversations over text may be taxing. I mean, as a neurodivergent introvert, I can definitely relate. So it also wouldn’t be crazy to acknowledge that some guys just aren’t as into it as you – the whole full-on texting banter, I mean.
That doesn’t mean when they do reach out it isn’t thoughtful, meaningful, and reassuring. Remember, words aren’t everything – his actions must also align.
Yet for sake of the argument, and thanks to happy-inducing chemicals like oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, let’s say he’s legit hyped to text it out with you on the reg. You might even begin to think it’s poetic. And he’s not just dishing all the things you want to hear to fill up his text quota for the day. When he texts you, it actually has substance. There will be more than just a solid “ya“, “tight“, “K – cool, cool” or “I dOn’T kNoW” in response to everything. Besides, it’s true as they say that guys text more regularly (and make the effort to) with those they actually enjoy talking with.
Sure, sometimes you might wonder if his voice-to-text skills are simply on point (why even complain) but, either way, if he’s taking the time to feed the conversation versus simply squashing it with one-word replies – that’s someone willing to go the extra mile in conveying their feelings, or whatever’s going on inside their head.
He can carry the conversation
And if he isn’t shelling out dead-end responses, then he will also know how to carry the conversation when appropriate.
Now I’m not exactly a believer in having full-fledged conversations incessantly through text. If that’s literally the default way you choose to communicate, you might want to reconsider. Texting is to be treated as the appetizer, not the main course (like quality time together face-to-face).
For LDR, FaceTime and talking on the phone is a step above. But texting should never supersede or replace the importance of voice-to-voice exchange, at the very least, or quality time [talking/connecting] face-to-face. Besides, the core aspects of your relationship shouldn’t be defined or managed through texting, anyway. So I wouldn’t take it too personally if he’s not a big “Texter” but seems to make a stronger effort carrying a conversation over the phone.
That said, if he likes you, like really likes you, he desires to hear from you and gets the same satisfaction from a response as much as you do. So if you’re someone who worries you’re being annoying or too much – you can go ahead and release that negative thinking. He will ask reciprocating questions and pay greater attention to detail in the things you say (*remember, not what you MEAN) in order to better understand you.
He checks in with you
It won’t matter if he saw you yesterday, he’ll want to know how your day is going today. Granted, this may not be a *guaranteed* daily occurrence, but when the consistent effort is made is where it counts.
And no, him only reaching out once a week to see what you’re up to and nothing in between is not what I mean, either. If you matter to him, you’ll be a priority to him in more ways than one. What’s going on and what happens to you in your life also becomes important to him on a regular basis, or *increasingly* as a genuine connection is being made between you.
For lack of better words, he wants to stay up-to-date or in the loop of your own little world, but not in a creepy, obsessive, controlling, or over-bearing way. It’s about the little things – the finer details. You don’t expect him to oblige, read your mind or remember certain things, but alas, this is just another small but big way he will *show up*.
He will ask how your grandmother is doing (since you told him about her going to the hospital), he will anxiously assert himself in how your job interview went (instead of waiting in silence for you to spill the deets), he will send you something sweet or funny to cheer you up (because you expressed that you were having a bad day), and he appoint himself to getting anything you need when you tell him your sick in bed.
Hopefully the gist, or my point was made. It won’t just be about him anymore – when you’re not together he cares about what you’re up to and how you’re doing.
He won’t stir the pot, start or resolve an argument via text
I can’t say this for many, but if there’s anything I’ve learned in terms of emotional maturity is that there’s a time and place for everything, especially conflict and sensitive matters.
This doesn’t mean every dispute, disagreement, and confrontation suddenly becomes irrelevant, insignificant, or null and void simply because you aren’t texting it out in the moment. I experienced enough of my fair share of text wars and pettiness in my young adolescence that did more damage than intended.
In a toxic way, I unconsciously enjoyed it. And honestly, I think people get a crazy-good dopamine hit from arguing over text, or starting conflict via text message. Yes, you heard right. And it may even provide some level of normalcy and comfort for those who engage in this kind of behavior often.
Texting was never supposed to replace critical aspects of communication and conflict resolution. Therefore, you should never attempt to resolve an argument over text. I know you will, anyway, but go ahead and repeat after me: There is no win in a one-legged ass-kicking contest.
As difficult as it may be, like an itch you’re DYING to scratch, certain topics or circumstances should be placed on the back burner until you are together face-to-face or to discuss over the phone when more time is allotted. This may seem impossible to do in the moment when you’re texting back and forth, but as long as you address the need for proper discussion at a more appropriate time, its existence and significance doesn’t just fizzle into thin air.
So, yes, the guy who actually likes you – values you [your time, energy, effort, respect] and what you have [together] – will avoid stirring the pot and instead suggest a time and/or place to discuss matters rather than over text. He knows that texting has no business being the face of relationship disharmony.
He gives you the benefit of the doubt
So we all probably agree that “proper” texting etiquette is the 1:1 rule. You text them, they text back, then you respond – yada yada ya – and so on.
But we can’t logically expect it to always go that way. Just because texting exists, as human beings we aren’t to operate robotically and systematically the way everybody wants or expects. Relationships don’t organically work that way, either. Can we all just take a step back and really let that sink in, especially with where we’re at technologically?
There are going to be times you might be texting more, sending the first text of the day, “follow-up” texts, vice versa, or not able to text at all the whole day. *MY PEOPLES – it’s really NOT that crazy to have a life outside of dating. Sure, going MIA all the time? That’s negligence.
It is far too easy to get caught up in scrutinizing or over-analyzing text messages as it is, hence why texting should never be wielded with the power those blindly give it. As if our egos don’t crumble when things don’t go our way or in our favor, so we retaliate by *matching energies*. What happened to the grace we so desperately anticipate from others when we’re not perfect but explicitly withhold giving in our own disappointment? I’m just saying.
That’s why he’s going to be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. So when he texted you that morning, to which you never responded (because you were slammed at work), he’s not going to hold that against you by refusing to text you a second go-around, or purposely wait hours OR DAYS before texting you back. *Hey – you – give him the benefit of the doubt, too!
In fact, he will take it upon himself to avoid making immediate, negative assumptions and send a follow-up text, “I know you’re busy but I just wanted to say that I hope you’re having a great day at work – can’t wait to see you/hear from you!“
He spends more quality time with you face-to-face than through text
Look, I get it, busy work schedules, single parent life be like, mental health and wellness issues…all the things that can get the best of us and easily take up our precious time. And that’s neglecting whatever free [me] time you have left.
Texting has really stepped up and taken off an immense amount of the pressure behind “making time” without sacrificing “connection“. At least, not too much.
At some point, I think we eventually become immune to that lack-luster level of human connection, though. Hence why texting becomes an addiction – our most *abused* fallback. The fact is, it’s laziness when we can help it. And if you’re spending more time texting than you are actually together, you might be doing your relationship a disservice in the long run.
But if he likes you, he won’t let that be the case. Texting and time together face-to-face will run parallel. Obviously, there’s consideration for the ratio of text messages to the number of times you get together (say, in a month’s span), but what’s important is he will make the time. For both, honestly, where texting can fill in any *gaps*.
More importantly, he won’t use texting as an excuse for not getting together. Even if it means having lunch together during the workweek, skipping time at the gym that day when it’s the only time frame you can see each other, or scheduling days or weeks out your “free” days together – sacrifices will be made and effort will be prominent, no excuses.
Because, when he legit likes you it won’t be a textuationship. And, trust me, you DON’T want that.
