7 Things That Are Holding You Back In Life [Let Them Go!]

Every single one of us in life goes through times of imposition. If you didn’t go through struggles you would never learn how to overcome them. Besides, it’s these rough periods in life that help you understand their significance and what you care about the most.

But I think it’s fair to admit that we can allow our personal struggles to cling on a little too tight, and when they stick around long enough they begin to effect our stride. They can slowly weave their way into your life, often times going undetected, but they are the things that may be holding you back.

And you need to let them go!

7 things that are

holding you back in life

[+ you need to let them go!]

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constant guilt

If you asked every single person on this planet, everyone would have experienced some ounce of guilt in their life. It’s a reminder of our mistakes, wrong doings and life choices.

Guilt is the constant reliving of the past.

In a way guilt is a notable thing – it’s remorseful and humbling to ego – as long as it is forgiven and surrendered. But many live in guilt. Like a web their lives are entangled in its agony. The problem is when you allow guilt to become this dark ominous cloud that inhibits you from living in the present or looking toward the future. The feeling of guilt won’t change the reason or its cause, nor will it bring you the clarity you need in moving forward.

You are human. Feel, heal and forgive yourself.

living in hindsight

Hindsight is realizing something after it has happened. Similar to guilt, many can often find themselves dwelling on past circumstances based on what they know in the present. You might often find yourself saying things like, “Oh I should have done that…” or, “If I just would have done this, the outcome would have been different.“

It’s like when you fail a test you thought you studied long and hard for, then realize after receiving your failing grade what you should have focused on studying all along.

Some live in hindsight by allowing those realizations to effect them.

For the past 6 months or so I have been struggling with this very battle. It can feel debilitating, and frankly it strips away at my ability to look forward to the future because I am in the constant state of trying to figure out the past – knowing all too well that I cannot change it. Yet my brain feels stuck there, unable to move forward, always searching for answers, reasons, explanations and truth.

I’ve heard the phrase so much recently, “Hindsight is always 20/20,” and that reality has struck harder for me than I realize. Sure, while it is always easier to know something after the fact, it still leaves me questioning and even doubting my own judgement. Which leaves me to being harder on myself – stricter and more critical.

Hindsight exists for one very good reason – to help us learn. To understand the way life works and coming to realizations that things don’t always go as planned or as hoped and that we are imperfect. It’s about knowing better in order to do better moving forward.

You are human. Feel, heal and forgive yourself.

[Related Read: Ways To Better Love Yourself A Little More Everyday]

that uncanny desire for control

For many there’s this drive to be in seamless control of every aspect of life – at home, in the workplace, relationships or even the past, present and future. And the moment life minutely seems off balance, or beyond our control, the avalanche effect begins.

As a Type 5 thinker, I have lately realized my very fear of not being in control. Sometimes it’s about having control over myself, my emotions, thoughts, anxiety, feelings and direction in life. The long heard phrase, “Everything happens for a reason,” almost feels foreign to me as I’ve gotten older. I always feel like I need control of that reason, rather than just accepting what is.

Unfortunately if you allow this fear, and need of control, to consume your life… you will only live a life filled with despair and disappointment. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is allow the chips to fall as they may.

[Related Read: An Open Letter to My Teenage Self on Boys and Love – My Words of Millennial Wisdom]

allowing others to destroy your peace

No matter what, you will live among others who differ from you – through beliefs, values, preferences, successes, failures, knowledge, abilities, interests, opinions and so on. You will even come across those in your lifetime who are loyal to their need of you, are using you for further self gain or looking to fulfilling their need for control. Moreover, you are guaranteed to encounter those in your life who will wrong you, disappoint you or hurt you.

Unfortunately what someone does, who they are or how they choose to live their life is not within your means to change, but you have the power to change how it effects you.

On the flip side, maybe you have envy toward others for your own personal inconvenience, misfortunes or even failures. There are times it may be difficult to muster the compassion for others – hey, nobody’s perfect – as you’re juggling and dodging your own troubles.

You start blaming, comparing and judging. Many are undeniably addicted to having this negativity in their life. For lack of better words, when you feed off the dramatization of others or continue to invite ongoing negativity into your life… you’re making the conscious choice to allow the lives of others to have power over your own.

never being enough

If you know what it feels like to work your tail off just to get mediocre results in return, then you’ve likely experienced the feeling of not being good enough. Or attractive enough, outgoing enough, successful enough, rich enough, skilled enough, smart enough, lovable enough, worthy enough and so on.

You also probably compare yourself to others in the areas of life where you feel insufficient. It comes down to understanding and accepting that your best won’t compare to anyone else’s.

The thing is, as humans, we can always do better. But that’s what makes us all imperfect, flawed, unique, and different in our own way. Unfortunately having the constant need to win the approval of others or to keep up with the Jone’s will always seem like one big life competition. When in fact you are actually your biggest critic…and the one that truly determines your life happiness. So if you focused on being enough for you rather than others, you would see life as being about the journey rather than exceeding this imaginary bar.

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being a “people pleaser”

“Giving to others is without the expectation to receive.“

You know that, I know that – everyone and their mother knows that. Yet your mother probably also taught you that everything in life is in moderation. And if you consider yourself a people pleaser, then you likely know the streamline of feelings resulting in that all too well. But TBH, and blunt, we can be very quick to label ourselves with that persona, and need to be more aware of why.

For me that label has such an ugly sound, as well as a degrading, manipulating and victimizing context. You’re no longer giving to others, but relinquishing all respect and love for yourself. And when you do that, you end up solely depending on others to fulfill that for you.

I’ve even thought of myself as a people pleaser, but for all the wrong reasons. I didn’t want to be. Instead I led myself on to believe that’s who I needed to be in order to be accepted and loved by others. Blah.

I am now understanding that, by nature, I am just not the kind of person with this utmost desire to entertain the feelings of others. It has taken me a loooong time to admit that, even to myself. And as an introvert, the feeling of that expectation of others is a lot of emotional pressure for me to live up to. Most take a jab at this being my “selfish”, introverted qualities… but for me it’s surivival. I know how extremely important it is to maintain my worth, sense of self and peace, self respect as well as personal care.

This is not to be confused with inherently and purposefully wanting to displace other people’s feelings over mine. I simply retract emotionally when made to feel that someone else’s happiness solely depends on me.

That feeling alone can easily disrupt my inner peace – that I am perpetually responsible or accountable for someone else’s feelings or happiness.

So where is that line drawn between the true definition of giving and living to please others? IMO, being a “people pleaser” is nothing more than a way to subject yourself to an idealized image others see of you, and to justify the expectation of a return of investment. You sacrifice your own needs, worth and value as a person, but in doing so with the expectation that others will fulfill you in return.

The problem is when you expect others to give to you as you would give to them.

When the aim to please is not reciprocated, validated, appreciated or supported the way you expect in return, the emptiness you feel creates resentment. This is when you should consider that you may be relying too much on others to fill your own unmet expectations, unhappiness or insecurities.

For the record, you don’t need to be a people pleaser to be a decent, caring person in this world. In fact, stop trying to be – remove yourself of that label. It’s about giving because you are whole, not giving in order for others to make you feel whole.

fear of failure

Often times I hold myself back from something, only to realize thereafter that failure would have made me feel better over the constant wondering of what if. Let that sink in for a minute.

I am the master of creating What-Ifs and holding back in life, rather than taking risks. I over-analyze, make assumptions and predictions as well as try to control the outcome before it happens. Living in that mindset I end up suffering more than if I would just take on the fail.

And that is backup proof that doubt really can do more damage in life than the risk of failure. Ever so slowlyyyy… I could never agree with this quote more,

“Doubt will hold you back in life more than failure ever will.”

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