This is every SUCCESSFUL Online Dating Profile [As Of 2020]

I began dating online in, oof, 2009. I remember having to fill out a 100+ questionnaire and a dating profile that resembled a resume template. I have no doubt things are different since then, likely in not-so-good ways. Some dating apps may not even require you to fill out a full-on profile anymore (sad, sad, saaaad), and that’s a huge problem. I am not surprised at all by the lack of success, and the status quo these dating apps only seem to care about.

Dating apps are becoming just another version of social media, but for singles. And you just scroll, swipe, and block on repeat.

There’s nothing intentional about online dating anymore. People are getting away with doing less and expecting more, and it’s creating a vicious cycle of deactivating and reactivating dating profiles again and again. But I’m not just blowing smoke up my own a** here, when you choose a dating site that is centered around finding REAL relationships it will ask you to put in the bit of extra work and effort – not just the idea of simply swiping right.

Now it’s 2020, the dawn of a new decade, and I’m shelling out exactly what every successful online dating profile contains, and I’ll even dish my inside secrets from my own personal online dating success.

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[As Of 2020] What Every SUCCESSFUL Online Dating Profile Has

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the right balance, in all seriousness

Ultimately there are those who take online dating way. too. seriously. and then there are those who, for lack of better words, don’t give a rat’s a** if the sun comes up today. You want to be that person somewhere in between – that happy medium.

• Let your personality shine through without letting dissatisfaction and disappointment take over,
• Be open but not doormat material,
• Take. your. time. (talk, talk, TALK first prior to setting the first date – online dating allows you to get to know someone without emotional strings attached),
• Don’t obsess over every match or message (or lack thereof) – especially when things don’t work out,
• “Read the room” – be in tune to the energy you bring versus what others put out, and vice versa (the idea is your energies should be somewhat aligned/aligning),
• Avoid checking your app notifications 24/7, but don’t go MIA for days or weeks on end, and
• Honor the “what you put in is what you get back” approach.

Find that balance and be open and willing to make adjustments as needed. Online dating is NOT a sprint, it’s a marathon – it’s a process. It took me nearly 4 years to find my Mr. Right.

no field is left blank

Or poorly, vaguely, zero-sh*ts-given written. I mean it. Every detail and question is answered thoroughly and honestly, especially the ones you answer that pertain to compatibility. Every dating site has an algorithm that helps match you to other profiles based on how engaged and interactive you are as well as those silly questions you could care less about answering.

So take even the pointless stuff seriously.

grammar, complete sentences and spell-check – no excuses!

Even though I’ve been saying it in my other posts about online dating – this is equally lazy as it is ignorant.

If you want to be taken seriously, take the process seriously by being articulate and literate.

your privacy on LOCKDOWN

I’m dumbfounded by the number of people not only dishing their number after a few passing messages with matches but those giving it out freely in their profile.

DO. NOT.

That includes your place of work, the county or neighborhood you live in as well as pictures that clearly display the inside and/or outside of your home.

It’s no secret, when matches are interested (or overtly pissed by your rejection), they’re likely investigating you from your social media. You may even do the same – I know I did. But not every technological soul can be trusted, and certainly not after a few messages of them telling you exactly what you wanted to hear.

There’s wearing your heart on your sleeve and there’s inviting someone to strip you of your boundaries and dignity. Know which to avoid doing.

states exactly what you want out of it

Upfront and center – in bold, too. Like what it is exactly you’re looking for – to date casually (non-commital or purely physical) or a serious, committed relationship (you might also include whether your goal is marriage, or not).

The POINT of online dating is not to waste anybody’s time or play games, right? Right. So that means doing your part and laying down your short and long-term expectations. You want to do this without scaring people off (likeeee stating that you hope to be married with kids in less than 3 years) or beating around the bush in hopes to widen your dating pond.

The name of the online “game” should be to take what you do know up front at face value. Therefore if what they’re looking for doesn’t match what you want (or is not clearly stated in their title or description)… don’t fantasize the situation for what it isn’t, and that includes the potential you see in him.

If he obviously doesn’t want a relationship, it’s not up to you to change his mind. Even his good looks won’t change reality.

the right attitude

There’s getting your point across and then there’s getting your point across bitterly. As they say, it’s difficult to express emotion through text… buttttt it’s also about perspective. When you use specific words, or more importantly your use of words, it can definitely come across as sounding pessimistic, unenthused, or worse – like misandry.

It can feel moving to portray your hurt past as strength – you know, the whole I-can-see-through-your-bullsh*t-so-don’t-try-me attitude. And I’ll just come out with it – to the right guys you’re coming up guarded with armor and weapons, and most want no part in having to prove themselves worthy simply because the last guy broke your heart.

So when you say something like, “Are there no loyal men anymore? So tired of all the liars and cheaters. Don’t even bother if you’re looking for hookups – no players or cheaters, and if you DM me with d*ck pics prepare to be ripped a new one,” – well, then prepare to feel the burn from those who want no part in *that*, and will automatically assume they have no shot at all because you’ve placed them in a box with all the others (the sh*tty ones you’ve encountered) prior to even knowing them.

Hope and positivity should be the symbol of strength and the gateway to success in dating online. And if you’re still clinging to trauma from your previous relationships – girl, self-healing is the only way you are going to be able to move forward. Your future relationships are not the ones responsible, nor do they deserve to reap the consequences from your past.

You can attract the right people without going out of your way to repel the wrong ones. Making sure you don’t sound off-key can be tricky for some (especially if you’re in a bad mood all around), so be sure you are filling out your profile on a good note or when you’re feeling inspired, motivated and confident.

lists desired qualities in a partner, not a person

Instead of saying you want someone,

• with six-pack abs or a muscular physique,
• taller than 5’7 (without heels),
• that has dark/light hair,
• with facial hair only (ew, no body hair),

you need to focus on the qualities in a partner. While we all have a “physical” type, naming off ideal physical characteristics in your profile is outwardly superficial, shallow, rigid and closed-minded. Sorry, but it’s true.

If attractiveness is important (which, for everyone, it is) there are other ways to get across what you are attracted to without getting to a sub-category of your cosmetic check-list. You could say you are looking for a partner who takes care of himself, is well-groomed, prides in good hygiene, prioritizes health and diet, stays active and/or has a passion for fitness.

I had to turn down multiple guys who reached out to me when in their profiles they stated wanting someone who “must love CrossFit”, “needs to work out 3+ times a week“, or “can keep up with my crazy fitness lifestyle“. Which, if you know me, I’m no fitness fiend. It’s just not a passion of mine – I work out because I have to, not because I enjoy it.

But they obviously saw my pictures – I wasn’t overweight, by any means – and if they read my profile it spoke of nothing having to do with working out or fitness. Yet they made their own assumptions based on what I looked like in their eyes. So I remember having to be honest with not only them but myself – that if the kind of person they were looking for was someone richly passionate about going to the gym, lifting weights, dieting and working out multiple times a week (as specified in their profile), well, then I wasn’t their type nor were they mine.

[Related: (watch the video) Online Dating Dangers MORE People Need To Be Aware Of]

See how certain specifics (that may not even truly matter) can deter good people – the right partner – from your dating pool?

Qualities in a partner go beyond the surface. Obviously what the person looks like on the outside isn’t everything, but it also shouldn’t compensate for someone with crappy, undesirable qualities as a partner. Therefore I will only say it once: chemistry is not a substitute for true connection or compatibility.

You likely want loyalty, honesty, integrity, respect, transparency, openness, good morals and values, a good listener, someone caring, gentle, motivating, inspiring, open-minded, forgiving, family-oriented and able to commit. Your desired qualities in a partner should be reflected in your profile more so over what qualities fit the desired image of someone in your eyes.

A key point to keep in the back of your mind is that looks will change and fade with time, health and age, but what’s on the inside is what will bond two people together for a lifetime.

authentic photos over Snapchat filters

Not pictures of you from 1998 (for many that would’ve made you in your early teens…or just born – ugh, I’m old), no pictures of you with 16 friends (you’re not playing Where’s Waldo here), no photos that are literally the same (the only difference being your pose – where you’re not even SMILING in them), and none zoomed in too close or so far out they would need a magnifying glass.

Your photos should not make it difficult for others to figure out what you ACTUALLY look like.

I’m not saying you should get glamor shots or hire a professional photographer (in a way that wouldn’t be a bad idea), but you might bribe a friend to help you take some decent photos rather than ones you take yourself. Far too many out there are using deceptive photos (like only headshots, closeup selfies, skewed angles and filters to hide any flaws), and it’s putting a damper on the authenticity of not only yourself but the online dating process. If you want people to fall in love with the real you, you have to be willing to show that upfront without trickery.

Use a variety of photographs including but not limited to a headshot, a picture that shows you from mostly head to toe, one that shows off your personality, and one captured with family or friends (that others can easily pick you out from). Refrain from posting bathroom selfies (it screams apathy) and images where your “assets” are the focal point. Sorry not sorry.

shows your true self beyond “interests” and hobbies

Yes, your hobbies and interests can make the cut, but you are more than your job or career and the things you do on a Saturday night. There’s also your life aspirations, personal dreams, goals, and your values – [ahem] whether yours are more traditional or modern – as well as quirks, flaws, and deep, dark secrets not many know about.

But that first requires knowing who you are. It’s super easy to succumb to describing ourselves as solely ideal qualities for anyone in order for others to see you as being desirable and approachable. Of course everyone wants to be known as friendly, caring, and fun.

[*yawn*] Sorry, it’s not that those are bad qualities, but c’mon really? What else you got?

Start asking yourself if sweet, adventurous and outgoing actually stands true to who you really are… when you can often be the sassy, sarcastic yet introverted homebody that sends their friend’s Friday night calls to voicemail in order to chill with their cat. Because here’s a big ole’ truth bomb: whoever you end up with will eventually be able to see right through those white lies.

It’s time to be real, without the fake glitter that winds up chipping off in time anyway. You’re a diamond underneath all that, anyway. Besides, it’s 2020, skip the paragraph nonsense about your solo summer spent in Europe, and keep it simple with fun emojis to hint at your likes and interests. This leaves more to the imagination for someone to get to know you, plus it allows you more text space for the important stuff you actually want them to know (like your eco-conscious obsession).

MOST importantly, it gives a glimpse of what YOU bring to the table

You read me right. It’s about what you, as a partner, have to offer someone. A relationship is not solely about finding the right partner for you, it’s about being the right partner.

So what is it you are bringing to the table? And no, not just “a lot of love“, because that’s pretty subjective.

This is the moment for your most valuable qualities to shine – the things that actually matter in finding that “soulmate” or lifelong partner – whether you’re an exceptional forgiver (you believe in amending mistakes and second chances), an optimistic thinker (you don’t give up or threaten the longevity of the relationship when the going gets tough) or open-minded to change and growth(you value self-improvement for the good of the relationship).

Use the opportunity to set yourself apart from others and how you are an indispensable asset in someone’s life.

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