Straight up, I hate social media now more than ever. Do I use it? Yes, but I’ve only grown to see how barren, tainted and useless it truly is. I literally only have a FB account for the Marketplace, but if I’m honest, I’m always one click away from deleting every account. While the title of this post should be posed as more of a question, I made it a statement for the simple fact that even I exude these behaviors, and have now opened my eyes to how they have negatively impacted my view and treatment of real-life connections, friendships and relationships.
What we will unpack in this post
I know this might make me seem like a pessimistic, annoying naysayer only blowing smoke but it’s hard not to notice the harm social media has caused over the last decade, the unhealthy habits and trends created from it, and especially how it has negatively impacted real-life connections. That’s not to say social media isn’t beneficial in some ways or hasn’t done any good, but how often do we take something good and make it bad (or use it poorly)?
So if you’re like me and are noticing a lot of social media icks, or have an utter distaste for social media *connections*, then this post is for you. Otherwise, if you were lead here by the title or share a similar struggle, you might find social media to be a culprit in more ways than one.
5 Unhealthy social media behaviors that damper real-life connections
We do more photo dumps and likes than actual *socializing*
Prove. Me. Wrong. I’ll wait. More than ever, especially those who [claim to] *never* or seldomly use social media, are chiming in to post a slew of pictures every few weeks or months…only to then disappear! The same thing applies to Likes – the number of people who log in, Like a few things (as simply to say, “I’m here! I care!”) and, again, disappear until the next Holiday comes around. Sure, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sharing and liking….but as a mere replacement to justify why you haven’t reached out, heard from or seen someone?
Remember, grandma only signed up for social media so she could keep up with her kids and grandkids (adapting to “their” way of communicating and “staying in touch” *visually*” and, at the very least, to let others know – for their convenience – that she’s still ALIVE.
Anyway. Still, I get it, we already know we’re not obliged to be on social media all day, every day, as well as interact with every photo, post, or person we follow. As we shouldn’t! The same, as we know already, applies to communication with others outside social media.
Although, it really does seem like interaction – on social media, alone – is either endangered or extremely watered down. Now think about how this is applied to the real world and real-life connections these days? I find that a similar trend is occurring, where social media is becoming the replacement. Passivity of social media is extremely loud. All we have to do is LIKE something, and its as if we paid our *dues*. All of our efforts, and anything that can be said in words is replaced by that little Heart, or a click of a button.
Our socials have transformed into private visionary boards made public
You know, like Pinterest, but that network was literally designed to be just that – for *pinning* ideas, crafts, recipes, inspiration, etc., not sharing photos of your kids. Older generations had this, but it was a cork board on their wall in their room and a collage of cut outs from magazines, catalogues and things!
Yet I see a similar thing happening to the other networks, but in a way that sometimes makes me go, “Uhhh…how on earth could you share that?!”
Our private lives are made public exceedingly, and I often worry there’s literally no stopping point as to what people are willing to share, especially for those whose visionary board becomes bigger than what our social networks were originally designed for. Part of me is convinced many of us have lost this sense of not only appropriateness but consideration and privacy for safety reasons. Worse off is that those simply don’t care and, therefore, monetize or popularize it (even if it is just for *Likes*). And I can’t help but view social media as the fast food to our ego.
It’s not up to me to dictate what is considered too private or sensitive to share, but I’m fairly certain a greater majority would say it’s a red flag for people to openly post or share them taking a dump, no matter how much we normalize pooping as a bodily function. I mean, in real life, we still might assume something upstairs is not screwed on tight if someone is unapologetically capable of taking a dump in the street, with a newspaper and all.
So, for me, there’s something alarming when [many] people are that comfortable, for instance, displaying their birth photos/videos for the world (even if it’s just their followers) to see. Educational purposes aside, if it’s simply about portraying, normalizing and bringing awareness to common or uncommon, and natural aspects of life – since sharing in one another’s relatable-ness IS part of connecting with others – I still find that the line in the sand eventually becomes blurred. Besides, there’s a difference between sharing insight or our story in words or audio than graphically through pictures or video.
Our world, ESPECIALLY the online world (the Dark Web, for instance), in the public eye is not safe, as it is also not deserving of our blind or willful trust, let alone the innermost, detailed and privatized parts of our life. Yet the targets on people’s back that they’re ignorantly creating or blatantly unaware of is also disturbing.
We live in a world full of sick and twisted individuals who take advantage, dehumanize and ride on the backs of others (*and worse, in every single way possible that I should not have to explain in full) – this should be no secret, anymore. Therefore, how much have we willingly submitted ourselves and our lives to our online world?
Here’s what I’m getting at: fewer and fewer things are sacred anymore!
We don’t even need to catch up with people, one-on-one
Seriously, what’s the point? I know where so-and-so went on vacation last week – could obviously tell how it went, and don’t really need any details. I already know so-and-so is pregnant, what she’s having, when she’s due and even gathered birth plan deets -all without having to inquire. So-and-so moved away, shockingly, but because it was announced on social media I only presume it’s so they don’t have to explain themselves a million times to different people.
Social media really has a way of exposing who we actually care about and vice versa, because it will show. LBR, when we post something…we really want to know who (and, frankly, how MANY) cares enough about us. But when you have to make the effort to directly connect with someone to tell them something, are we not showing them that they’re important to us by reaching out personally? You see how that works? I believe social media has made it possible to remove that aspect entirely by replacing it with “..so-and-so, AND 58 OTHERS Liked your post!”, and I now see the dangers of that.
Social media may have made it more convenient for us to connect with many people instantaneously, like a group chat, without any expectations or strings on our end, per say, but I’d argue that level of effort is not the same as one-on-one, real-life connection. I really do believe some things in us haven’t changed – it still feels good to hear news from a friend before it pops up on my social feed. It feels even better knowing someone deemed me important to be confided in or told important news to that doesn’t end up on their socials at all.
I may be pretty combative as to why we shouldn’t post certain things or to post less while others hold tightly to, “because I can”, or “because I want to”. So I want to ask the better question: then why not directly reach out to those you care about with important, shocking or exciting information/news that clearly isn’t too private to be on social media for all of your followers to see?
Why have we done away with actually catching up with people one-on-one or proactively filling in those in our lives who are important to us, and are content and satisfied doing it blanketly and conveniently over social media? IMO, no one can convince me this is even remotely healthy or a beneficial substitute for real-life connections.
Our socials are simply an excuse to monitor
When I first got IG, I can recall the number of friend requests I received from people I knew from high school…who I hadn’t spoken to nor seen in YEARS. I accepted these requests and went about my merrily way. Did we interact with one another? Some, not all. Above all, I found it exceptionally interesting to be able to essentially stay up-to-date with what goes on in their lives without actually having to interact, be proactively social or seem interested to connect at all.
In time I noticed many of these individuals sort of faded into the background, you might say. Basically, I forgot they were followers and who I also followed. More often than not I assumed these people deactivated their profiles or maybe even unfollowed me at that point. And, yet, when IG stories came about….there they were showing up in my “Seen”.
I could be making something from nothing here, but I think there’s a bigger point to understand. When are going to admit that we follow people just to pry and monitor? Call it what you will, or whatever makes you feel better. Back then, we resorted to buying magazines to see what all the celebrities were up to, to get all the scoop and envy over their lives. Guess what we’re doing now with those closer to our inner and just outside our circle? We don’t even have to pay for it or wait for the next issue.
This may not be malicious in any way, truly, and even I’m guilty. It’s also taking into account our bigger followers, brands or “influencers” that are purely for recipe inspiration, relatable-ness, or workout tips – they’re just candy to the eyes and mind.
But there came a time when I felt the need to remove a bunch of individuals simply because I didn’t think they [everyone] deserved unlimited access to my life, regardless if I once knew the person. Granted, that looks much different since my account is a business that is “public”. Though, in a way, social media has made me question whether or not we do think we are entitled to that access to people. Not to mention without instigating, establishing or maintaining any sort of connection or effort to connect.
Before social media, you knew [of] people, but the only way you really knew what was going on in their life was by A. talking to them directly, or B. getting information through others (AKA, gossip). Could we say, then, that social media is the passive bridge to gossip, comparison (judgement) and envy? Ooof, maybe we’re not ready to go there.
The fact is we’re not actively seeking out individuals we haven’t spoken to or seen, following them around, sitting parked out in front of their house or peering into their windows…to see what they’re up to *in secret*. Nope, social media has made it FAR easier to do that without seeming creepy.
Even I’m forced to ask myself, “So then why do I care so much about following so-and-so on social media if we haven’t spoken in years and have no intention of engagement or interaction?” Because I liked the idea of being a fly on the wall, much like we all do, and we justify doing this simply based off a mutual or accepted friend request.
Real-life relationships are not the same as social media connections, and by default we gravitate to the latter
Know how this is true? Of the two, which receives your undivided attention *first or *most? How about graciously? You know, without that subtle feeling of obligation or guilt? I’m even talking about “scroll time”, since a lot of us also feel connected to others on social media simply by scrolling through content. That’s because we can do this at our leisure, in the comfort of home (or wherever that be, even on the toilet), at the disposal of no one, and without uttering a single word.
We’ve transformed (aka, falsely redefined) what it means to connect or feel connected. I didn’t say it wasn’t one way to connect, yet I can’t help but notice how it’s reached a point where not only do we rely on this way but, by default, we prefer it. How would we choose if we were given two options: two close, sometimes uncomfortable yet honest relationships….OR…. 20+ surface level connections that only serve to tickle your ears intermittently and make you feel temporarily satisfied?
I’d like to convince myself the majority picks the first option, but the servitude toward social media and its growing numbers of online use say otherwise. And we really have to answer honestly based on our reaction if social media in its entirety went *POOF* one day, because many lives would be absolutely shattered.
The increase of social media use means increased escapism. Oh how I could unpack this so deep. For instance, we can easily avoid or remove ourselves from any discomfort with a simple scroll or filtering of content or accounts we don’t want to see. Our real life relationships and connections, on the other hand, do actually require us to face challenges as well as regulate and manage discomfort (in conflict, tension, disagreement, opposition, etc.).
So it would seem, naturally, our online fellowship of followers and supporters becomes more desirable, hence why our *online world* feels and is often treated as an escape from reality. I’d even say many believe the online world is closer to if not reality, at this point. We’re perfectly content walking through the grocery store with ear buds in listening to a podcast, as if those around us don’t exist…or simply to avoid any and all bids to connect in real life. Don’t worry, I’m pointing this out and yet I’m guilty of this, too.
The thing is, online connections can only develop so deep – they still fall short of the real-life experience. In fact, I’d argue they’re falsified connections that only teach us to avoid relationship authenticity and complexities. I’m seeing far too many who are quick to throw away real-life connections yet bow to those they resonate with on TikTok, IG or in a FB group.
Am I saying you can’t make genuine connections online? No, I’m not, but any connection you make online with someone is a limited one that doesn’t take into account the formalities and complexities of life. In real life, you have to make or carve time for someone, whereas online is practically second nature and embedded into our daily subconscious routine which requires almost zero effort. And just because it’s easy doesn’t mean it’s authentic, yet easy [comfortable, seamless, convenient] seems to be the default we gravitate to these days.