Before my husband and I got married, we discussed how we would manage the finances. Mutually, we both grew up in joint households when it came to money, therefore it seemed the most natural to take the similar approach. While there are certainly more and others, these are the main ways my husband and I manage our joint finances in marriage.
Unfortunately, money can be sticky territory for many couples when it shouldn’t be. Even if you are someone who fully believes the finances should remain totally separate in marriage, it’s still vital to be able to discuss the finances and be on the same page with financial goals since you will evidently be living together and sharing in the amenities, basic necessities and lifestyle that money provides.
[Related Read: Fear not – how to talk about the finances in relationships]
For those looking to introduce the joint system, or maybe you’re struggling to make it work, hopefully this post can offer you some insight and guidance. Worst case scenario (or best case, depending how you look at it) is you walk away confident in whatever choice or strategy works best for your marriage.
4 Simple ways we manage joint finances in marriage
1. Our money goes into one lump sum
Our money earned goes into one, main account. I did have my own bank account prior to getting married, but it just made the most sense for us and our beliefs to conjoin our accounts into one.
Since our financial values and views are mostly aligned, having one lump sum made it easier to track our money from a joint perspective. In many cases couples utilize both a conjoined bank account but also maintain individual separate accounts (for allocated individual spending budgets, savings goals, and whatnot).
For us, our money going into one lump sum was about being able to better control and manage the finances on a singular income (whether based on the person who makes the most or combining two incomes into one).
2. We use one main shared credit card
For the Amazon points, you know? No, but seriously, with fraud running absolutely rampant these days, who really wants to have to keep track of multiple credit cards on different accounts?
There are people out there that have a card for just groceries, another for “fun”, not to mention department store credit cards or even one for emergency purposes.
For us, it boils down to simplicity. We use a shared credit card for all regular, everyday purchases, and then I have my separate credit card account (from before I got married) that I use specifically for my business to keep my credit score rolling as well as maintaining business-related purchases in one place.
This not only helps us keep track of spending, fraud and where we bought what when and from where but also minimizes spending avenues such as taking advantage of different credit limit outlets. All in all, sticking to a shared card aims to hold ourselves and each other accountable.
[Related Read: 4 Principles that improve communication in my marriage]
3. One person is the primary overseer
My husband is the more finance-savvy one, and while I am versed on the basics with a similar spending-saving mindset as my husband, I am in no way as educated on other logistics as him. Though he has and continues to try to teach me, lol.
The extent of what I know is to not spend money you don’t have, to not spend your last nickel even if you have it, that credit is fake IOU money and not real money you actually have, to always pay bills in full each month, and that the goal is to earn interest, never to pay it. I’d say that’s pretty good, right?
Nonetheless, as a husband and wife who do our finances jointly, we still felt it necessary to appoint one person as sort of the default or primary overseer. And, obviously, my husband – who went to school for this – should be that person.
Though it is to be stressed, that just because my husband oversees the majority of the finances, he takes into respect my knowledge, best interest and consideration. This means he is very transparent about certain financial decisions and moves (relating to stocks, investment accounts, moving money across checking and savings – things of that nature) as well as my having free and knowing access to this knowledge and the respective accounts.
I am always kept in the loop, so to speak, even if it pains me to listen to him talk gibberish. *To my husband – if you’re reading this, I love and appreciate you [air kiss].
In addition, he takes care of our taxes as well as all auto-pay accounts, so he also oversees that every bill is paid. How is this considered joint, one might ask, and what is my respective roll in this?
Again, we don’t necessarily believe two hands in one pot is always helpful or beneficial, but that joint doesn’t always equate to being equal. My role here is simple because it’s a shared role with an overseer’s – trust and respect.
4. A joint-focused mindset
We treat money as “our” money, not “his” or “her” money (including pension, stocks, and retirement). There’s immense meaning and value in how we view and treat money, especially pertaining to marriage.
At the end of the day, just because the forward player shot all the goals to score points, it was still an overall team effort to win the game. Just because the goalie didn’t score points doesn’t mean blocking the opposing team’s efforts to score didn’t help win the game.
Okay, for real, hopefully you get the gist.
The joint mindset requires a team focus, with the understanding that the team as a whole is affected by one teammate, and that each teammate is to have the consideration, respect and best interest for the other players and the team entity.
While we have no strict, set or spoken spending budget, we agree on limitations. Granted, this may not be the wisest option for everyone (and that’s fair) but because my husband and I are mostly congruent when it comes to spending and limitations as well as valuing trust and respect, we don’t see a need to set something like a weekly or monthly spending allowance.
To make it more clear, there is an allowance, but we typically don’t overspend or abuse an allowance to require one by amount. And if in times of financial setback or stress, we are more drawn to curtailing where and when we need to as well as hold one another accountable to do so. It’s that simple, but – I get it – not always for everyone.
That being said, we remain in agreeance on certain spending limitations as a whole with respect for timing, frequency, and consideration. For example, we have an amount that is considered a cap (too much) without consolidating with one another first. That means I wouldn’t just go buy a $1,000 new couch when I want because I want it without discussing it with my husband first, nor would he.
Jointly doesn’t mean total control, but thoughtful consideration and reason. Maybe we fail to recognize this, but joint finances still don’t mean each partner gets the last, only and ultimate say, or to do what they want to do (buy what they want, whenever, however and why). This includes the person who makes the most money, pays all the bills, works more, yada yada ya.
This may be why a joint system is less desirable for those who see it as either totalitarianism or simply a system that doesn’t fully support involuntary free will when it comes to money. And many people abuse this system on both sides, so I can understand the displeasure and reluctance.
That is why it is so important to be and remain somewhere on the same page from a joint perspective. From our perspective, we control the money – the money doesn’t control us. That means we will not allow the finances to control us in the name of free will, or with a sense of entitlement.
For example, if my husband sees “his”/”our” money as a means for him to throw away that money to gamble whenever he wants without care, consideration or reason other than for himself, then he is going against the foundation of a joint system.
In saying that, jointly focuses on thoughtful consideration, mutual respect and reason. Those things are at the forefront, yet it still doesn’t mean or guarantee having it our own way.
You can’t be joint without full transparency and vulnerability. I’ll be real, going joint exposed my anxieties surrounding money, spending and wealth. I knew about my family’s money problems from a fairly young age (and those problems resulting in discord between my parents), but these problems weren’t exactly manifested to me.
I came from a different kind of financial background from my husband, who grew up in a more fiscally responsible yet relatively well-off household. And going joint with my husband felt like a relief yet also surfaced many fears I didn’t really know I had, yet my husband has continually shown me how important transparency and vulnerability is in marriage for joint finances to work.
You can’t be joint if you’re not willing to talk about the finances, your money-relationship, financial boundaries, fears and goals, habitual spending, or money problems.
You can’t be joint if you’re not willing to openly share account information, costly mistakes, and menial transactions.
You can’t be joint if you’re not willing or open to compromise, meet half-way, discard the My-Way-Or-Highway, and build true wealth as a team.
We openly and often discuss our financial circumstances and strategies. I would hope this works across the board, in any approach to the finances in marriage. But I would guess there are couples who do things totally separate when it comes to money, which means discussion is off the table completely.
That just isn’t and can’t be the case with conjoining financially. There are to be no secrets (blatant or unintentional), or sole decisions made outside your spouse’s knowledge and input.
It may come as a shock to many but discussing your financial circumstances – where you stand financially – means laying everything out on the table at all times while being prepared for change or the unexpected. Financial strategies are known to shift or change and won’t always be guaranteed set in stone.
Joint finances mean having a joint financial goal. Does this nullify having individual goals? Not necessarily.
If your individual financial goal is to buy a half million-dollar house and a nice car while your spouse’s individual financial goal is to live debt free, a joint goal should strive to achieve both individual goals, but it may not always be possible (to do both), timely or achieved in full.
Does this make a joint financial goal more important than individual goals? To answer frankly but gently, I say yes. Having a joint goal requires having regard for your spouse and your life together, not just yourself, which does also mean having regard and consideration for their individual goals.
To put it in perspective, my husband’s financial goal is to provide for the future (down the road, for retirement, etc.) while I would say my financial goal is to provide for the present. These differ in that my husband is more of a save for a rainy day, and I’m more of a take care of our present needs. It is more than possible to balance both these individual goals (though not always equally or perfect) while maintaining a joint goal, which is financial contentment.