I’m taken back by many things being stated that imply his supposed desire for marriage…when they actually don’t. Sure, there are limitless subtle cues that say he desires marriage (one day), can see himself marrying you or that there’s simply long-term relationship potential. And yet those things don’t necessarily mean he’s ready to get down on one knee, make you his wife, be your husband, commit to you *that way*, or say I Do to you. There are definitive signs he wants to marry you, even if those signs are legitimately far and few.
Here’s something to consider: we can desire something without the intent to acquire it – just like that dessert we crave yet know we probably shouldn’t indulge (just yet, or when we aren’t ready to).
That said, there are 1,000,000+ different ways that indicate he wants to be with you, but there are actually few ways that indicate he actually wants to marry you.
Main points detailed in this post..
So when it comes to marriage, it’s important to align the coordinates correctly when pointing out this distinction. First things first, the coordinates must point to his aspiration for marriage, otherwise this entire post is meaningless. Second, there’s a difference between subtle cues that he simply sees long-term potential and clear indications he wants to marry you.
He openly discusses a long-term commitment
Or, for some, the Covenant. *Yes, there’s a difference here because one is government appointed and the other is from God. If you want to dive deeper into that, feel free on your own, but let’s solely refer to commitment in this post.
I could make this super easy and say, “He simply tells you he wants to marry you.” Yet it’s not always that straight forward, nor do blank words necessarily follow with the appropriate actions, am-I-right? While discussing long-term commitment isn’t exactly action, it’s proactive *goal-setting*. We could argue that is an actionary in-between, because the action to “I want to marry you” is to put a ring on it, literally.
Many don’t feel the same or agree the same as I do, but marriage changes your life and your relationship. It’s inclined to – for the better, of course! Marriage is a different way of life, as so is your relationship – it is not supposed to be viewed or treated the same. Many will say this is not the case, but then I argue what makes marriage so special? If marriage does not elevate your relationship let alone your life, then why go through with it (other than for legalities)?
Therefore, if he’s openly talking about it, then it’s because he desires to elevate the relationship by way of further commitment. If he’s talking [often] with you about future relational logistics in marriage, then he’s posturing your relationship for that transition. For instance, there will be more focus on “us” as a unit rather than as separate entities, or “you and me”.
He makes organic marital references
Innocently, okay, not neurotically. I’m also not referring to those who have normalized calling their girlfriends and boyfriends wifey or hubby, either. And these are not Ifs but Whens.
He may sweetly call you by his “one day wife” (“…when you’re my wife one day…”), *jokingly* but also not jokingly. He may also inquire about or conjure up honeymoon plans in conversation (because, let’s be real, your first adventure together as newlyweds is something he looks forward to) or he will insinuate your lives as a married couple in passing (“…when we’re married…”).
Seriously, it’s 2024, and there’s no reason couples (who aspire to get married) should need to keep such a low profile on WHOM they desire to marry. As if that makes the element of TOTAL SURPRISE completely lost. What are we doing if we’re withholding that information from each other for the sake of an unexpected yet highly anticipated proposal?
For real, if he truly wants to marry you…he’s going to let you know directly one way or another in front of a proposal (just not in place of).
He confidently expresses his marital values
With you. Hear me out on this one, because this may not apply the same way to everyone. But hopefully there’s a gist to get. For the sake of understanding this point the easiest, let’s use the abstinence example.
He’s waiting until marriage. This is a marital value he is honoring and upholding, while he openly expresses his deep desire or vision of what the wedding night, or *first time* will be like…with you. Basically, he’s confidently committed to you being his first.
You also might look at it like this: for those who aspire marriage there are certain things they won’t do or condone until marriage, or unless they’re married. For example, conjoining your lives, respectively, broadly means engaging in ways you wouldn’t normally with someone you’re not married to.
Personally, I think marital values apply to every single person in some fashion. But for many, marital values are weighed more heavily with the right partner, and case in point. If he’s willingly and openly expressing those marital values with you… it’s because he’s ready to fulfill them (with you).
